Curiosity becomes even more powerful when paired with knowledge. I mean the knowledge of how the brain works, how humans form beliefs, how trauma can be released from the body, and how conflicts of values and identities can be resolved. In my coaching sessions, I build on this foundation of curiosity by layering high-level questions as I believe this is where real transformation happens. People’s beliefs often reveal themselves through their language although most of the time, they don’t even notice it. That’s why I focus on active listening. I just let go of any attachment to what I think I might need and simply stay present. And when I do, the words my clients speak naturally guide me to the next question, the one that could change everything.
A good asking machine
I don’t know anyone who’s afraid of their ability to be curious, but I do know plenty of people who fear not having all the right answers. The power of coaching lies in curiosity, because coaching isn’t about having answers; it’s about asking questions. I think the best coaches are not the ones with the best answers, they are the ones with the best questions. That’s why I don’t want to be an answering machine, I prefer to be a good asking machine.
Let's ask questions
Coaching focuses on asking impactful questions rather than knowing all the answers. The strength of these questions comes from intentional preparation, but it’s essential for coaches to avoid overpreparing and relying on an overload of information. Instead, they need to be guided by genuine curiosity to uncover the client’s unique worldview. I aim to understand the coachees perspective before jumping in with solutions, using curiosity-driven questions to foster meaningful exploration and breakthroughs.
I think simplifying coaching by prioritising humanity and curiosity will create transformational change. Identifying clear outcomes helps guide coachees through initial steps toward their goals, considering the wider influence coaching can have on their surroundings. I also think by focusing on understanding and thoughtful inquiry, coaches can amplify their impact, empowering clients effectively.
One plus one in not always two
I always hold a discovery session with each client and during these session’s I ask questions like:
Where do you come from?
What’s it like in your world?
Who are you?
What traditions and values are important to you?
What might be holding you back?
I think it’s important to understand their cultural background and values. While we may never fully understand someone else’s culture, we can approach it with genuine curiosity and empathy, inviting clients to bring their whole selves into the conversation.
Business fundamentals
Here are some fundamental questions about a business which are valuable to ask at various key moments in the business lifecycle:
What do we stand for?
What’s our function?
Who do we appeal to?
Who’s our target audience?
How do we present ourselves?
How do we differentiate ourselves?
How do we make ourselves look different and feel valuable to the people who encounter us?
I think these questions will keep the business grounded and adaptable, making sure it consistently offers a clear, differentiated, and valuable experience to its audience.
Questions are the key
When was the last time a question changed your life? When was the last time a single word made a profound impact? I think words carry immense power and life and death are in the tongue. As coaches, how we speak to ourselves and what we say to our clients truly matters. Our clients look to us as beacons of hope, a place where they can authentically be themselves and where possibilities are ignited. It’s vital to help our clients recognise the greatness within them.
Focus on the person
When coaching, being fully present in the conversation with the client is essential. It's about having natural, authentic, and meaningful interactions that truly make an impact. Coaching isn’t about asking the most clever questions or simply helping the client find a solution, it’s about focusing on the person, not the problem. The goal isn’t to "fix" a problem but to engage in a co-creative process that empowers the client to discover their own path forward. By partnering with the client in a thought-provoking and creative dialogue, we inspire change and help them maximise their potential.
Models and frameworks don’t change lives; coaching does. Transformation happens one conversation at a time, and the real value lies in the coaching process itself. It’s not about showcasing expertise or using impressive tactics and techniques. I think true coaching is about having a genuine, authentic conversation in the moment, letting go of preconceived judgments and ideas to create a space for meaningful, human-to-human interaction. Ultimately, we are coaching the person, not the problem. Do you have a coach? Contact me via email for a “free” 30-minute confidential discovery meeting, and let’s explore how coaching can help you reach your full potential.
Open the door
It’s always inspiring to hear about organisations where leaders encourage their teams to speak up. I know that some leaders can seem intimidating because of their title or position. What I want to encourage people to do is start small and develop new habits that break the patterns of indoctrination we've absorbed over years of schooling and work. As we have been conditioned to focus on questions like:
Will this be on the test?
How do I get an “A”?
Where’s my promotion?
What I really want people to see is that we are like fish swimming in water who never think about the water. We often don’t recognise the environment we’re in. I think the key is to start questioning: “Is there any part of my life where I’m following the same patterns without thinking? Where could I have a conversation about getting to where I truly want to go?” Start by finding one person with whom you can have these meaningful conversations, and then expand from there. These discussions don’t come naturally. We need to encourage both team members and leaders to engage in them, to foster a culture where everyone can thrive, both at work and at home.
You are welcome
Traditionally, diversity focuses on the usual characteristics of gender, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, etc. I look forward to the day when diversity also incorporates individual values, experiences, knowledge, and ideas. I think that when organisations truly understand their employees, they can effectively target their focus areas by using employee surveys to gauge how employees feel across a broad range of indicators. These indicators can include areas like inclusion, wellbeing, the safety to speak up, hybrid working, strategy and purpose, and even customer-facing interactions and collaboration. Within this framework, organisations could ask a series of specific demographic questions to better understand how different communities feel.
What gets measured, gets managed
c/o Dun & Bradstreet
The purpose of a discovery meeting is two-fold:
Understanding the gaps in the client's business.
Determining why they have chosen to talk to us, specifically identifying the gap between their current state and where they need to be, because if there is no gap, there is no sale.
I think effective questioning and listening will help the buyer form an early vision of two things:
The need for change.
That we are the right people to help them make that change effectively.
You have to choose
I am always trying to understand:
What are people looking for?
Why are things the way they are?
Why is the layout the way it is?
If it is not working on me, why is it working on other people?
What kind of world view would make this communication effective?
““If you are free, you need to free somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else.””
Sources of convictions
A stereotype is a social perception that categorises individuals based on their membership in a particular group or their physical attributes. It involves making a generalisation about a group and then attributing those characteristics to individual members of that group. This process simplifies and often distorts the understanding of individuals within the group, potentially leading to biases and discrimination based on preconceived notions rather than individual merit or characteristics. Where do you think these stereotypical beliefs come from?
Why do you think men are better at science than women?
Why do you think overweight people are unhealthy?
Why do you think Muslims are more violent than Christians?
I think by delving into these questions we will prompt reflection on the complex interplay of cultural, historical, and psychological factors that shape our perceptions and attributions of certain traits or behaviours to specific groups. Contact me via e-mail and let’s explore the underlying assumptions and biases that influence your societal perspectives.
Questioning the question
Our identities are shaped by these mental models, defining how we see ourselves in the world. I've found that my most significant growth happens when I let go of these fixed ideas, acknowledging their limitations, and embracing the different perspectives. My strength lies in stepping outside my usual way of thinking to gain a broader understanding and discover new approaches. I think by questioning the question will challenge my own thinking patterns for deeper insights and should be applied to my intellectual mind.
Next meeting or more discovery
Communication thrives on stories, and questions are the conduits shaping its course. I strategically ask questions that elicit conversation, aiming to activate their self-disclosure loop. I prioritise actively listening and offering undivided attention to incentivise my clients to share, making them feel valued, and this rapport often leads them to unveil their narrative. In my experience, once they hit the 'too much information' zone, it's simply a matter of leaning back and letting them guide the discussion toward everything necessary to seal the deal. Whether it's about planning the next step, scheduling another meeting, or diving deeper into discovery, I adapt to their language and seamlessly prompt for it.
Relaxing conversation
In sales conversions, my strategy is to minimise questions while maximising information extraction. I think keeping the conversation relaxed is key, employing open-ended inquiries like 'tell me more,' 'how so?' or 'help me understand.' As these questions facilitate deeper insights, like 'walk me through that again' or acknowledging emotions with 'that seems quite emotional for you, why is that?' I believe in always entering client meetings fully aware of the desired outcome, and by creating a precise plan for the next steps ensures that my questions align with moving towards that goal.
Learn how to tell a story
I think you should always enter client meetings with a clear understanding of your desired outcomes. Advance preparation, including the formulation of your preferred questions, is essential. What questions do you find most effective? Customise them to align with your personal questioning style, and ensure they remain open-ended. It's crucial to avoid the common practice of extracting information solely to manipulate the client. Instead, aim to have the client do the majority of the talking, encouraging them to share anecdotes and stories. This approach maximises their willingness to unveil their underlying challenges.
Gathering information
Typically, our sales process entails a sequence of critical milestones. These milestones include gaining a comprehensive insight into the client's internal buying procedures, acquiring a clear understanding of the legal review process, and identifying key stakeholders while understanding their individual and business objectives and motivations. In order to navigate the inherently non-linear nature of this process, we approach sales and buying as a series of commitments we establish with our clients. This involves phases such as initial discovery, examining potential solutions, involving additional stakeholders, further discovery, comprehensive discussions, reaching mutual agreement on the investment, bringing in more stakeholders, managing conflicts, fostering collaboration, and refining the solution. I think at times, it may appear as if we are starting from scratch, despite being in close proximity to the finish line.
Ask questions
Arrogance pretends it knows, whereas humility shows up to learn. I think we all desire knowledge and seek to avoid appearing ignorant, ultimately transforming learners into knowledgeable individuals by showing up to learn rather than pretending to know it all.
Why is it important to test assumptions?
Can you give me an example of a situation where testing assumptions led to a positive outcome?
What are some common barriers to exploring different options?
How do you personally challenge yourself to grow and develop?
In what contexts do you find it challenging to listen deeply, and how can you overcome those challenges?
What has been a significant change you've made in your life, and what motivated it?
Can you explain the concept of feedback loops and their significance in various scenarios?
How do you go about seeking input from others, and why is it valuable?
Please send me your answers via e-mail.
I will give free 45 minute 1:1 consultation to everyone who replies before midnight on Sunday (17th September 2023).
Ask better questions
I think asking questions is a fundamental characteristic of brilliant thinkers as they understand that questioning allows them to explore new ideas, challenge assumptions, and gain a deeper understanding of the world around them. I also think asking questions pushes the boundaries of knowledge by identifying gaps, challenging assumptions, promoting critical thinking, stimulating curiosity, inspiring innovative solutions, and fostering collaboration. By constantly questioning, brilliant thinkers are able to expand the frontiers of knowledge and make significant advancements in their respective fields.
How to gain trust?
Open-ended questions encourage the person to elaborate and provide more information, allowing for a richer and more detailed conversation. To probe and gather more information on a specific topic, here are five open-ended questions you can ask:
- Can you provide more details about [specific aspect of the topic]?
- How does [specific aspect] impact or influence [broader concept]?
- What are some potential challenges or obstacles associated with [topic]?
- Could you share any relevant examples or case studies that illustrate [concept or phenomenon]?
- In your opinion, what are some promising areas of future research or exploration within [field or topic]?
I think that when you get the brain to think differently by asking questions, you are forcing the client to open up and think.
““The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.””