Leaving anger behind

The way you fight your habits is often the way you give them power as every habit is a pattern that once served a purpose. It began as a solution to a problem at a specific moment in time. Rather than trying to eliminate anger, approach it with curiosity. Observe it the way you would watch a cloud move across the sky. Notice when it appears, how it feels in your body, and what thoughts accompany it. There is no need to judge it or push it away. Simply observe.

For example, instead of reacting when anger arises in a meeting, pause and silently note, “Anger is present.” Feel the tension in your chest or jaw, notice the thoughts driving the reaction, and allow the moment to pass without acting on it. This awareness creates space between you and the emotion. You can experience anger without being controlled by it. I think over time, the anger tends to visit less often, and when it does, it moves through more quickly, like a brief summer storm.

Name it to tame it

“Name it to tame it,” a concept introduced by Dr. Daniel Siegel, UCLA psychiatrist and clinical professor of psychology, captures a critical self-regulation skill. When emotion floods the body, the emotional brain takes over as its priority is protection: fight, flight, or freeze. In that moment, the thinking brain goes offline, consciously naming what you are feeling, you activate the prefrontal cortex and reduce activity in the amygdala. This neurological shift creates space between you and the emotion.

Saying, “I notice my anger is rising,” or “I feel overwhelmed right now,” is not self-indulgence. It is regulation. Labeling emotion helps the brain move from reaction to awareness. A useful metaphor is this: you are not the storm, you are the person watching the storm. The emotion may be intense, but it does not define you or control you unless you become submerged in it. The real skill lies in noticing your internal state early, before the emotion takes over and dictates behaviour. Self-awareness is not passive. It is an active leadership capability.

Growth tools

Do you have a healthy feedback culture characterised by psychological safety and honest relationships?

A strong feedback culture does not emerge on its own. It requires conscious practice and reflection, especially from leaders, to become better at both giving and receiving feedback. This includes having the courage to examine structural power, personal blind spots, performance, and how relationships influence dialogue.

When feedback is used effectively, it becomes a tool for learning and development rather than control. Here are seven questions that can turn feedback into a genuine growth tool:

·       What is working well that I could benefit from doing more of?

·       What could I do differently in our collaboration?

·       How can we strengthen our communication?

·       What strengths do you see in me that I could use more actively?

·       How can I contribute to strengthening the team culture?

·       What do you need from me in order to perform at your best?

·       What can I do to develop further as a leader?

Who are you?

I have lived through decades of love, loss, and transformation, and I now understand a simple truth: my wellbeing is my responsibility. Not my family’s, not my children’s, and not society’s. When you find the courage to let go, you also accept that the safety net you hope might catch you may not. This is not bitterness; it is clarity. By no longer expecting anyone else to carry me, I have learned to stand taller on my own.

““Do not use your energy to worry. Life is too short to worry about stupid things. Have fun. Fall in love. Regret nothing and do not let people bring you down. Study, think, create and grow. Teach yourself and teach others.””
— Professor Richard Feynman

What comes naturally?

Change does not happen through logic alone. You cannot think your way out of a feeling, but you can feel your way into new patterns of thought. Emotions that are not processed remain stored in the nervous system, influencing behaviour beneath conscious awareness. I think much of what we do is automatic, driven by predictions based on past experiences. When you change the inputs, you change what the brain expects, and in doing so, you expand what becomes possible.

Learn and unlearn

The way you speak to yourself directly shapes how you feel about yourself, and your life tends to mirror the identity you hold internally. The brain does not clearly distinguish between what is real and what is vividly imagined. When you visualise a calm, confident, and capable version of yourself, I think you are actively reinforcing new neural pathways.

““People want to be around you, not because of what you know or what you have, but because of how you make them feel.””
— Burrellism

Your thoughts

c/o Marshall Goldsmith

Your brain does not operate on objective truth; it responds to what is repeated with consistency and emotional weight. Thoughts influence feelings, feelings drive actions, and repeated actions shape identity. I think because the brain is constantly rewiring itself, who you are is not fixed. Therefore, when a message is repeated often enough and carries emotional charge, the brain begins to treat it as true.

Are you better off?

When asked whether the world would be better or worse off if I became more influential and powerful, my answer is that it would be better off. At the same time, I feel uncomfortable with the idea of seeking greater influence, as it pushes me outside my comfort zone. This raises a deeper question about priorities: whether personal comfort should take precedence, or whether making the world a better place sometimes requires discomfort.

““You don’t fix the mirror by polishing the reflection, you fix the mirror by changing what is standing in front of it.””
— Alan Watts

The moral of the story

One of Einstein’s students once asked him what logic really means.

Einstein replied that he would answer with a question.

He asked the student to imagine two workers entering a chimney to clean it. When they come out, one has a dirty face and the other a clean face. Einstein then asked which of them would go and wash their face.

The student answered immediately that the worker with the dirty face would wash.

Einstein said this was incorrect. The worker with the clean face would be the one to wash, because he would look at his colleague, see the dirt, and assume his own face must be the same. The worker with the dirty face, seeing a clean face, would assume he was clean as well.

The student agreed and said this was logical.

Einstein disagreed. He pointed out that the question itself was flawed. Two people entering the same chimney at the same time would not emerge with one clean and one dirty face. The scenario violated basic logic before the reasoning even began.

The point is simple. Sometimes logic fails not because of a poor answer, but because the question itself is wrong. I think the moral of the story is when that happens, no amount of clever reasoning will lead to the right conclusion.

More for 2026

Here’s a leadership manifesto for 2026

1.     Lead with integrity by keeping your word and following through on commitments.

2.     Communicate with clarity and respect, especially when conversations are difficult.

3.     Take ownership of mistakes and use them as opportunities to learn and improve.

4.     Invest in your people by supporting their growth, celebrating their contributions, and offering help without conditions.

5.     Respect boundaries and recognise that people work, think, and perform differently.

6.     Show up consistently, not only when visibility or recognition is at stake.

7.     Listen more than you speak, and actively seek to understand what is being said.

8.     Give credit generously, understanding that recognising others strengthens, rather than weakens, your leadership.

““Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and little minds discuss people.””
— Unknown

Live your best life

Humans have a strong tendency to rationalise their beliefs, even when those beliefs are no longer helpful. Cognitive research shows that intelligence does not necessarily protect against this tendency; in some cases, it can enhance a person’s ability to justify existing views rather than challenge them. As a result, blind spots can persist unnoticed. This is where a thinking partner can be valuable. Having someone who can question assumptions, surface patterns, and reflect what may be difficult to see or easy to avoid can support clearer and more objective thinking.

Expanding on the theme

When we work only at the behavioural level, change is usually temporary. People may comply, adjust, or mask behaviours, but the pattern often returns under pressure. When we work at the belief level, change becomes more sustainable because the behaviour no longer serves the same purpose. For my coaching clients, this shift can be powerful.

Instead of asking, “What is wrong with me?” the question becomes, “What belief has been guiding me, and does it still serve me?” That reframing reduces shame and opens the door to curiosity, responsibility, and growth. I think as coaches and leaders, our role is not to correct behaviour, but to help uncover and examine the belief beneath it. Once the belief is understood, the behaviour often changes naturally, without force.

Does this make sense?

Behaviour is the visible outcome and belief is the operating system underneath. When someone avoids conflict, overcontrols situations, resists feedback, or struggles to delegate, the behaviour itself is not the core problem. The real question is: What belief makes this behaviour feel necessary or logical to them? For example:

  • A belief such as “If I do not stay in control, I will be seen as incompetent” often shows up as micromanagement.

  • A belief like “Speaking up will lead to rejection” often manifests as silence in meetings.

  • A belief such as “My value comes from being useful” can appear as overworking or difficulty setting boundaries.

I think behaviour is the information that gives us clues about what someone believes to be true about themselves, others, or the world around them. What do you think?

Vital point

We often use price as a proxy for value. We are willing to pay more for things we consider valuable, and, in turn, we tend to value things more highly when they come at a cost. From an economic perspective, consumer surplus refers to the gap between what someone would be willing to pay for something and what they actually pay. While this surplus is typically framed as a benefit, it does not necessarily generate greater appreciation or pleasure. As prices fall, our sense of value and emotional engagement often diminishes.

I think this creates a paradox within capitalism. Significant effort is invested in reducing costs and increasing efficiency, yet these gains do not reliably translate into greater human happiness. In many cases, cheaper and more abundant goods lead to reduced appreciation rather than deeper satisfaction. What do you think?

““It is more interesting, more complicated, more intellectually demanding and more morally demanding to love somebody, to take care of somebody, to make one other person feel good.””
— Toni Morrison

Daily mantra for 2026

The way you feel, the way you respond, and the way you live.

  1. This is going to be the best day of my life, not because it will be perfect, but because I will show up fully present and willing to learn from whatever the day brings.

  2. I control my mind; it does not control me. I do not control what will happen, but I control how I respond, and I choose to respond with joy and love to whatever happens.

  3. I am grateful for what I have right now, even if it is something small, even if the day is not perfect.

Compliance over competence

Have you ever noticed that some people move into management roles without having fully developed the skills required to lead others effectively?

Yes, this often happens in environments where visibility is rewarded more consistently than capability. In many organisations, promotion decisions prioritise predictability and low risk over potential and leadership strength. Individuals who maintain stability, avoid challenging existing ways of working, and create a sense of comfort for senior leadership are often seen as safe choices. Meanwhile, those who perform exceptionally well can unintentionally highlight gaps in systems, processes, or leadership above them.

Over time, this can limit the development of strong leaders. Commitment may be valued more than leadership capacity, alignment more than vision, and short-term comfort more than long-term growth. As this pattern becomes established, layers of management may reinforce existing behaviours, while high-performing employees experience frustration, disengagement, or decide to move on.

This is how organisations gradually normalise mediocrity, often without realising it. When leadership capability appears uneven across levels, it is rarely a matter of chance. It is usually the result of the structures, incentives, and signals the organisation has created. I think if organisations want more effective leaders, they must look closely at what behaviours they truly reward and whether those behaviours align with the future they are trying to build.

““Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ”
— Søren Kierkegaard

Let it go

Leaders can become so focused on proving how smart or right they are that they lose sight of their purpose: to make a meaningful difference. Before speaking, pause and ask yourself: “Am I willing, at this moment, to invest the energy required to create a positive impact on this issue?”
I think that If the answer is yes, speak with intention. If the answer is no, choose to let it go.

““Never confuse education with intelligence. Intelligence isn’t ability to remember and repeat, like they teach in school. Intelligence is ability to learn from experience, solve problems, and use our knowledge to adapt to new situations.””
— Richard Feynman

The 3 A's

The three A’s are a gentle way of staying rooted in appreciation and gratitude. First, acknowledge what you already have, rather than focusing on what is missing. Then, truly appreciate it, allowing yourself to feel the fullness of its value. Finally, allow what needs to come next, trusting that when you are present with what is, what is meant for you will follow.
What do you think?

Meaningful purpose

Leadership is more than a title or a seat at the head of the table, I think it’s about a shared sense of purpose. You have to have the courage to speak up when you see a better way, the courage to take calculated risks, and the courage to support one another when things get difficult. The road ahead is ambitious, and it won't always be easy. Let’s stop looking at what’s behind us and start building what’s next.
Happy New Year.

“Where there is no vision, there is no order. Where there is no order, there is no growth. And where there is no growth, the people perish.”
— Burrellism