personal development

Your perception is your reality

On a daily basis we evaluate others, we also regularly look into our own hearts and minds. Many aspects of our minds are hidden from us, we think in two different ways: self-judgement and how we judge others. I think the way we judge others is to look at their actions and the way we judge ourselves is by our use of words.

I have recently been made aware that in social psychology they use the term: “naive realism”. This is a human tendency where we see the world around us objectively, and that people who disagree with us must be uninformed, irrational, or biased.

Turbulent times

Navigating a highly uncertain and constantly changing context, while actively contributing to building the future that we want to see, has never been more important. My writing is a form of therapy, an attempt to continuously educate and direct myself towards emotional health and ethical good sense. Think about a single area in your life where you are successful, and ask yourself, “What small things do I do each day that allows my consistent success?” I follow these three key performance indicators to map how successful I am in my life:

  • Truth: Are you being true to yourself and your values?

  • Focus: Are you consistently committing to your goals?

  • Strength: Do you keep pushing forward, even when you feel afraid or make a mistake?

 

Try it out and let me know what you think via e-mail. Remember the picture we paint in our minds of what other people are like is one of the main driving forces of relationships, economics, and politics.

What habit would you like to change? 

In my experience everyone can change their habits, but there is one condition: you to have a reason to make a change. Don’t worry about how you will change, just focus on what habits you want to form and why. If you have a hard time keeping and maintaining good habits, you may be thinking “too big,”perhaps you need to break them down into smaller steps. For example, if you are struggling to focus on work when you are in the office, try turning off the notifications on your smartphone.

 

According to Wendy Wood (social psychologist professor), there are three main principles to consider when effectively changing habitual behavior. First, you must derail existing habits and create a window of opportunity to act on new intentions. The second principle is remembering that repetition is key. Studies have shown it can take anywhere from 15 days to 254 days to truly form a new habit. Lastly, there must be stable context cues available in order to trigger a new pattern. "It's easier to maintain the behavior if it's repeated in a specific context."

New mindset, new results

When somebody says no to you, don’t take it personally, in my mind when they say, no - I say next, which means when you say no to me, I’m just going to move onto the next client or opportunity. There’s so much business out there, so are so many potential customers to go after, you just have to have the abundance mindset. 

 

Always reflect on why you lost the sale when you are rejected. And ask: What could I have done better? I will always encourage you to reflect on why you lost that deal but don’t just sit there and beat yourself up about being rejected. The real sales mindset is that the rejection is not about you and rejection is part of the game, that’s why you are in sales - if you don’t like rejection, you really shouldn’t be in sales.

Think positive

The brain tends to focus more on negative thoughts and this is based on the instinctual parts of the brain. We can train ourselves to focus on the positives as well. Here’s a simple exercise: Write down 3 things you are grateful for and 3 things that you did well every day for 7 days. By doing this simple you can change your brain and you will see your self-esteem grow. The more you are grateful, the more you will have to be grateful for.

We all want to belong

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American psychologist Abraham Maslow theorized that human decision-making is undergirded by a hierarchy of psychological needs in his initial paper, “A Theory of Human Motivation” and subsequent book, “Motivation and Personality”from 1954. Maslow proposed that five core needs form the basis for human behavioral motivation, often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid. Needs lower down in the hierarchy must be satisfied before individuals can attend to needs higher up.


Every person is capable and has the desire to move up the hierarchy toward a level of self-actualisation. Unfortunately, progress is often disrupted by a failure to meet lower level needs. Not everyone will move through the hierarchy in a uni-directional manner but may move back and forth between the different types of needs. Contact me via e-mail and let me know where you are on the pyramid.

“A river does not push, it just flows.”
— Burrellism

Write a gratitude journal

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When you find yourself stuck in a constant state of worry, or hyper focused on what is not working around you, try to pause for a second and ask yourself one or two of the following questions:

1.  What have I learned recently that has helped me grow?

2.  What opportunities do I currently have that I am grateful for?

3.  What physical abilities do I have but take for granted?

4.  What did I see today or over the last month that was beautiful?

5.  Who at work am I happy to see each day and why?

6.  Who is a person that I don’t speak to often, but, if I lost them tomorrow, it would be devastating? (Take this as a cue to reach out to them today!)

7.  What am I better at today than I was a year ago?

8.  What material object do I use every day that I am thankful for having?

9. What has someone done for me recently that I am grateful for?

10. What are the three things I am grateful for right now?

By taking time to write down our answers, we consciously redirect our attention to that which we are grateful for. It’s also a great way to look back and realise what we may have thought of as insignificant was actually the things that brought us joy.

Don't complain, don't explain

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I think that the mind is our individual mental factory and what you read pours a massive amount of ingredients into your mental factory. Subsequently, the quality of your life will be built on those ingredients. Everyday, I stand guard at the door of my mind, and I decide what goes into my mental factory as I have to live with the results. I would advise you to select the right ingredients, keep out the wrong ingredients and acknowledge that it all starts with thought. In my opinion, everything starts with thought, so you must be wise and careful about what you think about.

As a child, I remember the first time I heard the Henry Ford quotation, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.” I immediately knew that our lives are affected most by the way we think things are and poor thinking habits will keep most people poor. We need to get upset, we need to get disturbed and this motivates us to do something about it and change our behaviour. It’s only when we feel hurt enough that we will do something about it. Contact me via e-mail and I will awaken you to the pain that already exists and then guide you with solutions for that pain.

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The mental vs. The physical

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I can highly recommend the renowned sports psychologist and culture coach Dr. Pippa Grange’s book, “Fear Less: How to Win at Life Without Losing Yourself”. For over 20 years, Pippa has helped leaders and athletes (including the English football team) reach their true potential. Pippa has found that even the most successful people experience fears of inadequacy, what sets them apart is their ability to pinpoint their fears and “turn down the volume.”

I think that your results are just an outcome, they are not your worth. Contact me via e-mail for real world strategies, sales training and workshops opportunities.

You will become unstoppable

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What do you think about the headline?
You will be unstoppable when you create a purpose for your work that is bigger than yourself! How many great minds with solutions to big problems are out there? And many of them are blocked by the same problems. Some of the most defining moments in our lives happen around our traumas. I think if you don’t have a reason or story - in other words a purpose - to keep showing up and doing the work, then it will wear you down.

I think what makes you unique and stand out from the sea of competition is who you are and how you are working with people. How you do what you do and the beliefs and values that you emphasise in your process. I guarantee that you will feel empowered when you start to pick up on that divine purpose you have for being here on the planet. All the roadblocks in your way will be more easily overcome. In reality people want to work for an organisation and in a team where there is meaning behind what they do.

Listen to the little voice

c/o NLP Daily

c/o NLP Daily

Many of the happiest men and women in our society today are those who, at a certain point, got up and walked away from a situation that they finally realised was not making them fulfilled or happy. And they had the courage to decide that they were going to do what they loved to do, rather than what they felt they had to do. They looked deep within themselves and honestly assessed their own natural talents and abilities.

Life = C+C+C

The pandemic has exposed and increased inequality worldwide, leaving many to struggle for a basic level of economic security. Many people, myself included, have begun to reevaluate what makes life worth living. The things I’ve missed and appreciated the most are friends, family, experiences, nature, connection. I really hope that people have gained new values, and used this time to stop and think about the meaning of life. And ask themselves about what they would like to achieve both personally and professionally. What do you want to do with your life?


I recently lost my mother and whilst writing both her obituary and eulogy, I questioned myself about the meaning of life. In her honour, I have already begun to make changes in my life, for example, saying no and being far more selective about how I spend my time and with whom. I think that we all have the ability to transcend our egos, connect with other people and contribute to society.

The morning blues

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It’s Monday morning and for most people it’s unpleasant to go back to work after a relaxing weekend. I have heard it through the grapevine that I am irritating as I am one of the outliers who wakes up with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart. It’s actually none of my business and I promise that my teachings are not about “waking you up” to the joys of life, in fact, my thing is to do my thing. If you find inspiration from it, then that’s fine and if you don’t, then that’s too bad! I think people’s brains are wired differently depending on how they naturally approach the act of retrieving information.

Even the best psychologists know that people really don’t want to be cured, what they really want is relief as a cure is too painful. We all know that there are strong individual differences in how people remember…

“The nature of rain is the same, but it makes thorns grow in the marshes and flowers in the gardens.”
— Arab proverb

The effectiveness of goal setting

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As a football fan, “goals” have a completely different meaning than when we speak about them in the professional or personal context. GOALS provide focus, enhance productivity, boost self-esteem and increase commitment. I think it essential to make your goals SMART. In my world, S.M.A.R.T is an acronym and is extremely helpful when goal setting - S = specific, M = measurable, A = attainable, R= relevant and T = timely.

“A goal properly set is halfway reached.”
— Zig Ziglar

Specific
The more specific you are, the more likely you are to reach the goal. What specifically do you want to accomplish? Who’s involved? When? Where?

Measurable
How will you know when the goal is achieved? What milestones can you measure along the way?

Attainable
Make sure your goal is realistic and achievable. 

Relevant
Be clear on why you want to work toward this goal. How is it significant to your life? 

Timely
Anchor your goal with a deadline and create a calendar leading up to it with all the steps you need to take to reach your goal mapped out.

Contact me via e-mail when you have written down your goals and are ready to have them defined. we can go through the S.M.A.R.T acronym as it’s only when you do that, that goals became reality.

It’s all OK

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I’ve learned how to tap dance around all the mental traps that most people who look like me tend to fall for. I always seek the beauty in things and still have this wonderful curiosity and excitement when meeting new people. Everyone has a different emotional thermostat which has been regulated by how they were raised, and developed by the traumas they may or may not have experienced.


I’ve been training for years and years to develop practical empathy as people don’t know what I know, and I don’t know what they know and I am comfortable with that. I am constantly asking questions:
- What do they know?
- What do they need?
- What happened to them that led them to believe that in this moment they are being reasonable?

I think that if we can ask ourselves these question enough times, then not only will it help us make change, it will also help us to contently live with the world as it is. We can’t change the whole world, so if we try to understand it as it is, then it will be easier to decode it and figure out a way to make it better. Contact me via e-mail to arrange a meeting in confidentiality.

The big picture

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I won the dream and aspiration lottery a long time ago. Would you like to be someone who is lucky enough to do almost everything you want to do? I think if I was in that position this is what I want to do:
- I want to be a teacher
- I want to be of service
- I want to be a person that “turns on the lights” and helps people - not everybody - see things
I really want to live in this positive cycle as I think this is what makes culture matter. 


Have a super Easter Sunday and use this opportunity to really think about the kind of life you want to lead and the impact you want to make in this world.