People need to understand that childhood experiences shape how we give and receive love, resolve conflicts, and apologise. These patterns become ingrained templates that affect adult relationships, often creating cycles of triggers, misunderstandings, and emotional reactions. Recognising that a partner’s behaviours may stem from past experiences, such as sensitivity to abandonment or reactions like shouting, allows for a more compassionate perspective. Instead of taking these behaviours personally, seeing them as part of a deeper struggle fosters understanding, helping conflicts feel less intense and resolutions come more easily. I think unaddressed childhood traumas impact every part of life, especially relationships. To break free from unhealthy patterns, one must retrace and heal past wounds; otherwise, they risk being drawn repeatedly to familiar, even harmful, dynamics.
Mind power
Trauma is not resistance to something that has happened, trauma is the trace of something that has happened and leaves on the depth of the body-mind, there may or may not be resistance to this trauma. I think trauma may have its roots in something that happened to us as a child, but we can also inherit trauma from our family or from our culture. Trauma does not necessarily have a personal origin, it can come from the collective field, whether that collective field is a family, nation, or race of people. For example, if a group of people have been persecuted their collective trauma is passed on from generation to generation. Why? This is because we are not bodies, we are minds born from minds, therefore, the content or at least some of the content of our minds is passed on. Especially the deep-seated trauma which can be passed on from one generation to another and that trauma is then felt in the experience in the body of the next generation.
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We Are All Fragile
Today, all the FA Cup matches will start with a minute’s silence to bring awareness to mental health issues. I wonder what are the effects of stabbings, shootings and gang-related incidents on young males who have been conditioned not to speak their peers about emotional issues? Now as a Londoner who has been living in Copenhagen for 23 years where ethnic minorities, in general, are also not integrated within mainstream society, I have been observing disenfranchised men for decades.
How hurt we feel about our loss and if we do express it in any way then it is expected to be in a masculine way, for example, retaliation, revenge, speaking about retribution, etc., and that’s what we have been teaching each other for years. Perhaps this is why we have such a high rate of suicide amongst men because the dialogue is just not there. We are not speaking amongst ourselves about emotional issues, being open with one another about how we feel. Speaking up may not solve everything but it will definitely help!
Many of us have heard about soldiers who served in Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria who returned ”home” with post-traumatic stress disorder. I think that there are similarities between war zones and the everyday battle young men are facing in our inner cities. The trauma of thinking that if they look at somebody in the ”wrong” way, they may be stabbed - this mindset are making people do some really crazy stuff. I can engage with these youngsters on their level, I can give them focus and aspiration because if we can change their mental game then we can change their external world.
We are all fragile, we all have traumas and it’s easy to judge people we see struggling with addictions, weight issues, self-esteem, etc. We have all been in a bad place in our heads, take a moment to think about that time in your life and just imagine how far you would have fallen you if didn’t have a support structure around you. There are many of us who think that we have got it together, we should all remember that we are only a few steps away from losing it all.
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