People need to understand that childhood experiences shape how we give and receive love, resolve conflicts, and apologise. These patterns become ingrained templates that affect adult relationships, often creating cycles of triggers, misunderstandings, and emotional reactions. Recognising that a partner’s behaviours may stem from past experiences, such as sensitivity to abandonment or reactions like shouting, allows for a more compassionate perspective. Instead of taking these behaviours personally, seeing them as part of a deeper struggle fosters understanding, helping conflicts feel less intense and resolutions come more easily. I think unaddressed childhood traumas impact every part of life, especially relationships. To break free from unhealthy patterns, one must retrace and heal past wounds; otherwise, they risk being drawn repeatedly to familiar, even harmful, dynamics.
Spotting a narcissist
It's difficult to maintain the attention of someone who is set on being dissatisfied. Self-centered individuals, those people who are selfish, narcissistic, or self-absorbed tend to evaluate others only by the pleasure they provide. As long as you’re catering to their desires, they’re content, but the moment they grow bored, they’ll demand a change in your behaviour to serve their needs. People like this are insatiable, and their arrogant demands can never be fully met. So, if you find yourself endlessly trying to please someone who’s only happy when things go exactly their way, recognise that this may be harmful to your emotional health. I think trying to satisfy a narcissist is like attempting to drink the ocean with a teaspoon,it’s an endless, exhausting pursuit.
Plans for the 21st century
The only thing we know about the future is that it will be very different from the present, and it will change at a very rapid rate. We learn new things everyday but mostly one relies on the skills, the worldview, the personality that we acquired in our younger years. People will need very strong psychological resilience to keep learning and changing and throughout their lives. I think to survive and thrive in the 21st century we will require both adaptability and resilience skills.
Fear of the unknown
Everyone makes mistakes, so I think that one should own it, apologise and move on. Don’t spend time explaining or trying to justify yourself even though it’s natural to feel defensive. I think it’s important to understand that human beings don’t always get it right, and you will get it wrong most of the time when you try to defend yourself or make comparisons.
““Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person’s life.” ”
Race had nothing to do with my decision
Unconscious bias (also referred to as implicit bias) is the process of associating stereotypes or attitudes towards categories of people without conscious awareness – which can result in actions and decisions that are at odds with one’s conscious beliefs about fairness and equality. I think this can lead us to make biased and unfair decisions regarding who we hire for a job or select for a promotion, which classes we place students into and who we send out of the classroom for behaviour infractions, and which treatment options we make available to patients. And, we know from extensive research, that this happens all the time in our schools, in hospitals, in policing, and in places of employment.
Watch what people do
More food for thought
Any relationship that doesn’t have trust isn’t going to work, and I mean neither romantic nor professional, as I think trust is the most important part of any relationship. When the economy breaks down, it usually breaks down because there’s no trust in the markets, for example, banks that think the economy is going bad don’t trust consumers and don’t loan money, and subsequently, consumers who don’t trust their economic futures will not go out and buy things. Corporations who don’t trust consumers to support them won’t make investments or hire anybody, and this breaks down an economy. It’s the same thing in relationships, if I don’t trust that you are going to love me back then why will I love you?
Spice of life
If you love someone you don't have to prove yourself or change for them. Giving and receiving gifts is a legitimate love language, however, material items should never be the main source of stability and communication in a relationship. I think the most beautiful thing is to see a person smiling, and what’s even more beautiful, is knowing that you are the reason behind their smile. If you appreciate this message, please share it. You may touch someone's heart today and forever. Enjoy your day with a heart of gratitude.
Identify the decision
A mindset is like a fishing rod, it’s a way to maneuverer our lives to orientate ourselves towards success and good outcomes. The decision making process is making choices by identifying a decision, gathering information, and assessing alternative resolutions. Using a step-by-step decision-making process can help you make more deliberate, thoughtful decisions by organising relevant information and defining alternatives. I think that one of the biggest problems we are having in the world today is that people require simple answers to complicated questions. Therefore, it’s important not to make decisions today that you wouldn’t take again tomorrow.
“An unexamined life is not worth living.”
Combine feelings with facts
Your gut and your heart are connected to your brain via the vagus nervous system and 95% of serotonin is produced in the gut. Serotonin is the hormone that gives instructions to the body, for example, when to be happy, positive and in a good mood. The gut-brain axis (GBA) consists of bidirectional communication between the central and the enteric nervous system, linking emotional and cognitive centers of the brain with peripheral intestinal functions. There are both good and bad bacteria in the gut because the gut is connected to the brain and 95% of the instructions for movement is produced inside the gut.
When it comes to decision-making, knowledge is power. How do you feel about knowledge that comes from an unconventional source? Gut reactions can convey valuable information about potential choices and in a fraction of the time it takes to consciously analyse your options. I think it’s best to combine feelings with facts. Professor Julian Birkinshaw (London Business School) agrees that successful organisations must be equally comfortable applying gut instinct with careful research. The brain and gut may make an odd couple, contact me via e-mail to arrange a meeting about how to maximise your strengths and shore up your weaknesses.
The power of reframing things
Reframing is a technique used to help create a different way of looking at a situation, person or relationship, by changing its meaning. Reframing requires seeing something in a new way, in a context that allows us to recognize and appreciate positive aspects of our situation. Reframing helps us to use whatever life hands us as opportunities to be taken advantage of, rather than problems to be avoided. I think that reality is not a particularly good guide to human happiness as we often forget:
1) Things are not what they are, they are are what we think they are.
2) Things are what we compare them to.
Another way to understand the concept of reframing is to imagine looking through the frame of a camera lens. The picture seen through the lens can be changed to a view that is closer or further away. By slightly changing what is seen in the camera, the picture is both viewed and experienced differently. Contact me via e-mail for guidance, mentorship or coaching.
Just do as you're told!
Do you want to have compliant people? People who do what they are told, show up on time and get more efficient day by day. Alternatively, do you want people who care, passionate people, connected people who act and behave like they own the place? Do you want people who can look the customer in the eye and make a difference for that customer?
I think the person who works with you, not for you is all that we will have left as anyone can buy a robot. Loyalty is where success lies as no loyal employee will leave as long as you are both singing from the same hymn sheet. I mean if you welcome them, embrace them and nurture them - why would they leave your organisation?
The organisations of the future will not need a lot of people, they will just need people who care. People who are willing to make a difference, people who are willing to stand up and say, “I made this”. People who care only become restless enough to leave if they realise that you are not keeping it real. Unfortunately, these are not the people most organisations want. Most organisations want people who can be downtrodden, compliant and then they don’t have to worry about them leaving.
I think it’s better to have someone so passionate and good that you would miss if they were gone, rather than to have mediocre people who have no better place to go. What do you think?
TIP: L-U-V listening
I recently listened to a podcast where L.U.V listening was briefly described and it made me realise how many sales and marketing people preach - bla, bla, bla…
It’s the season of goodwill, so see below a L.U.V tip.
L – One important aspect of effective communication is learning how to listen. Listen without judgment, with your ears, eyes and heart to understand my situation
U – Understand: Repeat back in your own words to show understanding. I think that there is nothing that feels better to a human being than to feel understood.
V – The last step is validation, validate my feelings by expressing empathy even if you disagree. Try to put yourself in his or her shoes and consider how one might see it that way or how one might view it that way.
How do you do that?
I have always been a curious human being! Today, I thought about what it would be like if I were in your body right now.
How would I get frustrated?
What would I picture?
What would I say to myself?
How would I say it?
What tonality would I use?
Simple ways to say you care
It is not everyone who wants to lead a deep and passionate life.
It is not everyone who wants to leave the world better for having passed this way.
If you do, here are some simple ways to say you care:
Is there anything I can do for you?
How can I support you?
Do you need my help?
I always have time for you...
You are really good at what you do...
Teams: Diego Maradona (RIP)
Panoramic/Press Association Images
Football (soccer to my American friends) is the sport that has played the biggest role in my life. Yesterday we lost the most iconic footballer of all time, Diego Maradona (RIP). You can read the obituaries online, but I think every great team should have the following:
Storyteller
Designer
Builder
Magician
Stabiliser
Fighter
Explorer
Dreamer
Mentor
MARADONA
Recruiter
Dig the well before you get thirsty
Personal
We don’t question assumptions until the universe forces us to move out of the status quo. The people who get ahead are usually the people who do that questioning before they are forced out of the status quo, before a crisis strikes. Think out your outdated assumptions before the universe does it for you. Look at the decisions you are taking in your life right now and reflect. Question what you are doing and why you are doing them. And if you do not have a good enough answer for yourself then it’s probably not as strong as you believe it is.
Professional
I think that it’s in the hard times are when you grow and learn. To build top teams you will need to have real openness, to be honest without getting personal. Encouraging team members to express views without the fear of being ridiculed. Modern life is very technology-based, with people on their phones, therefore, the art of communication and speaking to people is nowhere as much part of life as when I was growing up.
Assumption is the mother of all mess ups
We are all seeking satisfaction, safety and belonging. I am fundamentally an optimist and part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed towards the sun and one's feet moving forward. The majority of us are focused on “what we know and what to do”, whereas the minority are focused on “what’s possible”. Our status and self esteem goes up because we can brag and boast about what we are doing.
I think the essential component of success is self awareness, introspection and reflection. The most truly successful people have it as they always gain wisdom along their journey. Perhaps the real gift of success are not economic gains and fame, but the wisdom and life lessons.
Nowadays, if you are not a millionaire no one is interested in your advice. In that case, I should shut up and concentrate on making some money. Sorry! I’m going to give you some advice: When you don’t know something, immediately say “I don’t know.” It shows confidence and you will keep on learning and growing and succeeding. Then say, "I will find out."
Happiness is a choice
Be grateful for...
1. The continuous good health of your loved ones and yourself.
2. The supportive truth tellers who love you.
3. The work that helps you grow with joy.
4. Having the freedom to express yourself.
5. Being able to choose how you spend your time.
6. The opportunity to teach and be taught.
7. Having the ability to give.