In a world where cynicism seems to reign supreme, it's easy to adopt the belief that nobody does anything out of genuine kindness – it's all just a facade masking self-interest. This perspective paints a bleak picture where altruism is a rare commodity and everyone is simply looking out for themselves. Change, if it ever happens, is portrayed as a slow and agonising process, often met with resistance and reluctance. I think in this cynical narrative, the pursuit of money becomes the primary driving force, overshadowing any noble intentions or aspirations for a better world. It's a harsh reality where trust is a luxury and sincerity is viewed with suspicion.
Asking for help
When people choose between talking about the past and talking about the future, the pragmatic person will always opt for the future and forget the past. It is always best to speak pragmatically to a pragmatic person, and at the end of the day, most people are pragmatic and will rarely act against their own self-interests.
You will always find yourself in the position of asking for help from those who are more powerful than you. There is an art to asking for help and all depends on your ability to understand the person you are dealing with, and not to confuse your interests with theirs. Most people never succeed at this because they are completely trapped in their own wants and desires. They start from the assumption that the people they are appealing to have a selfless interest in helping them, they talk as though their needs matter to those people – who, couldn’t care less.
Even the most powerful person is locked in the needs of their own. Self-interest is the lever that will move people, once you make them see how you can in some way meet their needs or advance their cause, their resistance to your requests for help will magically disappear. To see the other persons needs and interests, to get rid of the screen of your own feelings that obscure the truth.
What’s in it for me?
When asking for help appeal to people’s self-interest as subconsciously, they are asking themselves: What does one stand to gain from this action, activity or situation? According to the Oxford English Dictionary, “self-interest” means a concern for one's own advantage, interest, and well-being. I have found that when you discover something that will benefit the other person, usually they will respond more enthusiastically to your request. A key step is to understand the other person’s psychology. Once you make them see how you can in some way meet their needs or advance their cause, their resistance to your requests for help will magically fall away. You must train yourself to think your way inside the other person’s mind, to see their needs and interests and get rid of your own feelings that obscure the truth.
“Most men are so thoroughly subjective that nothing really interests them but themselves.”
I would like to think that this cynical truth is not the way I behave or act, but the personal gratification of sharing, helping, or sacrificing can never be truly altruistic as I gain an intrinsic reward. According to my mentor, the validity of this argument depends on whetherintrinsic rewards qualify as "benefits". Unfortunately, the harsh reality is that everyone acts out of self-interest as humans are always motivated by self-interest and selfishness.
Feedback is a gift
c/o Medium
Last night I had a deep discussion about motivation and I said that there’s no such thing as pure motivation. I think that ordinarily everything we do is in our self-interest. What a statement! Send me an e-mail and let me know what you think.
“Don’t be defined by what you want, be defined by what you give.”