Copenhagen is a wonderful city because of the incredible people who live here. However, loneliness and social division are increasing, and the connections that hold communities together are under pressure. Our sense of social cohesion is being tested in new ways. When people have fewer opportunities to meet, mix, and understand one another, it becomes harder to build trust across different backgrounds. Community spaces can play a vital role in addressing this by providing places to come together, share experiences, and seek advice and support. For many years, community centres were at the heart of neighbourhoods across Copenhagen, and I want to help restore that sense of belonging and shared purpose.
A rare convergence
The Chinese New Year (welcoming the Year of the Horse) began yesterday, and on the same day millions of people observed the first day of Ramadan on the Islamic calendar. It also marked Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent in the Christian tradition. This rare alignment of cultural and spiritual observances, each rooted in reflection, renewal, discipline, and intention. Highlighting how different communities around the world enter a period of inward focus and fresh beginnings at the same time.
Seeing yourself
Reality can be understood like a mirror: there is an image and there is a reflection. You cannot change the reflection directly, but you can change the image that produces it. In my work, I often use this metaphor to describe the relationship between the mind and lived experience. The reflection represents your life, while the image represents your mind. What you consistently think, believe, and attend to is what becomes expressed outwardly.
To change what is reflected, you first need to understand how the mind operates. I think of the human mind as functioning across three dimensions. The first is the conscious level, where we perceive and interpret the world through our senses. The second is the subconscious level, where core beliefs and patterns are shaped by experience, upbringing, and culture. The third is a field of potential, a space of possibility where different outcomes can emerge depending on what we attend to and reinforce.
Why suffer in silence?
Where are the support structures for men?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, name, and regulate your own emotions, and then communicate them in healthy and constructive ways. Many men struggle to express emotions beyond anger or sadness, not because they lack depth, but because they have been socialised to suppress their inner experiences and were never given the language to reflect on them. This emotional silence is harmful, both to men themselves and to the relationships they try to build with others. In this context, the growing loneliness epidemic is not surprising. I think now is the time to acknowledge that being human includes vulnerability, and that it is both acceptable and necessary.
If this resonates with you and you want to explore how emotional intelligence can support your personal or professional growth, contact me via email to book a complimentary discovery call.
What goes around comes around
Photograph of Slim Galliard - Dave Swindells ©
What you practise in private inevitably shows in public. The books you read reveal themselves in conversation, discipline reveals itself as confidence, focus becomes visible through results, and diet is reflected in your energy. I think ultimately, you are shaped by what you consistently cultivate when no one is watching.
Frederiksberg Toastmasters
Many high performers pursue belonging through achievement, status, or approval and I think this strategy can deliver results, but it rarely delivers security. Fitting in becomes a performance. Approval becomes the metric. Over time, authenticity narrows. True belonging operates differently, it requires self-acceptance first as without it, even success feels conditional.
In coaching conversations, this theme surfaces often. I have witnessed that highly competent and respected leaders privately question whether they are enough without the performance. Belonging is not built through perfection, it is built through congruence. The level of self-acceptance sets the ceiling for the level of belonging a leader can experience, both personally and within their teams.
Interested in hearing more?
I’ll be speaking at Vesterbro Library, Liva 2.1 · Lyrskovgade 4, 1758 Kbh. V from 11am. Alternatively, book a complimentary meeting via this link.
Putting ourselves out there
As Brené Brown writes in her book, Daring Greatly from 2015:
“We are psychologically, emotionally, cognitively and spiritually hardwired for connection, love and belonging. Connection, along with love and belonging, is why we are here, and it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives… Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
I think this has direct implications for leadership.
Creating value
In my experience, you bring a presence that has a calming effect on others, which is a powerful quality in uncertain and demanding environments. At the same time, I believe you cannot create anything of real value without holding both self-doubt and self-belief. Self-doubt keeps you questioning, refining, and avoiding complacency. Self-belief gives you the conviction to act and persist as without doubt, you risk stagnation. I think that without belief, you hesitate and never fully commit, and meaningful work requires the discipline to live with both.
The memory remains
When you are in a leadership position, even suggestions can be experienced as orders because power shapes how messages are received. Ultimately, decisions are made by those who hold the authority to make them, which brings responsibility, not entitlement. I think leadership is not about proving how smart, right, or impressive you are, but about using your position to make a positive difference. This requires humility and curiosity rather than the pretence of having all the answers. Trying to be something you are not erodes trust. Empathy also needs discernment: while it is often essential, applied without judgment it can sometimes hinder clarity and accountability.
“The one who fetches the water does not forget the path.” ”
Vital point
Image of Kirsten Klein (Holstebro Kunstmuseum)
Historically, movements such as abolitionism, the suffrage movement, and the Civil Rights movement were not funded by governments. They emerged in opposition to existing systems of power and oppression and were sustained largely through grassroots organising, private donations, and the support of individuals willing to use their resources, social standing, and influence to challenge the status quo. Progress depended on people who were prepared to accept personal risk in order to confront deeply entrenched injustice.
Clarify the issue
If you made a mistake, apologise.
If you are grateful, show it.
If you miss someone, connect with them.
If you are stuck, ask for help.
If you learn something new, teach it.
If you love someone, tell them, now.
If you are building a better future, invite others to join you.
““The most meaningful way to succeed is to help others succeed.””
The 16 basic desires
The 8th habit
The biggest influence in life is habit, so I think to get better results one has to develop better habits. Have you read the Stephen Covey book, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”?
1. Be proactive
2. Begin with end in mind
3. Put first things first
4. Think win-win
5. Seek first to understand, then be understood
6. Synergise
7. Sharpen the saw
8. Inner self growth and development
It's obvious
There are few skills more consistently rewarded with wealth and power than the ability to persuade people that their struggles are caused by others who are perceived to be more advanced. Rather than confronting complex structural issues or leadership failures, this narrative redirects frustration toward visible groups whose progress becomes framed as a threat. I think it’s a simple, emotionally effective tactic that trades nuance for blame, and while it can mobilise influence quickly, it does so at the cost of social cohesion, honesty, and long-term progress.
What do you think?
The gift of time
Am I simply a performance coach, or am I also a teacher?
For me, leadership is not about being the loudest voice in the room or having all the answers. It is what happens when you step back, speak less, and listen more, creating the conditions for others to think, learn, and lead. True leadership requires a willingness to empower teams with care and intention, rather than control. It also demands humility. If you cannot be challenged or corrected without becoming defensive or offended, meaningful growth becomes impossible. Growth, in leadership and in life, begins with the ability to listen, reflect, and adapt.
Overcoming expectations
The brain is constantly forecasting what should happen next, and our emotional response is shaped less by reality itself and more by whether reality confirms or violates those predictions. What we label as frustration or impatience is often the result of a prediction error rather than the event itself. When expectations shift, the emotional experience shifts with them, even if nothing in the external situation changes. Looking at this through the Daniel Kahneman lens, this is the interaction between fast, automatic interpretation and slower, more deliberate reframing. I think leaders who learn to manage expectations, rather than fight reality, gain greater emotional regulation and decision clarity.
NB: Daniel Kahneman (1934–2024) was a Nobel Prize-winning psychologist who authored the 2011 bestseller "Thinking, Fast and Slow”.
Protect yourself
How do you stop being affected by everything and everyone?
It begins with learning to stay calm and deliberately rewiring your wellbeing. This is not about disengaging or becoming indifferent. It is about stopping defensive reactions and choosing to respond with calm authority. When you own your response, external chaos loses its power over you. I describe this is emotional resilience as emotional invincibility. It is the ability to maintain a mental state where insults do not penetrate, rejection does not define you, and chaos does not shape your behaviour. Please do not hand strangers the remote control to your emotional state.
I think most people live reactively because whenever someone criticises them, they immediately defend themselves. Resilient leaders do something different, they separate facts from the stories they tell themselves and they respond to facts, not interpretations.
A useful filter is simple: “Can I control this?”
If the answer is no, then worrying about it adds no value. You cannot control someone else’s opinion of you, which makes it irrelevant to your self-worth. You cannot always control the event, but you can always own your response and that is where power lives.
Black History Month
Dr. Carter G. Woodson established Negro History Week in 1926. This initiative later evolved into Black History Month, which is celebrated annually throughout February in both the United States and Canada. This year marks the 100th anniversary of the first organised effort to formally acknowledge and challenge the systemic exclusion of Black history and contributions.
Stay accessible
“Sitting Female Nude” by Boscoe Holder
Deep and meaningful conversation often comes back to sacrifice for the greater good of the community. I spent many years of my life helping other people, and over time I began to understand how deeply that instinct was shaped by my history. Knowing your history, recognising its value, and preserving it matters, because a sense of connection to where we come from forms the foundation of who we are.
My family is Jamaican, my parents met in London and had three children. I am the second-born, the proverbial middle child, and the only son. As I have grown older, I have become more aware that certain parts of my own foundation were missing, and that I needed to actively investigate and understand them. That process has been essential, because it has shaped how I see myself, how I relate to others, and how I show up in the world.
Please give me a hand
A young student once asked a wise monk, “Master, how do I stop taking everything so personally?”
The monk smiled and said, “To stop taking things personally, you must learn what actually belongs to you and what never did.”
“Most of what people say or do is a reflection of their own inner weather, not a judgement of your worth.”
“When a storm passes overhead, you do not ask, ‘What did I do wrong?’ You simply let it pass.”
“In the same way, another person’s moods, words, or reactions are often storms that were brewing long before you arrived.”
“Your peace is not threatened unless you hand it over.”
“Taking things personally comes from believing you must control how others think, feel, or receive you.”
“But remember, you are not responsible for managing the emotions that live inside someone else’s mind.”
“The moment you stop trying to be understood by everyone, you reclaim your freedom.”