The DOUSE model, designed by Karen Foy and Suzanne Hayes-Jones, is a structured approach to ending a coaching conversation with a well-formed outcome aligned to the agreed goal.
The acronym stands for:
Double check the goal
Obstacles
Uncovered
Support
Ending
As we conclude a coaching session, the aim is to do so purposefully, supporting the coachee to design actionable steps, consolidate their learning about themselves and the situation, and feel empowered to move forward with clarity and confidence. Additionally, we want to ensure the session ends in the spirit of partnership, just as it began.
New pathways
People vary in their level of coachability, so when clients come to me, I look for any sign of willingness. While it’s great when someone is enthusiastic about learning and growth, that isn’t always the case. Coaching provides a safe space where people can fully be themselves, allowing them to see through the fog of fear, doubt, and anger. Through meaningful conversations, clients discover new pathways to achieve their goals. In essence, coaching is often less about behaviour change and more about identity, exploring who someone believes they are and who they aspire to become.
When working with leaders, my approach revolves around a single guiding question:
“Is there one thing you’d like to improve or enhance that we could work on together?”
“Would you be open to learning just one new thing that could make you better?”
“Can you think of one area where you’d really appreciate some support in developing?”
Once clients identify that one thing and experience the benefits of coaching, they often become more open to the process. They realise how valuable coaching is and that it never makes them feel inadequate.
““Where we have strong emotions, we’re liable to fool ourselves.””
It's lonely at the top
Our brains like to fix things, so when you tell me your story I subconsciously begin to strategise and think of solutions. I’m really good at problem solving and I really like people so coaching seemed like a natural progression. I became the catalyst when I ask questions and bring observations into our conversations. And one of the things I listen for is what makes this a problem for this person? It’s often a perspective, a mindset, an idea, assumption or a belief and that’s what I’m listening for. The details of the story then become fuzzy as I am homing in to the person in front of me.
- What’s really going on?
- Are you hurt and feeling betrayed?
- Are you thinking things should be different than they currently are?
- Do you have expectations that are just not happening?
- What are your fears?
- What’s making you anxious?
- What can’t you control?
You are not alone, there’s a lot going on for everyone.
Contact me via e-mail and let’s have a confidential conversation about what actions you think you should focus on.
““Quiet the ego and look for the lesson.””
Invisible coach
How do you help leaders and senior executives to be themselves if they don’t know who they really are?
Sometimes leaders and senior executives express an uncertainty about their true identity, yet they reveal it unconsciously during our conversations. In my 1:1 sessions, I reflect their thoughts back to them, and often, it suddenly “lights up” for me while they remain unaware. When you truly listen, people disclose their needs, desires, dreams, and fears. They simultaneously claim they don’t know what they want or need, nor who they really are. I think often, people are too close to their own lives to see themselves clearly as it’s challenging to view oneself from one’s own perspective. Contact me via email to book a free 30 minute discovery meeting.
The elephant in the room
Last week, the Danish Institute of Human Rights published their report highlighting the shocking state of affairs in Denmark regarding racial discrimination, and this has been well documented in the Danish media. It appears that there are many Danes and organisations who don’t want to ask the question, as they don’t want to face the facts because they know that they are going to have to do something. Conversations about race, class and gender in the workplace aren't easy and I think it’s essential to ensure people are seen and heard. Leaders usually listen with the prime objective to make things better and solve problems, sometimes all their team members want is to be heard. Contact me via e-mail to book a speech, workshop or coaching sessions.
Relaxing conversation
In sales conversions, my strategy is to minimise questions while maximising information extraction. I think keeping the conversation relaxed is key, employing open-ended inquiries like 'tell me more,' 'how so?' or 'help me understand.' As these questions facilitate deeper insights, like 'walk me through that again' or acknowledging emotions with 'that seems quite emotional for you, why is that?' I believe in always entering client meetings fully aware of the desired outcome, and by creating a precise plan for the next steps ensures that my questions align with moving towards that goal.
Sales is a performance art
I love to have conversations, do you? In order to have a great conversation we need to know more about that person or persons. Asking open-ended questions is the key to keep the other person talking and from a psychological standpoint, when the other person is talking, they are sharing a lot of information about themselves. When I am speaking to people, I want them to feel comfortable with me and I want to hear their story and gather information, so when I begin to talk, it will have more relevance and impact.
One of the best things you can do as a salesperson is to listen, look at things from the customer’s point of view and learn how to ask good questions. In my experience, I have found that the average salesperson practices what to say, the best salespersons practice what to ask. This is because when you ask, you keep the conversation going and you focus on them and not yourself. We often think that selling is about talking, it’s not. Selling is about understanding and if you can understand your customers, you can have better conversations. Remember, when you are talking to the customer that it’s not a presentation, it’s a conversation.
Mutual benefit
The world is an incredibly complicated place and none of us can ever have the full lock on truth, we only ever see the world from a particular vantage point. This means that our knowledge is going to have a special insight because of our vantage point, but it’s also going to be limited because of our vantage point. And so, this limited knowledge that we have about the world means that we must enter into any conversation with a deep sense of humility. This is because you need to help me to fill in my knowledge gaps, and I need you.
We have the opportunity to gain in our knowledge and to learn from anyone. I think that when we are thinking with humility anyone can be our teacher. The cool thing about conversations is when both of us look at the world from different vantage points, and that means that we each have something to offer the other. And this is true whether one person is the expert or not. A really great conversation is one where we genuinely learn something, or we come to a deeper understanding about why someone holds a particular point of view. It might have been a conversation that challenged you in all the right ways and left you feeling smarter. What are the design principles of a great conversation?
Selling is a profession
Last night I stated to a friend that great sales people don’t sound lake sales people. He said, “what do you mean?” I explained: “This is because great sales people have learned that the most effective way to communicate with people is to sound natural.” It’s a fact that if you are not selling then you are not in business. And I think everyone in sales agrees with the fact that people buy from people they know, like and trust.
Usually when we think of a salesperson as a person with commission breath, a person who is out for themselves, who’s pushy and always trying to close us. When we want to buy something or want help, who do we talk to? We talk to people who have some expertise in the area and who we enjoy talking with about that topic. This is something I was really lucky to learn very early in my career. The majority of salespersons learn this in the middle of their careers and then it’s a tough transition to unlearn and re-learn.
If you are able to have natural, organic conversations with people about what they care about and the challenges they are facing, then you have hit the sweet spot of selling. Too many salespersons think that it’s our insights and messaging that’s our gift, but this stuff puts us in the “sales rep zone”. When you are in that zone, then you are a commodity - What is it? How does it work? How is it different? What’s the price? - And if you are being treated like this, then it’s because you sound like a salesperson. Contact me via e-mail to arrange a sales training workshop for your organisation.
Each one, teach one
"There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life - happiness, freedom and peace of mind - are always attained by giving them to someone else." - Peyton Conway March
The pandemic and the current economic downturn is causing mental health issues all around the world. We know that this has been an issue throughout the lockdown. I have heard from so many people who are feeling lonely, anxious and depressed with many of them stressed and having suicidal thoughts.
How is the pandemic hurting your physical and mental wellbeing?
I am a mentor and available to talk to you during these turbulent times.