Human psychology is full of intriguing contradictions, often described as "unions of opposites." Robert Cialdini, in his book Influence, highlights how these opposites can be remarkably effective in persuasion. For example, we’re drawn to products that “everyone has,” associating popularity with quality, yet exclusivity - “only a few have this”- can evoke just as powerful a desire. Similar dynamics emerge with scarcity versus abundance, where the urgency of “act now, it’s almost gone!” contrasts with the reassurance of “there’s more than enough for everyone,” and with familiarity versus novelty, as in “this is a trusted classic” versus “discover something new and unique.” Beyond persuasion, these contradictions extend to the value we find in processes versus outcomes. Certain experiences gain meaning not from the result but from being savoured slowly and thoughtfully, where the journey itself becomes more significant than the destination.
What's social proof?
The first time I came across the term, “social proof” was in Robert Cialdini’s book ”Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” from the mid-80’s. Cialdini wrote… the principle of social proof says the greater the number of people who find any idea correct, the more the idea will be correct. Social proof is a phenomenon where people follow and copy the actions of others in order to display accepted or correct behaviour, based on the idea of normative social influence. Here are some current examples of social proof, customer testimonials, online reviews, social media shares, celebrity endorsements, and case studies. I think we all use the actions of others to decide on proper behaviour for ourselves, especially when we view those others as similar to ourselves.
Persuasion is one of the most important tools in life
According to Dr. Robert Cialdini’s book, “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” there are 6 universal principles of successful influence.
Reciprocity - People want to say “yes” to those who have given to them first, they feel obligated to give back.
Liking - Find commonalities as we prefer to say “yes” to people we like. In a negotiation scenario, finding that common goal ensures that we are more likely to get a better deal.
Authority - We prefer to say “yes” to those individuals who demonstrate competence and are experienced in a particular area.
Social Proof - If our peers are doing something then automatically we think it’s probably a good choice for us.
Scarcity - We want those things that are scarce, rare and not easily accessible.
Consistency - Commitment to being consistent with what we have already said or done publicly.
Persuasion skills are essential for success in every stage of life and are some of the most important skills that you can develop. Persuasion is NOT the ability to convince your opponents to see things your way, that’s manipulation. I think relationships are formed by our ability to listen to others and work in their best interests, and expertise comes with knowledge and experience.
There are some fundamental steps for improving your persuasion skills! I’m currently teaching my son how to frame his position when making a presentation, so that it highlights its benefits to all the stakeholders. And whatever you say must be backed up with evidence, in my opinion, metaphors and storytelling are best when you want to emotionally connect with your audience. Contact me via e-mail, if you are serious about improving your persuasion skills when negotiating mutual solutions.