Controlled exposure

Do you understand that human beings operate within hierarchies?

This realisation was difficult for me to accept. I wanted to believe that we naturally function as an egalitarian collective where everyone stands on equal footing and where our efforts move us toward fairness.

Through my work and study, I learned that much of our interaction happens beyond words. NLP practitioners often say that only a small percentage of communication is verbal, the rest lives in our voice, tone, posture, timing, and pauses. These elements create meaning long before the actual words reach the listener.

My interest in persuasion, communication, marketing, and coaching has led me to study how human beings operate at both conscious and unconscious levels. I focus on how I present myself, as well as the social dynamics that shape relationships. I think body language, mindset shifts, and environmental cues all influence how others interpret who we are. Controlled exposure is my approach to developing deeper awareness of these dynamics. Every interaction becomes an opportunity to understand myself, understand others, and navigate the unspoken hierarchies that exist in every human group.

Jeffrey Brown RIP

I was deeply saddened to learn that my old friend Jeff has transitioned to the other side. Even though our paths have not crossed for ca. 35 years, his passing has stirred many memories. Jeff was an important part of a chapter in my life that I remember with great warmth, and hearing this news has reminded me how deeply people can shape us, even long after time and distance have taken us in different directions.

Rest in peace, champ. Thank you for the moments, the laughter, and the imprint you left on my journey. 🙏🏾

Goals vs. Systems

c/o “Atomic Habits” by James Clear

Goals describe the results you want to reach. Systems describe the processes, habits, structures, and conditions that create those results. A goal can set direction, but progress depends on the strength and consistency of the system that supports it. Improved results come from improving how you work, decide, behave, and organise, rather than from setting new targets. I think you do not rise to the level of your goals; you fall to the level of your systems.

Systems determine who succeeds, who is overlooked, and who becomes excluded. Well-designed systems distribute opportunity; poorly designed systems concentrate power. A system often protects the powerful long before it protects the marginalised, which is why systems must be examined, tested, and intentionally reshaped.

Defrosting the mind

Life is simple to analyse and far more demanding to experience. My coaching supports real people as they navigate real-world behaviour change. As your coach, I understand that leadership involves defining direction and strategy while also embodying the qualities that give that direction credibility: courage, trustworthiness, support, and empowerment.
Interested? Book a complimentary 30 minute session via this link.

No one wants to be average

Leaders are consistently navigating change and uncertainty. I think it’s important to remember that leadership is not about me, it’s about the people I lead.

Here are a couple of lessons that I have learned in 2025:

  1. Our biggest challenge as a coach is customer selection. If you pick the right customer, you win and if you pick the wrong customer you lose.

  2. Don’t let coaching become about your own self or ego or how smart you are, make it about the great people you coach and how proud you are about them.

 

The matrix diagram

c/o Kogulan Kugathasan on LinkedIn

What can we do at the strategy phase to make sure we have a solid foothold to implement?

I simply think we need to create the conditions for people to succeed as this begins long before implementation. At the strategy phase, ensure that individuals are adequately supported, trained, and empowered to build the next generation of what the organisation needs. Too often leaders fail to resource their teams, and when progress stalls they decide that DEIB is the issue rather than recognising the gaps in structure, support, and commitment.

A strong strategy phase should also include:
- Clear ownership and accountability so that responsibility does not disappear into the organisation.
- Defined success measures that connect to business outcomes, not abstract ideals.
- Alignment with existing organisational priorities so DEIB is not treated as an add-on.
- A realistic assessment of capability and capacity, including whether leaders themselves are prepared for the behavioural shifts required.
- Time-bound commitments supported by budget, tools, and ongoing development.

When these foundations are in place, implementation becomes a natural extension of a strategy that leaders genuinely stand behind rather than a task delegated without support.

Confidence grows from competency

The voice in your mind is powerful, and it does not always reflect the truth. If your aim is peak performance at the level of a professional athlete, you will benefit from having a coach. The more deeply you understand something, the more capable you feel when facing it. Malcolm Gladwell once noted that mastery develops after 10,000 hours of practice. The challenge is that very few people have invested that level of time in understanding themselves. When you dedicate time to self-awareness, you strengthen a foundation no one else can dictate. When you know who you are, another person’s opinion cannot define your identity or your potential.

True confidence comes from self-knowledge, remember that it is easy to feel confident when circumstances are smooth. The real test is whether your confidence remains when conditions become difficult. Self-understanding reminds you that you are not the situation in front of you because you exist beyond it. If this resonates with you, book a 30-minute discovery session with me via this link.

You are in charge

If I need to influence you and you hold the decision-making power, then there is one word that describes my role: salesperson, and there is one word that describes your role: customer. Customers do not have to buy; salespeople have to sell, and influence without authority works the same way. You focus on the other person’s needs, not your own. You do not try to prove how right or how intelligent you are. You recognise that the other person does not have to agree, and you treat them with the respect any good salesperson would offer a customer. You engage with their needs, their priorities, and the difference you can help them create. If you can sell the idea, sell it. If you can change the situation, change it. If you can do neither, take a breath, let it go, and redirect your energy. Do not waste your life on what you cannot change, just invest your time in what you can.

ABC = Always Be Contracting

Many clients are not fully aware of what coaching can offer. This is why I aim to engage them as active partners in the coaching process. Through collaborative inquiry, we explore what the most meaningful and beneficial work could look like for them. For example,
What would open a deeper sense of purpose in their lives?
How can they grow their capacity as leaders?
Who else needs to be involved?
Which additional voices can help us understand the wider system in which they operate?

This is the essence of multi-stakeholder contracting. Together we discover what will make the coaching valuable for the client, their future, and their broader network of stakeholders. Contracting is not a single event at the beginning of a coaching relationship. It is a continuous practice that ensures alignment, relevance, and impact throughout the journey.

A deeper dive into self

Sometimes the questions are more important than the answers as they keep curiosity alive. It is difficult to know what you want when you have never had the space to understand who you are. Many people grow up in environments where self-discovery is limited. Others spend years in survival mode, moving through life without the time or safety to ask themselves deeper questions.

A simple place to begin is to take five minutes each day to reflect and ask yourself: What did I enjoy about today? What felt good? Why did it matter to me? Name the experience, explore it, and go into detail. Small daily reflections like this begin to form the building blocks of self-awareness. I think with time, those blocks become the foundation for clarity, confidence, and intentional action.

It's not a matter of price

When leaders focus primarily on holding onto their roles, it becomes difficult to advocate for coaching at the senior level. Yet coaching is one of the most powerful levers for both leadership development and DEIB progress. Senior management needs clear ROI: how coaching strengthens engagement, increases productivity, and improves retention. They also look for broader impact. How does coaching influence psychological safety, equitable decision-making, and inclusive leadership behaviours across the organisation?

These factors directly shape brand perception. Organisations that invest in leadership development and inclusive capability-building become employers of choice. This matters when attracting millennial and Generation Z talent, who consistently look for workplaces that demonstrate equity, purpose, and a commitment to people. Coaching is not a cost; it is a strategic investment in culture, performance, and sustainable growth.

Unnecessarily delaying

Procrastination is often a response to fear, and acknowledging fear can be challenging. Yet fear plays a role in almost every meaningful endeavour. I believe that no one creates work of real value without experiencing both self-doubt and self-belief. Self-doubt keeps us alert, reflective, and committed to improving. Self-belief gives us the courage to act, persist, and take risks. Progress requires the presence of both.

““Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination. When you fall into the funk of competition, think of literature, think of the early bloomers and the late bloomers. Think of the very many experimental novels that do not follow the traditional form. Your story does not have to have a traditional arc.””
— Mary Oliver

I think Mary Oliver’s beautifully expressed words remind us that growth does not follow a single path, and neither does creativity. Your work, your pace, and your process are allowed to be your own.

Chaos is normal

I think much of the anxiety we see today comes from living in a period of deep uncertainty. Human beings resist uncertainty, even though nothing in our lives has ever been truly certain. We create the illusion of predictability because the brain is wired to seek safety and control.

Leadership in uncertain times often involves losses that are difficult to acknowledge: jobs that disappear, titles that no longer exist, ambitions that must be released because circumstances have shifted. Letting go is a form of grief, and I see this grief surface in many leaders as the past continues to reappear in their thinking and behaviour.

Moving forward requires working through the anger, disappointment, and hurt that come with change. Without processing these emotions, it becomes difficult to heal and even more difficult to create the future you truly want. Growth begins when you recognise the emotional weight of uncertainty and give yourself permission to move through it rather than push it aside.

Co-creation coaching approach

Begin by listening to the client’s story. When clients feel heard, they become more open to receiving feedback and exploring new perspectives. Ask questions that show genuine interest, because clients respond to care before they respond to expertise. For example: What do you mean by that?

Work to see the situation through their eyes. Summarise what you have heard to confirm understanding, and then build your questions from that shared foundation. For example: Here is what I see in this situation. The actions you are taking are not producing the results you want. Would you like to explore another way to achieve those results?

I think this approach creates partnership, psychological safety, and a sense of shared responsibility for change. What do you think?

Be fully present

Understand what the other person wants, what is getting in the way, and what they might choose to do next. When the conversation ends, take a moment to notice what you did well. The brain needs evidence of success in order to support change. If your internal dialogue repeats phrases such as “I did this wrong,” “I am awful,” or “I will never be able to do this,” the brain interprets that as a threat and moves into protection mode. It limits your willingness to take risks or try again.

If you reinforce the message “I did this well and I am learning,” the brain supports your growth. I think this is why it is essential to shift attention away from mistakes and toward the transformation that is already underway. Mastery is a path, not a destination. Be patient with yourself, be kind, and appreciate the progress you are making.

Four question framework

This four-question framework helps you explain any topic with precision and clarity.

1. Why is this important?
Begin by anchoring the topic in relevance for your audience. I think a useful approach is to ask a question that meets them where they are.

2. What is this about?
Share the essential facts, context, or background information. I think it’s a good idea to keep it direct and concise..

3. How does this work?
Outline what needs to happen next, and describe the steps, actions, or frameworks that will move the work forward.

4. What if we did this?
Invite your audience to explore possibilities as this is where learning becomes applied. Present scenarios, highlight opportunities or risks, and encourage dialogue. I think this is also the moment to surface concerns and co-create solutions that fit the context.

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Fox in the box

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One of the most common themes that emerges in leadership development coaching is imposter syndrome and the tendency leaders have to second guess themselves. These feelings often surface at moments of transition: a new role, an expanded scope, greater visibility, or the pressure to deliver through others. When leaders question their capability, it influences decision quality, confidence in communication, and the ability to model psychological safety for their teams.

Coaches have a broad set of approaches to support leaders through this. The work involves helping leaders recognise the underlying beliefs that shape their internal dialogue, understand the organisational factors that reinforce those beliefs, and build strategies that strengthen self-trust. I think effective coaching begins with a grounded understanding of the phenomenon itself. Before we can support leaders in navigating imposter syndrome, we need to be clear about what the term describes and the different ways it can show up in a leadership context.

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What do you think?

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c/o Maja de Silva

Does your organisation have a culture of silence?

A culture of silence poses a significant threat to psychological safety. When fear becomes part of the environment, people hold back their ideas, concerns, and insights. This often happens when the message challenges existing norms or raises uncomfortable truths. Even when someone does speak up, colleagues may overlook the comment, minimise the concern, or fail to engage with genuine curiosity.

Here's an example of psychological bravery: A team member notices that a project is heading in the wrong direction because key assumptions are no longer valid. The project has high visibility, senior leaders are heavily invested, and no one has questioned the approach before. Speaking up may risk being seen as difficult, negative, or disruptive.

Despite this, the team member raises the issue during a meeting. They explain the data, outline the risks, and offer alternative paths forward. They speak calmly and respectfully, with a focus on transparency and shared responsibility, even though the message is uncomfortable. I think this action represents psychological bravery because it invites openness in a situation where silence may feel safer. The person places collective success above personal comfort, which strengthens trust, accountability, and learning within the team. What do you think?