When we tie our identity to external achievements, we actually become more fragile, not stronger. The brain interprets failure as a threat, for example, if I don’t reach this goal, I’m not good enough, and this triggers a stress response.

True resilience comes from knowing you are secure in who you are, regardless of whether you win or lose. It still hurts when things don’t go your way and that’s human. I think that instead of getting stuck in “protect mode,” try shifting your mind into “learning and growth mode.” One simple and powerful way to do that? Spend time with people who lift you up. Social connection releases oxytocin, which calms the brain and helps you recover faster from setbacks.

The desire to belong and the significance of social connection are deeply rooted in human psychology, reflecting our evolutionary history and the importance of group cooperation for survival. Research using brain scans has revealed that social rejection can trigger brain activity similar to physical assault, particularly in regions associated with processing physical pain. This overlap in neural response underscores the emotional impact of social exclusion, evoking feelings of loneliness, sadness, and, in severe cases, depression. I think the human brain's strong response to the threat of rejection is linked to our primal fears of isolation and exclusion.

On the positive side, social connection and a sense of belonging are known to have a beneficial impact on well-being, providing emotional support, a sense of purpose, and even improving physical health. The individual and cultural variations in the strength of this need to belong and the resilience to social rejection underscore the complex nature of human social psychology. Recognising these findings has societal implications, emphasising the importance of creating inclusive communities, fostering social support networks, and addressing social isolation to promote overall well-being and societal cohesion. Are you feeling alone? Contact me via e-mail for discreet 1:1 meetings.