For a long time, I told myself that nothing could hurt or damage me because I was mentally strong, but the truth is, it wasn’t mental strength protecting me, it was the armour I had built around myself. True mental strength isn’t about suppressing or minimising emotions, it’s about learning how to manage them in a healthy and productive way. Now, I’ve come to a place where I can handle those challenging feelings much better. I’ve realised that, often, the emotions I face aren’t entirely about the present moment, they’re connected to unresolved parts of my history. Recognising this has been a key step in my growth, helping me understand that to truly move forward, I need to address those deeper layers.
Anchored in trust
The strength that stays are:
Be a safe person.
Be someone who can be trusted to hold another person’s vulnerabilities, struggles, and fears with care. All while offering wisdom, protection, and confidentiality in return.
Be someone whose energy and presence bring serenity and joy, creating a sense of security for those around them.
Be a person whose words breathe life, and whose embrace makes even a stranger feel seen, heard, and loved.
““When setting out on a journey, do not seek advice from those who have never left home.””
Building resilience
Leadership is more critical than ever as leaders face unprecedented challenges. In these moments, it’s essential to stay present, even when you feel unsure about finding the right words. Take a moment to process, and remember to remain grounded, unaffected by the behaviour or framing of your coachee (client). This approach enables clarity and authentic leadership.
It's not their fault
When a top player on the team suddenly finds themselves in charge, their instinct is often to tell everyone what to do. I think this approach is exhausting and unsustainable. It’s not the new leader’s fault, though as they are rarely given proper training or a coach to guide them through the transition. Leadership involves three key responsibilities: coaching, motivating, and inspecting, depending on the situation. Inspection, in my view, includes activities like forecasting and setting quarterly goals.
Leaders often feel the urge to step in and be the saviour. It feels concrete and actionable: “We have an issue? I’ll handle it with the client. There’s a problem with a deal? I’ll tell you the next three steps to win.” Leaders leverage their experience and knowledge, while team members rely on their facts and research. But the more leaders step in, the more they create dependency. Team members will return to the leader’s office even sooner next time, seeking direction earlier in the process. Over time, this dynamic makes the team worse, not better. I call this “learned helplessness.”