Understanding yourself is important

In Freud's psychological model, the ID represents our instinctive desires and pursuit of immediate gratification. The egobalances those desires against the realities of the external world, while the superego reflects our internalised ideals, values and moral standards. Whether we are conscious of it or not, our conscious and unconscious processes influence our decisions, behaviours and beliefs. For an entrepreneur, failing to recognise these influences can be costly. Impulsiveness, fear, pride, insecurity and limiting beliefs can easily undermine sound judgement, cloud strategic thinking and prevent us from recognising opportunities.

We often attribute a lack of progress to external factors: insufficient resources, inadequate support or missed opportunities. And sometimes those challenges are very real. Just imagine if the greatest obstacle is not what we lack, but our inability to recognise, develop and make use of what we already have within our reach? I think successful entrepreneurship requires more than a good idea or a sound business strategy. It demands self-awareness, emotional intelligence, adaptability, disciplined execution and the ability to build meaningful strategic relationships. Therefore, understanding your business starts with understanding yourself.

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Think before you speak

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What helps you pause before you speak?

As a leader, there is a moment just before you speak that deserves your attention. Your idea may be strong, and you may be eager to share it. This is the moment to pause and remember what performance depends on.

Performance = the quality of the idea multiplied by the commitment of others to make it work. When commitment is close to zero, even an excellent idea produces close to zero. When commitment is high, a good idea can become a great result and the people who will carry the idea forward hold half the equation. So before you speak, consider a few questions:
- Who needs to own this for it to succeed?
- What do they care about, and how does this idea serve it?
- What would help them feel part of shaping it?

I think this takes presence and emotional intelligence. A breath gives you the space to choose your timing, your words and your way of inviting others in, and leadership grows in that pause. The strongest ideas often come with the strongest commitment because people helped to build them. If this resonates with you, book a complimentary discovery session via this link, and let’s explore what is possible for you.

The leadership challenge

The journey from individual contributor to leader requires a fundamental shift in mindset. The more responsibility and authority you gain, the greater the impact your words and actions have. What was once a suggestion from you can increasingly be perceived as an instruction or even an order by others. If you aspire to leadership, you have to learn to move beyond making it about yourself. It is no longer about demonstrating how smart you are, how much you know, or proving that you have all the answers. Leadership is not about being the smartest person in the room. It is about recognising and developing the potential in others, including people who may have significantly more technical expertise or academic knowledge than you do.

Can you put your own ego aside and create an environment where others can challenge you, bring different perspectives, and ultimately become better at what they do? It sounds straightforward in theory, but it can be extremely challenging in practice. I think the real measure of leadership is not how much you know or what you can achieve individually. It is how effectively you enable others to grow, develop and succeed.

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Good, better, best

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In a rapidly changing world, leadership calls for authority, empathy, emotional intelligence and the courage to own your power. It means unleashing the potential within you, guiding others with skill, and leading with your heart as well as your head. This is the journey from individual contributor to emerging executive leader.

How aware are you of the strength you already carry within?
Would you like to work with a coach who brings the pivotal elements of leadership into focus? Taking risks, crafting a clear vision, building relationships and partnerships. If this resonates with you, book a complimentary discovery session via this link, and let’s explore what is possible for you.

Perfection doesn't exist

Are happiness and achievement connected?

I think achievement measures what you accomplish, and personal growth is also about who you become along the way. You can achieve everything you set out to accomplish and still feel that something is missing. And on the other hand, you can find happiness and meaning in life without constantly striving for the next achievement. For me, personal growth is about finding a balance between the two. Therefore, I ask myself these six questions every day:

  • Did I do my best to set clear goals today?

  • Did I do my best to work towards achieving those goals?

  • Did I do my best to find meaning and purpose in my life today

  • Did I do my best to create happiness for myself today?

  • Did I do my best to support others and bring out the best in them?

  • Did I do my best to learn something about myself today?

These questions are about being intentional, taking responsibility for your own development, and recognising that growth is an ongoing process. Does this make sense?

Vanity metrics

My LinkedIn post went viral, and I still don’t know why, and more importantly, I don’t really care. Of course, it is nice to see thousands of people engage with something I have written, and I genuinely appreciate every comment, reaction and message. However, going viral was never the objective. My only key performance indicator in moments like this is much simpler: client conversations.

A short conversation

We are constantly sensing, and we pick up data, watch, and read a broad range of variables, for example, behaviours, semantics, language. From that sensing we move into action, and this work calls on us to be grounded in our state of being. There is a lot to do, and I think that state of mind, regulation, presence and coherence matter a great deal.

A snippet from a conversation on Friday:
It takes just one person giving me a wrong look, and I’m already in “they really hate me” land. Have you been there? The next ten minutes go to self-loathing, which feeds my story that I’m a loser. Am I the only one? Perhaps I need a coach 🙂

In moments like these, we get derailed. That is when self-regulation matters most: in the moment, as it happens. If this resonates with you, book a complimentary discovery session via this link, and let’s explore what support could look like for you.

Examine your biases

You cannot dismantle something you are unwilling to examine. So, if you genuinely want to change, start by looking at the assumptions behind your reactions:

  • What are you noticing?

  • What are you overlooking?

  • Who do you instinctively trust?

  • Who do you give the benefit of the doubt to?

  • Who makes you feel comfortable, and who makes you feel uncertain?

Acknowledging bias doesn’t make you a bad person. I think it makes you more aware of the forces that influence your decisions, and awareness is where the work begins.

Changing behaviours

People make judgements about their communication skills as if they are permanent but the way you communicate is just a series of behaviours that you have learned from other people that you have been repeating for the last X number of years. You can unlearn them and replace them with other behaviours. A lot of Gen Z’s have not been given the opportunity to learn or master skills, and as a result I see a lot of them will rather text me than call and have a conversation with me. It’s not to say texts are bad, both communication forms are good.

Remember to never fall into the trap of thinking that your work will speak for itself, you have to learn how to shine your light. Do great work and learn to speak and take responsibility for it. No one is going to come and teach you to take the initiative and learn it yourself.

Get your message across

90% of employers in the USA say that communication skills are important to them but only 53% believe that new graduates have these skills. When it comes to communication skills what are Gen Z struggling with?
I think that they have been thrown into an environment without training. Communication is a skill that is not taught at school. You may have had parental guidance around communication and that is a huge advantage when you enter the workforce. Whereas if you didn’t, then when can you learn communication skills? You are not taught anywhere, so you are left to your own devices and if you have never learned it then you are not going to be good at it.

To get better

If you want to get better, I think three things are essential: courage, humility and discipline.

1.  Courage
Have the courage to ask for feedback and genuinely listen to what you hear. Getting better requires a willingness to look in the mirror regularly and see yourself as you actually are, not simply as you would like to be. Feedback can be uncomfortable because it can challenge the story we have about ourselves. Remember that without honest reflection, it is difficult to know what needs to change.

2.  Humility
I cannot help perfect people get better, so if you are already perfect, you do not need a coach. In fact, you probably do not need anybody. The reality is that none of us has the complete picture of ourselves as there will always be blind spots, assumptions and behaviours that other people can see more clearly than we can. Humility is being open to the possibility that there is always more to learn.

3.  Discipline
Insight alone does not create improvement, you will also have the discipline to do the work. Getting better is the result of an accumulation of small actions repeated consistently. The conversations you keep having, the behaviours you keep practising, and the commitments you keep honouring, especially when nobody is watching.

I think courage helps you see what needs to change, humility allows you to accept that it needs to change and the discipline turns that awareness into action.

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The coaching profession

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Many coaches are highly skilled at helping other people recognise their potential, make difficult decisions and take meaningful action. In my experience being good at coaching does not automatically make someone good at building a coaching business.

The latest ICF Global Coaching Study estimates almost 123,000 coach practitioners worldwide and approximately $5.34 billion in annual global coaching revenue. At the same time, 59% of coaches expect their revenue to increase, with growth expected to come primarily from acquiring more clients and delivering more coaching sessions rather than simply increasing fees. Therefore, I think coaches should learn to market and sell their services if they want to build a sustainable practice. The ability to communicate your value, build relationships and invite people to work with you is part of the business.

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Don't fall into that trap

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Are you using your power to strengthen your own position, or to develop the potential of others?

Leadership is not only about giving away your power, I think it’s also about being intentional about how you use it. The strongest leaders understand that their position gives them influence, access, authority and the ability to shape the environment in which others work. The question is what they do with that privilege. Do they use their power to make themselves indispensable, protect their position and ensure that decisions continue to flow through them? Or do they use it to create the conditions in which others can think, contribute, challenge, grow and lead?

When leaders create psychological safety, invite different perspectives and genuinely trust people with responsibility, they unlock something much greater than their own individual capability. They unlock the collective intelligence and potential of the entire team. That is where leadership becomes more than an individual responsibility. It becomes a shared capacity for learning, growth, innovation and impact. Your leadership is measured by what you achieve while you are in the room and by what other people become capable of doing because you were in it.

Are you aligned?

Are you aware of the power dynamics in your organisation?

As a leader, you hold a position of power and you can use that power to control, limit and protect your own authority. This may deliver short-term results and enable quick decision-making but in a crisis, a more directive approach can be exactly what is needed. If your ambition as a leader is to foster creativity, innovation, risk-taking, learning and growth, you need a different approach. You will need to be willing to share power, create space for different perspectives and empower others to take ownership.

This requires the courage to step back, the humility to recognise that you don't have all the answers, and the wisdom to understand that your success as a leader is not measured solely by what you achieve yourself. When you create the conditions for people to think independently, challenge assumptions, take considered risks and learn from mistakes, you unlock far more than your own capabilities.

““A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch but on its own wings.””
— Anonymous
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Can you see the light?

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What does a leader need to be aware of to foster innovation and empower their team?

I think it starts with understanding that leadership is a never-ending learning journey. If you want to become a more transformational, inclusive or empathetic leader, you must be willing to do the work yourself. That means developing self-awareness, questioning your assumptions and understanding how your behaviour, decisions and use of power influence the people around you. The most effective leaders I have encountered throughout my career are those who actively develop leadership in others. They don't see leadership as something that belongs exclusively to them, instead, they create an environment where leadership becomes collective. Does this resonate? If so, contact me for a complimentary 30-minute discovery session and let’s explore how coaching could support you.

Pain vs. suffering

I have come to think of pain and suffering as two very different experiences. Pain is often what we go through when we choose to move whereas suffering can be what happens when we choose to stay. Sometimes suffering is the regret of the things we would have done if we had been willing to endure the pain required to do them. Leaving a situation can be painful. Having a difficult conversation can be painful. Starting again can be painful. Going to the gym can be painful. Yet, I rarely regret those experiences because I understand why I am experiencing the discomfort and the soreness reminds me that I did something that required effort.

Pain can be an accelerant to better times as sometimes the short-term discomfort is the price we pay for long-term freedom, growth or peace. The danger comes when we try to avoid both pain and suffering and we withdraw, and become numb. We stop taking risks, stop having difficult conversations and stop making the decisions we know we need to make. Avoiding pain does not necessarily mean we avoid suffering. Maybe this is why I walk towards the pain so I can avoid the suffering.

““We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.””
— Jim Rohn
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Public behaviour

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First come, first served is perhaps one of the most fiercely defended fairness norms we have. We instinctively understand that if someone has been waiting longer than us, they should generally go first. Airports provide another interesting example, standing in front of the gate before your group is called does not make the plane leave any sooner. Yet people still stand, often creating congestion where there was none before. Sometimes the most considerate thing you can do is simply remain seated until your group is called. Breaking these rules rarely results in any formal consequence as nobody is going to arrest you for standing in the airport queue too early or trying to board a train before everyone has got off. Yet everyone notices, especially in London.

These small behaviours are tiny votes for the kind of shared world we want to live in. Do we make space for others? Do we respect the flow? Do we understand that public spaces are shared spaces? Do we recognise that our individual behaviour affects everyone around us? And increasingly, I think being good at this stuff is a competitive advantage. Because in a world where technical knowledge is increasingly accessible, the ability to read a room, understand social dynamics and navigate shared spaces with awareness can distinguish the people who simply participate from those who know how to contribute.

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A simple flow state

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There is a difference between the front stage and the backstage of our lives. The front stage is the public domain: the spaces we share with strangers, colleagues and communities. The backstage is more personal, where different rules apply. In public spaces, however, there are a set of largely unwritten rules that help us navigate life together. We may not consciously think about them, yet we rely on them constantly. I think part of this is because the brain is a prediction machine. We are constantly anticipating what is likely to happen next, and when people behave in ways that fit our expectations, the world feels predictable and easier to navigate.

I was recently in London where I was using public transport and it makes sense to allow passengers to get off before attempting to board regardless of it’s the bus, train or underground. It is just a simple flow system, and the same principle applies to queues, doorways, escalators and crowded spaces. When we crowd a stranger or ignore the natural flow of movement, we create unnecessary friction. Understanding these invisible rules is both about having good manners and social intelligence.

The wisdom well

In my opinion value is produced in our minds and not in a factory. And I think there are two fundamental ways of making money: you can either make desirable things, or you can make things desirable. Both can be equally profitable. The difference is not necessarily in what something is, but in the value we attach to it. The same principle applies to how we evaluate people. A big title does not make someone a good person, and not having a title does not make someone less worthy of respect. However both in our personal and professional lives, we often judge people by their position before we take the time to understand their character.

We might assume, for example, that a CEO must be wise, that a wealthy person must be successful, or that someone who graduated from a prestigious university must be intelligent. Psychologists refer to this as the Halo Effect: when one positive or impressive characteristic influences how we perceive everything else about a person.

Throughout my career, I have met people with extraordinary titles who displayed deeply disappointing behaviours. I have also met people with modest titles who demonstrated remarkable wisdom, kindness and integrity. And that experience has taught me to look beyond the title and pay closer attention to the person. How do they treat people who have less power? How do they respond when someone disagrees with them? Do they take responsibility when they make a mistake? Do their actions match their words? These are the things that tell me far more about a person than the title on their business card. Respect should never be automatic simply because of someone's position. A title tells you what position someone holds and their behaviour tells you who they are.

Power, responsibility and character

Who is available to receive your frustration and who actually has the power to change the situation?

Don’t argue with an employee who cannot change the rules. Don’t take your frustration out on the person who happens to be available when the person responsible is somewhere else.  If something has gone wrong, direct your complaint towards the people who have the authority and influence to change the outcome. The person standing in front of you may simply be carrying out a decision they had no part in making. And I think there is something else worth remembering: nothing reveals character faster than how we treat people who cannot fight back, cannot change the situation and cannot give us what we want.

Patience with the person who didn’t cause the problem and cannot fix it is not weakness. It is a choice about who we want to be when we have every opportunity to direct our frustration at the wrong person. A useful question to end on could be: When you are frustrated, do you look for someone to blame, or someone who can actually help?