opportunities

The ripple effect is bigger

It’s the autumn holidays and I’m still coming to terms with the passing of my mother. As a parent you have a responsibility to guide your children through life and I am grateful to be spending some quality time with my son. The life crises have a way of stripping you of our old certainties and throwing us into chaos and I think the only way to survive is to surrender to the process. When you emerge, blinking into the light, you have to rebuild what you thought you knew about yourself.

 

We live in an age of positive curation where everyone has a personal brand on social media and fear, anxiety and depression are on the rise. Challenges have a way of humbling us and knocking down our egos. The same thing can happen to two different people and one person may see it as a problem, something to complain about or run and hide from, the other can see it as an opportunity to learn and grow, and they dig in and push throughIt’s not easy to shift our mindset to view challenges as opportunities, as it takes practice to change our instinctual reaction. Every day I reveal my vulnerable self and this fragility has enabled me to build up an emotional resilience necessary to tackle the next challenge. 

 

I think what you learn from things not turning out the way you planned can give you a lot more texture and meaning. I definitely would not have seen the richness in my life if I had not suffered setbacks along the way, because without them I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am today, so I am extremely grateful. Success is not about getting things right the first time but stemmed from being able to look at one’s past honestly and then to correct missteps or errors of judgment. 


We Are All Fragile

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Today, all the FA Cup matches will start with a minute’s silence to bring awareness to mental health issues. I wonder what are the effects of stabbings, shootings and gang-related incidents on young males who have been conditioned not to speak their peers about emotional issues? Now as a Londoner who has been living in Copenhagen for 23 years where ethnic minorities, in general, are also not integrated within mainstream society, I have been observing disenfranchised men for decades.

How hurt we feel about our loss and if we do express it in any way then it is expected to be in a masculine way, for example, retaliation, revenge, speaking about retribution, etc., and that’s what we have been teaching each other for years. Perhaps this is why we have such a high rate of suicide amongst men because the dialogue is just not there. We are not speaking amongst ourselves about emotional issues, being open with one another about how we feel. Speaking up may not solve everything but it will definitely help!

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Many of us have heard about soldiers who served in Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria who returned ”home” with post-traumatic stress disorder. I think that there are similarities between war zones and the everyday battle young men are facing in our inner cities. The trauma of thinking that if they look at somebody in the ”wrong” way, they may be stabbed - this mindset are making people do some really crazy stuff. I can engage with these youngsters on their level, I can give them focus and aspiration because if we can change their mental game then we can change their external world.

We are all fragile, we all have traumas and it’s easy to judge people we see struggling with addictions, weight issues, self-esteem, etc. We have all been in a bad place in our heads, take a moment to think about that time in your life and just imagine how far you would have fallen you if didn’t have a support structure around you. There are many of us who think that we have got it together, we should all remember that we are only a few steps away from losing it all. 

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