The 8th habit
The biggest influence in life is habit, so I think to get better results one has to develop better habits. Have you read the Stephen Covey book, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”?
1. Be proactive
2. Begin with end in mind
3. Put first things first
4. Think win-win
5. Seek first to understand, then be understood
6. Synergise
7. Sharpen the saw
8. Inner self growth and development
It's obvious
There are few skills more consistently rewarded with wealth and power than the ability to persuade people that their struggles are caused by others who are perceived to be more advanced. Rather than confronting complex structural issues or leadership failures, this narrative redirects frustration toward visible groups whose progress becomes framed as a threat. I think it’s a simple, emotionally effective tactic that trades nuance for blame, and while it can mobilise influence quickly, it does so at the cost of social cohesion, honesty, and long-term progress.
What do you think?
The gift of time
Am I simply a performance coach, or am I also a teacher?
For me, leadership is not about being the loudest voice in the room or having all the answers. It is what happens when you step back, speak less, and listen more, creating the conditions for others to think, learn, and lead. True leadership requires a willingness to empower teams with care and intention, rather than control. It also demands humility. If you cannot be challenged or corrected without becoming defensive or offended, meaningful growth becomes impossible. Growth, in leadership and in life, begins with the ability to listen, reflect, and adapt.
Overcoming expectations
The brain is constantly forecasting what should happen next, and our emotional response is shaped less by reality itself and more by whether reality confirms or violates those predictions. What we label as frustration or impatience is often the result of a prediction error rather than the event itself. When expectations shift, the emotional experience shifts with them, even if nothing in the external situation changes. Looking at this through the Daniel Kahneman lens, this is the interaction between fast, automatic interpretation and slower, more deliberate reframing. I think leaders who learn to manage expectations, rather than fight reality, gain greater emotional regulation and decision clarity.
NB: Daniel Kahneman (1934–2024) was a Nobel Prize-winning psychologist who authored the 2011 bestseller "Thinking, Fast and Slow”.
Protect yourself
How do you stop being affected by everything and everyone?
It begins with learning to stay calm and deliberately rewiring your wellbeing. This is not about disengaging or becoming indifferent. It is about stopping defensive reactions and choosing to respond with calm authority. When you own your response, external chaos loses its power over you. I describe this is emotional resilience as emotional invincibility. It is the ability to maintain a mental state where insults do not penetrate, rejection does not define you, and chaos does not shape your behaviour. Please do not hand strangers the remote control to your emotional state.
I think most people live reactively because whenever someone criticises them, they immediately defend themselves. Resilient leaders do something different, they separate facts from the stories they tell themselves and they respond to facts, not interpretations.
A useful filter is simple: “Can I control this?”
If the answer is no, then worrying about it adds no value. You cannot control someone else’s opinion of you, which makes it irrelevant to your self-worth. You cannot always control the event, but you can always own your response and that is where power lives.
Black History Month
Dr. Carter G. Woodson established Negro History Week in 1926. This initiative later evolved into Black History Month, which is celebrated annually throughout February in both the United States and Canada. This year marks the 100th anniversary of the first organised effort to formally acknowledge and challenge the systemic exclusion of Black history and contributions.
Stay accessible
“Sitting Female Nude” by Boscoe Holder
Deep and meaningful conversation often comes back to sacrifice for the greater good of the community. I spent many years of my life helping other people, and over time I began to understand how deeply that instinct was shaped by my history. Knowing your history, recognising its value, and preserving it matters, because a sense of connection to where we come from forms the foundation of who we are.
My family is Jamaican, my parents met in London and had three children. I am the second-born, the proverbial middle child, and the only son. As I have grown older, I have become more aware that certain parts of my own foundation were missing, and that I needed to actively investigate and understand them. That process has been essential, because it has shaped how I see myself, how I relate to others, and how I show up in the world.
Please give me a hand
A young student once asked a wise monk, “Master, how do I stop taking everything so personally?”
The monk smiled and said, “To stop taking things personally, you must learn what actually belongs to you and what never did.”
“Most of what people say or do is a reflection of their own inner weather, not a judgement of your worth.”
“When a storm passes overhead, you do not ask, ‘What did I do wrong?’ You simply let it pass.”
“In the same way, another person’s moods, words, or reactions are often storms that were brewing long before you arrived.”
“Your peace is not threatened unless you hand it over.”
“Taking things personally comes from believing you must control how others think, feel, or receive you.”
“But remember, you are not responsible for managing the emotions that live inside someone else’s mind.”
“The moment you stop trying to be understood by everyone, you reclaim your freedom.”
The time is now
Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel. What you see is their success, not their struggle. Their wins, not their failures. The final draft, not the rough attempts that came before it. Your journey is yours, shaped by your timing, your context, and your work. Their journey belongs to them. Comparison drains joy and quietly undermines progress, pulling focus away from what actually matters: staying committed to your own path.
Good consulting questions
Let’s experiment with new ways of defining and framing the problem.
- What problem are you trying to solve?
- Is this the right problem for the situation?
- Who are you solving it for?
- How are you approaching the solution?
- What outcome are you aiming to achieve?
- How else could you frame the problem to better support that outcome?
If this resonates and you want to strengthen your problem-framing capability as a leader or team, contact me via email.
Commit to excellence
The most important thing to understand is that exceptional salespeople are not created through training alone. They are found first, then developed. They bring the right values, attitudes, and skills, underpinned by empathy and an uncompromising commitment to excellence in everything they do.
When someone truly believes in what they are offering, takes pride in doing their best every day, and values relationships as much as results, performance follows. I think without this foundation, sales may be achieved in the short term, but long-term growth, trust, and commercial impact will always fall short.
““The mouse dies in a mouse trap because he doesn’t understand the why the cheese is free.”
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I know my place
““If it’s not yours, don’t take it.
If it’s not right, don’t do it.
If it’s not true, don’t say it.
If you don’t know, shut up.” ”
Leaving anger behind
The way you fight your habits is often the way you give them power as every habit is a pattern that once served a purpose. It began as a solution to a problem at a specific moment in time. Rather than trying to eliminate anger, approach it with curiosity. Observe it the way you would watch a cloud move across the sky. Notice when it appears, how it feels in your body, and what thoughts accompany it. There is no need to judge it or push it away. Simply observe.
For example, instead of reacting when anger arises in a meeting, pause and silently note, “Anger is present.” Feel the tension in your chest or jaw, notice the thoughts driving the reaction, and allow the moment to pass without acting on it. This awareness creates space between you and the emotion. You can experience anger without being controlled by it. I think over time, the anger tends to visit less often, and when it does, it moves through more quickly, like a brief summer storm.
Name it to tame it
“Name it to tame it,” a concept introduced by Dr. Daniel Siegel, UCLA psychiatrist and clinical professor of psychology, captures a critical self-regulation skill. When emotion floods the body, the emotional brain takes over as its priority is protection: fight, flight, or freeze. In that moment, the thinking brain goes offline, consciously naming what you are feeling, you activate the prefrontal cortex and reduce activity in the amygdala. This neurological shift creates space between you and the emotion.
Saying, “I notice my anger is rising,” or “I feel overwhelmed right now,” is not self-indulgence. It is regulation. Labeling emotion helps the brain move from reaction to awareness. A useful metaphor is this: you are not the storm, you are the person watching the storm. The emotion may be intense, but it does not define you or control you unless you become submerged in it. The real skill lies in noticing your internal state early, before the emotion takes over and dictates behaviour. Self-awareness is not passive. It is an active leadership capability.
Growth tools
Do you have a healthy feedback culture characterised by psychological safety and honest relationships?
A strong feedback culture does not emerge on its own. It requires conscious practice and reflection, especially from leaders, to become better at both giving and receiving feedback. This includes having the courage to examine structural power, personal blind spots, performance, and how relationships influence dialogue.
When feedback is used effectively, it becomes a tool for learning and development rather than control. Here are seven questions that can turn feedback into a genuine growth tool:
· What is working well that I could benefit from doing more of?
· What could I do differently in our collaboration?
· How can we strengthen our communication?
· What strengths do you see in me that I could use more actively?
· How can I contribute to strengthening the team culture?
· What do you need from me in order to perform at your best?
· What can I do to develop further as a leader?
Who are you?
I have lived through decades of love, loss, and transformation, and I now understand a simple truth: my wellbeing is my responsibility. Not my family’s, not my children’s, and not society’s. When you find the courage to let go, you also accept that the safety net you hope might catch you may not. This is not bitterness; it is clarity. By no longer expecting anyone else to carry me, I have learned to stand taller on my own.
““Do not use your energy to worry. Life is too short to worry about stupid things. Have fun. Fall in love. Regret nothing and do not let people bring you down. Study, think, create and grow. Teach yourself and teach others.””
What comes naturally?
Change does not happen through logic alone. You cannot think your way out of a feeling, but you can feel your way into new patterns of thought. Emotions that are not processed remain stored in the nervous system, influencing behaviour beneath conscious awareness. I think much of what we do is automatic, driven by predictions based on past experiences. When you change the inputs, you change what the brain expects, and in doing so, you expand what becomes possible.
Learn and unlearn
The way you speak to yourself directly shapes how you feel about yourself, and your life tends to mirror the identity you hold internally. The brain does not clearly distinguish between what is real and what is vividly imagined. When you visualise a calm, confident, and capable version of yourself, I think you are actively reinforcing new neural pathways.
““People want to be around you, not because of what you know or what you have, but because of how you make them feel.””
Your thoughts
c/o Marshall Goldsmith
Your brain does not operate on objective truth; it responds to what is repeated with consistency and emotional weight. Thoughts influence feelings, feelings drive actions, and repeated actions shape identity. I think because the brain is constantly rewiring itself, who you are is not fixed. Therefore, when a message is repeated often enough and carries emotional charge, the brain begins to treat it as true.