It’s always less desirable to give nuanced, complex, or sophisticated answers which require input from multiple parts, be it society or yourself. People have always wanted simple answers. Whenever anything happens people need to know whose fault it is and if possible, embody blame into one person, for example, immigrants, the European Union, it’s always somebody else. “It’s never us!” because people love to have a solution that is both not nuanced, not sophisticated and not our fault. Acknowledging the effects of your behaviour and choices will open you up to new experiences, improves your mental health which in turn, allows you to build a sense of control over your life. I think taking responsibility for your own actions is how you’ll gain a deep understanding of your true self.
Simple answers
Here’s a 3 step plan to achieve whatever you want:
Define
Plan
Execute
Contact me via e-mail if I missed anything?
““One of the best lessons you can learn in life is to master how to remain calm. Calm is a superpower.” ”
Health = Wealth
There are few talents more richly rewarded with both wealth and power in countries around the world than the ability to convince backward people that their problems are caused by other people who are more advanced. Remember that effort gets noticed, results get awarded and you are wealthy when you can freely decide what to do with your time. Self-awareness means reading the room and balancing one’s contributions to ensure a value exchange that benefits all. I think it’s about balancing ambition with value, knowing when to speak and when to listen. Knowing that given a choice of being clever or kind, being kind is right choice.
““Stupidity is knowing the truth, seeing the truth but still believing the lies. And that is more infectious than any other disease.””
Sense of humour
Illustration: Eva Bee ©
What are people really worried about?
The noise from outside makes us want to fit into the “container” and that stops us differentiating between what my mind saying and what is my intelligence saying, and this noise becomes your voice. Make people comfortable and at ease. I think happy people smile more, so it’s a good idea to laugh loudly and welcome humour with open arms. What it really comes down to is that we are not confident about what we have to offer, in other words, it’s a lack of self-awareness. Being insecure about our own abilities, for example, what am I good at? What are my passions? and what am I bringing to the table? Do not take yourself too seriously, show passion and ambition but not at a cost to others.
““Everyone in the world should achieve everything they ever wanted, and achieve everything they ever pursued, just to realise that it’s not the point.””
Our rewards
Ralph Waldo Emerson, in his essay, “Compensation,” wrote that each person is compensated in like manner for that which he or she has contributed. In other words, the amount of money we receive will always be in a direct ratio to the demand for what we do.
““The Law of Income: You will be paid in direct proportion to the value you deliver according to the marketplace.” ”
A leap of faith
The mastery of fear and the development of courage are essential prerequisites for a happy and successful life. Create a clear mental picture of the person you would like to become performing the way you would like to perform. Remember that there is nothing wrong with having thoughts of fear if you temper them with thoughts of courage and self-reliance. With the commitment to acquire courage, you’ll reach the point where your fears no longer play a major role in your decision-making process. And you’ll be able to face every situation with calmness and reassurance, and these are the keys to courage.
““You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.””
Let's talk about it again
Rest and relaxation build courage and confidence as much as any other factors. All intelligent people are afraid of something, it is normal and natural to be concerned about your physical, emotional, and financial survival. A courageous person is not a person who is unafraid, the question is how you deal with fear. The courageous person is just the person who goes forward despite of fear. Contact me via e-mail to book coaching, mentoring or 1:1 sparring sessions.
Confronting your fears
I have learned that when you confront your fears and move towards what you are afraid of, your fears diminish whilst at the same time your self-esteem and self-confidence increases. However, when you avoid the thing you fear, the fear grows, and it will begin to control every aspect of your life. And as your fear increases, your self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect diminishes accordingly. Therefore, I think that if you do not do the thing, you fear then fear will control your life. Contact me via e-mail to book coaching, mentoring or 1:1 sparring sessions.
What now?
c/o Getty images
A wise man once told me: “Be careful who you let on your ship, because some people will sink the whole ship just because they can’t be the captain.” Based on what you now know, is this the best course of action? If not, what else could you do? Here’s a few tips on how to improve social skills:
1. Say 'Thank you'
2. Say 'Please'
3. Listen without interrupting
4. Do not brag
5. Wait your turn
6. Choose kind over clever
7. Hold doors open longer
8. Forgive first
9. Talk less, but say more
10. Show gratitude
11. Do not respond to negativity
12. Be humble
A timeless gift
According to logic, the larger the haystack the more difficult it is to find a needle. Imagine a world where everybody could find their needle in a haystack, send me an e-mail to let me know what it looks like.
Moral of the Story: Be thankful for what you have. Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively. When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile. Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Keep the faith and drop the fear.
““You must be the change you want to see in the world.””
Dreams inspire the soul
Happy New Year, may all your dreams and goals be fulfilled in 2023. When we have a clear, inspiring vision of our desired future, it can unlock energy and creativity to pull you ahead. To achieve our goals, we must know what and how to learn, then actively search for information in a consistent and purposeful way. We call short-term goals confidence builders, these are goals for the immediate future, for example, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year. In contrast, long term goals are our dreams and visions for the next 3 to 5 years.
Where do you want to go?
Where do want to be?
What do you want to see?
Contact me via e-mail for a 1:1 sparring.
Are you ready to be awakened?
I think that life experience and wisdom are born from emotional pain to help people navigate their own situations. I have genuine compassion for people, and have used introspection after setbacks to gain internal self-awareness. Some major things have happened in my life, and I have been blessed to have some amazing teachers to guide me through. I give back through coaching and have a major impact on people in crisis. I love writing and talking, and I just love seeing people break free from their “old story”. And in this process, I get genuine connection with people and the bulk of my clients are people having an existential crisis.
Detachment yields objectivity
How come I can give valuable advice to others and not follow it myself?
You're probably aware of how easy it is to give good advice to others and how hard it is to know what to do about your own problems. One's ability to reason more sensibly about someone else's problems than one's own is known in psychology as Solomon's Paradox. I think people may show wisdom regarding others’ life problems while being stuck in their problems; Solomon’s sound general wisdom helped him deal with others’ life problems effectively, but he lacked the personal wisdom to live his own life well. The stories of Solomon and the perspectives offered by research suggest that Solomon’s paradox may represent a fundamental and widespread social cognitive bias. So the next time when you are trying to help yourself, imagine you are helping a friend.
To nest in the gale
c/o Getty Images
Among the writings of Henry David Thoreau, I came across this statement: “Many an object is not seen, though it falls within the range of our visual ray, because it does not come within the range of our intellectual ray.” In other words, there are many things that exist in our world that we don’t see because we are not looking for them or perhaps not even capable of looking for them. So, in the largest sense, the world we see is only the world we look for. If you show two people, the same picture each will see a different scene. Each will extract from what he sees that which he happens to be predisposed to look for. The world presents to us every day that which we seek. Opportunity is only limited by the viewpoint of the inhabitant, joy and excitement can be found un our daily lives when we learn to look at our world as Thoreau looked at his. Surrounded by miracles and limitless opportunity, whereas some people manage to find only boredom and insecurity.
“Many an object is not seen, though it falls within the range of our visual ray, because it does not come within the range of our intellectual ray, i.e., we are not looking for it. So, in the largest sense, we find only the world we look for.”
The choice is yours
Optimism is a choice.
Happiness is a choice.
Giving back is a choice.
Forgiveness is a choice.
Being honest is a choice.
Spoken words are choice.
Teaching others is a choice.
Showing gratitude is a choice.
Respecting others is a choice.
Living a recommendable life is a choice.
Motivational Monday
David Harold Fink (1894 -1968) was an outstanding psychiatrist and medical doctor, and he devised a 30-day programme that will help you realise success. By paying the price to become the person you’ve always wanted to become, you will be in that wonderful minority who lead calm, cheerful and successful lives.
Here are the 6-steps recommended by David Harold Fink:
1. Set yourself a definite goal.
2. Stop the negative self-talk.
3. Stop thinking about all the reasons why you cannot be successful, and instead think of all the reasons why you can.
4. Trace your attitudes back through your childhood and try to discover where you first got the idea that you couldn’t be a success if that’s the way you’ve been thinking.
5. Change the image you have of yourself by writing out a description of the person you would like to be.
6. Act the part of the successful person you have decided to become.
Repeat, and repeat it over and over again. Each time it will become more a part of you until you will wonder how you could have ever lived any other way.
Life is what you make it
How do I become a better version of myself on a daily basis?
Life isn’t fair, and if you think that it is fair then you are in for a rude awakening. Life is a competition and those who are willing to make the supreme sacrifice often win. Some people get off to a difficult start and have incredible obstacles to overcome. I’m hard on myself, trying on a daily basis to become a better version of myself. I am constantly pushing myself to become a better human being and when I am in front of my clients, they can feel that energy. I think everyone is driven by a selfish drive of reputation and the ones who are open to this understanding have a unique opportunity. When working in sales, you can command a nice compensation package because it’s nothing to do with your education and everything to do with your communication skills.
Habits change behaviours
We all have those habits we wish we didn’t, but just can’t seem to break. It can be a challenge, but with some time and effort, habits can be changed. Here is my list of powerful habits:
- Wake up early
- Practise gratitude
- Spend time with nature
- Choose right friends
- Deepen your relationships
- Know yourself better
- Be ok to say no
- Invest in yourself
- Test your limits
- Invest in experiences
- Diversify your income stream
Today is your day
Social media is constantly telling us what other are doing and what interests they have. I think that the most important thing you can do in your life is to know who you are and understand what makes you different and unique. Let’s try a little experiment…
Create a list of things that you love and hate.
Look through the list and then ask yourself, “Is this because of what other people are telling me to love and hate, or does it come truly from within?”
This process in not just about your career or love life, it’s about your mental health. Discovering who you are and what makes you unique will allow you to become acquainted with your own desires and impulses, and not be controlled by what other people are doing and thinking.
An oldie but goodie
Throwback Thursday with seven tips for increasing productivity:
1. Create a morning routine
2. Make a personal framework
3. Focus and prioritise, don’t multitask
4. Stop mindless browsing
5. Save time by automating decisions
6. Learn to say "no"
7. Accept perfection doesn't exist
“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”