The control process

Why is it that most people don’t realise that they have control over their lives?
I have never understood why human beings are so reactionary, they are reactive to their subconscious mind and the feelings and impulses they have in the moment. For example, how would you react when someone is driving irrationally and when they overtake you, they give you the bird (finger)? The natural reaction for most people would be to return the gesture. Now who are you relinquishing control to, the “twat” who gave you the bird or would you remain in control - what would your response be? The outcome would be extremely different depending on which decision you take. I think in general, when you react you relinquish control of the situation, and you only remain in control by not responding.