Curiosity becomes even more powerful when paired with knowledge. I mean the knowledge of how the brain works, how humans form beliefs, how trauma can be released from the body, and how conflicts of values and identities can be resolved. In my coaching sessions, I build on this foundation of curiosity by layering high-level questions as I believe this is where real transformation happens. People’s beliefs often reveal themselves through their language although most of the time, they don’t even notice it. That’s why I focus on active listening. I just let go of any attachment to what I think I might need and simply stay present. And when I do, the words my clients speak naturally guide me to the next question, the one that could change everything.
A good asking machine
I don’t know anyone who’s afraid of their ability to be curious, but I do know plenty of people who fear not having all the right answers. The power of coaching lies in curiosity, because coaching isn’t about having answers; it’s about asking questions. I think the best coaches are not the ones with the best answers, they are the ones with the best questions. That’s why I don’t want to be an answering machine, I prefer to be a good asking machine.
Everyone can be better
The core model of coaching focuses on raising awareness and setting clear, positive goals. To do this effectively, it is crucial to establish a genuine connection with the client, demonstrating care for both the client and the process we are engaged in. A key responsibility of the coach is to help the client gain clarity—about what they want, their current situation, their goals, and the factors that will support them throughout the process. Curiosity is a powerful motivator for a coach; being genuinely curious about the client’s journey enhances your ability to guide and support them effectively.
Challenging the client’s thoughts and holding them accountable as they make progress is also essential. Confidence in the coaching process, belief in the client’s potential, and a guarantee of confidentiality are all critical to a successful coaching relationship. Both the coach and the client must be committed to the process and the desired outcomes. With this foundation, not only can clear goals be set, but they can also be achieved.
Let's ask questions
Coaching focuses on asking impactful questions rather than knowing all the answers. The strength of these questions comes from intentional preparation, but it’s essential for coaches to avoid overpreparing and relying on an overload of information. Instead, they need to be guided by genuine curiosity to uncover the client’s unique worldview. I aim to understand the coachees perspective before jumping in with solutions, using curiosity-driven questions to foster meaningful exploration and breakthroughs.
I think simplifying coaching by prioritising humanity and curiosity will create transformational change. Identifying clear outcomes helps guide coachees through initial steps toward their goals, considering the wider influence coaching can have on their surroundings. I also think by focusing on understanding and thoughtful inquiry, coaches can amplify their impact, empowering clients effectively.
Support your clients
Stay curious about who your clients are and what truly matters to them. It’s important to enter a space of openness, journeying together to explore what it’s like to live their experiences. By building a foundation of trust and rapport, you can support your clients on a path of self-discovery, reflection, and transformation, helping them trust in new experiences and outcomes.
Some life lessons
I don’t use Tick-Tock but my children do, so sometimes I am confronted with some things to ponder, for example…
"Life is 100% better when no one knows anything about you."
Privacy can bring clarity and peace of mind. Guard it as you guard your ambition."You shouldn’t take advice from people who are not where you want to be in life."
Only follow the footsteps of those who have walked the path you aim to conquer."Everyone will show you who they are; just give them time."
Patience reveals truth. Be observant, and let time expose true intentions and character.You must be smart enough to create your own opportunities. Why wait for someone else to offer you what you desire when you have the ability to create it yourself?
“The secret of happiness is freedom, and the secret of freedom is courage.”
To achieve freedom, be courageous enough to act, to fail, to rise, and try again."You will always have problems."
Life will throw challenges, but you have the power to adjust your perception. Will you cry in the storm or dance in the rain?
““Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned.””
A better understanding
I think an act of curiosity is an act of vulnerability, and true empowerment means stepping away from power and the spotlight to let others realise their potential, rather than solving the problem for them. Share your story, preserve its integrity, and control its narrative.
““The harm is in the unwanted help or helping them when they need to figure things out for themselves. Help is the sunny side of control.””
Curiosity killed the cat
Can you stay curious a little bit longer?
Curiosity is perhaps the most important strength we have as human beings. How can we ensure that we stay curious, empowering our leaders, our colleagues, our employees, and our employers? I think it’s important not to rush to advice giving or action - take things a little more slowly. Try asking the question, "And what else?" as it’s a way to encourage deeper thinking and exploration, allowing for a more thoughtful discussion.
““Why are we obsessed with energy when we should be obsessed with the brain”.”
We ask to get to know
The quality of your life is directly influenced by your ability to communicate with confidence and clarity. Part of being a good communicator requires that you become an active listener, and active listening requires you ask questions. Questions have benefits for both the questioner and the people responding. I think one of those benefits is proving the other person the opportunity to show more of their authentic selves. I have found that good questions really help in the discovery phase and when you ask better questions your clients will open.
Asking questions is only half the process, the other half of it is being mindful about how you respond to people. Questioning helps us do more than gathering information, like data, facts, and details. It can also help us to learn about what people are thinking, feeling and in some cases what they want. I define a better question as one that demonstrates genuine curiosity but without being too intrusive, and when we can strike that balance that’s when we can shatter the perceptions that we have of other people and what people have of us.
Stay alert
c/o Coutts.com
How often do you rush to judge, and does this judgement serve you well or is it a hindrance when trying to reach your goals?
This question struck me both intellectually and emotionally and I started to consider why our minds are meaning-making machines, constantly making assumptions, judgements, and looking for patterns. This is not bad trait as it has kept humans safe as we evolved for a very long time. However, these internal narratives can be filled with bias, they can be self-destructive, or can also result in hurting someone else. At the end of the day, our judgments can be the lens through which we understand the world and that lens is foggy.
“Be curious, not judgmental.”
What can stand in the way of spotting opportunities?
I think curiosity is what really unlocks the ability to spot opportunities and it is available to every single one of us. All we have to do is ask questions and continue to believe that we can discover and probe and learn more and more every single day. The Achilles heel for many business people is that you believe you are an expert, so anyone who is already believing that they have a certain expertise in any variety of business or any part of life, stops asking questions and that’s a dangerous thing. If you want to spot opportunity and create something new or just keep up to date in a rapidly changing world then curiosity is your friend. Curiosity genuinely doesn’t know, it wants to find out more, whilst judgement already knows enough. Curiosity is a tool and goes by names like listening, appreciation and connection. Stay alert…
Curiosity is critically important in sales
We currently live in a world where we can connect to whomever we want whenever we want, therefore, why would we connect to someone who is selfish and boring? We are more likely to connect with people who are interesting and generous. I think selling is about matching a solution to a problem and it’s also about building relationships.
Salespersons are usually trained in behaviours that buyers find no value in, therefore, they are going to have to learn how to change their thought processes before they can change their behaviours. I think sales should be fun and I always try to make it fun, as I am a curious person and approach everything with curiosity. When you approach things with curiosity, you are present, you are learning and you are connecting. You will always learn new things that push you out of your comfort zone. Do you have a sales manager who trusts you to do things your way? Sales training should not always be about compliance to methods and processes. How can I help your team to tap into their natural curiosity and overcome the roadblocks to success? Contact me via e-mail for sales training and workshops.
It’s all OK
I’ve learned how to tap dance around all the mental traps that most people who look like me tend to fall for. I always seek the beauty in things and still have this wonderful curiosity and excitement when meeting new people. Everyone has a different emotional thermostat which has been regulated by how they were raised, and developed by the traumas they may or may not have experienced.
I’ve been training for years and years to develop practical empathy as people don’t know what I know, and I don’t know what they know and I am comfortable with that. I am constantly asking questions:
- What do they know?
- What do they need?
- What happened to them that led them to believe that in this moment they are being reasonable?
I think that if we can ask ourselves these question enough times, then not only will it help us make change, it will also help us to contently live with the world as it is. We can’t change the whole world, so if we try to understand it as it is, then it will be easier to decode it and figure out a way to make it better. Contact me via e-mail to arrange a meeting in confidentiality.
Is art a cure for curiosity?
Is the purpose of our culture to enable capitalism or is the purpose of capitalism to enable culture? I would like to believe that it’s the latter, send me an e-mail and let me know what you think?
How to change everything?
The effects of Covid-19 and the measures put in place to combat it over the past 7 months have brought severe changes to all our lives. It is more important to know where you are going than to get there quickly. The pandemic has shown me, almost instantly, that the path I had anticipated for 2020 was not going to materialize.
True curiosity is not simply the gathering of information, it’s the questioning of information gathered. I think we have to get better at asking our audience what they want from us, improve how we engage with consumers and re-evaluate our business models. You don’t need permission from people to lead them, they are waiting, we are are all waiting for you to show us where to go next.
Curiosity killed the cat
I was recently asked whether curiosity was my primus motor? No, I think that curiosity is what fuels me! What drives me is a desire to make things better. I see what I think is broken and I see what people will benefit from learning, not because it will make things better for me but better for them. And the tool that I use to see those things and provide the insight is my curiosity of asking, “Why didn’t that work?” and “Why is this not what it could be?”
Most of the entrepreneurs I know are not saying, look at my bank balance and they are not saying here’s how I cut corners. They are people who would like to make things better by making better things. And I am proud to be in that category, and all I am trying to do is spread the word.