personal development

A little reminder

I think that failing to assertively say "No" or set clear boundaries can lead to numerous problems. It's essential to recognise that lacking these boundaries can be quite costly. Rather than resorting to lies or excuses, it's important not to fear disappointing individuals who only seem to remember you when they need something. Instead, choose to decline their requests immediately. Remember, while empathy is valuable, it should be accompanied by well-defined boundaries to avoid self-destructive consequences.

““You can cut all the flowers but you can’t stop Spring from coming.””
— Pablo Neruda

Ask questions

Arrogance pretends it knows, whereas humility shows up to learn. I think we all desire knowledge and seek to avoid appearing ignorant, ultimately transforming learners into knowledgeable individuals by showing up to learn rather than pretending to know it all.

  • Why is it important to test assumptions?

  • Can you give me an example of a situation where testing assumptions led to a positive outcome?

  • What are some common barriers to exploring different options?

  • How do you personally challenge yourself to grow and develop?

  • In what contexts do you find it challenging to listen deeply, and how can you overcome those challenges?

  • What has been a significant change you've made in your life, and what motivated it?

  • Can you explain the concept of feedback loops and their significance in various scenarios?

  • How do you go about seeking input from others, and why is it valuable?

Please send me your answers via e-mail.
I will give free 45 minute 1:1 consultation to everyone who replies before midnight on Sunday (17th September 2023).

Act like you know

If you are not in charge of yourself and your life, for example, your emotions and thoughts, then what you do and what you don’t do, really doesn’t matter as you are not free. I think creating structure and rules may feel limiting like you are giving up freedom, but in reality, you are actually gaining freedom that a lot of people have never ever tasted. Therefore, true freedom comes from being in control of oneself, including our thoughts, actions, and decisions.

““When a man can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.””
— Viktor Frankl

Arrogance vs. confidence

Self-serving advice refers to guidance that primarily benefits the giver rather than the receiver, and I’ve learned that it usually does not align with my needs. Arrogance is loud and tends to stem from inner insecurities. In contrast, confidence is quiet and calm, and this arises from a foundation of substantiated achievements. Psychologists term this self-efficacy – essentially, a person's self-assuredness in their ability to perform required actions to achieve particular goals. I think this concept holds the key to dealing with uncertainty.

Big implications and trust

One of the things that I notice about people who have achieved a degree of commercial success, particularly at a young age, is their tendency to become more cautious and defensive. I think everybody knows that once you have had any form of commercial success your jokes are perceived as being really funny and your physical appearance becomes exceptionally attractive. If you start believing the hype, this belief can be seriously detrimental. I can really understand why celebrities form relationships with one another, as they understand each other’s day to day challenges.

““3 components make an entrepreneur: the person, the idea and the resources to make it happen.” ”
— Anita Roddick

Internal states

To embark on this journey of self-evolution, it's wise to start with modest yet purposeful strides. Initiating small, intentional habits that resonate with the envisioned identity serves as a crucial foundation. Behaviours are tied to cues that precede them and they are reinforced by reward that comes after them. These deliberate actions stand as tangible proof of our commitment to the process. As we engage in these behaviours, we gradually accumulate a reservoir of evidence that we are actively morphing into the individual capable of materialising our aspirations.

A new belief

When seeking to bring about personal growth and accomplishment, it's essential to shift our perspective from fixating solely on desired outcomes to embracing the transformative power of identity. Rather than asking ourselves what we wish to achieve, we should redirect our focus to consider who embodies the qualities and attributes required to attain those goals. This shift in mindset allows us to delve into the core essence of success: becoming the very type of individual who naturally thrives in the desired arena.

First impressions

Image c/o Inc. Magazine

How can I make a great first impression?
Making a great first impression is crucial in both personal and professional settings. A professor from Howard University once told me that I made a great first impression because I showed trust and respect. I was raised to show empathy and authority, so I believe that we are saying exactly the same thing. One can definitely build upon these traits to improve one’s ability to make a positive first impression, for example, by smiling and maintaining eye contact or by using positive body language.

““You never get a second chance to make a first impression.””
— Will Rogers

The scoreboard never lies

I think systems are more powerful and effectiveness than goals. My ultimate aspiration is to maintain lifelong health, mobility, abundant energy, and endurance, enabling me to enjoy playing with my great grandchildren. To achieve this, I recognise the importance of establishing a set of disciplines to guide my actions. While goals are valuable for providing clarity on what needs to be accomplished, they only serve as a temporary guide. It's crucial to emphasise that the system or process we adopt is the key differentiating factor, and this system encompasses a collection of habits that support my long-term vision. Once I know the direction I'm heading, I can set the goals aside and focus on faithfully following the system. This is because achieving a goal might bring momentary satisfaction, but it's the consistent adherence to a well-designed system that leads to lasting and meaningful results.

If you fix the outcomes

Image c/o Linkedin

What are the habits behind the outcome?

When you focus on improving the outcomes you desire, your habits will naturally fall into place. I think the way you perceive yourself has a significant impact on your daily actions. As you encounter different experiences in life, the lens through which you view yourself affects how you interpret and respond to them. For a habit to truly endure over time, it must align with your core identity. When your actions are in harmony with your internal beliefs and values, you're more likely to sustain those habits in the long run. In essence, congruence between your actions and your identity plays a crucial role in fostering lasting habits.

The self-discovery loop

The self-disclosure loop is a common occurrence in human interactions where individuals gradually disclose personal information, leading to a sense of connection and validation. When someone starts by sharing small bits of personal information, they may receive positive responses or validation from the listener. This positive feedback triggers the release of dopamine in the brain, creating a sense of pleasure and reinforcing the desire to continue sharing. As a result, the person may feel compelled to disclose more information, hoping for further validation or a deeper connection. I think that in certain instances where the self-disclosure loop reaches a point where the information shared becomes excessive or inappropriate for the context. This can leave the listener feeling uncomfortable or wondering why the person revealed such intimate details. It's crucial to maintain boundaries and respect the comfort levels of others as not everyone may feel comfortable with receiving extensive personal disclosures, especially in initial or casual interactions. Being aware of these dynamics can help individuals navigate conversations more effectively and foster meaningful connections without crossing into the "too much information" zone.

Stoic lessons

Five Stoic lessons from Epictetus:

1. Things don't upset us, it’s our judgment about things does.

2. You become what you give your attention to.

3. You can't learn what you think you already knew

4. To improve, be OK to be thought foolish

5. Stop waiting to demand the best for yourself

““People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.””
— Epictetus

A key question

Yesterday, I was asked a fantastic question: What change are you seeking to make?
I answered: This is a key question when working with clients to help them create personal development plans. If you are going to show up in person in real time, whether at an event or even making a presentation, you are performing. And I think our goal is not only to deliver information but also to deliver emotion with the purpose to cause a change in the people who are listening to you.  

““You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do, but you can build a solid reputation on doing what you say you will do.””
— Burrellism

Signals of progress

Here are some skills that are highly sought after in various industries and have the potential to provide long-term financial benefits:

- Accountability
- Consistency
- Empathy
- Honesty
- Integrity
- Passion
- Perseverance
- Positive self-talk
- Self-confidence

I think possessing these skills can greatly enhance your professional life and increase your chances of financial success.

Preparing for change

Our brain has to use shortcuts to make sense of the world, and any form of behavioural change whether positive or negative requires communication. In many real-life situations, we lack complete knowledge, face an uncertain future, and must depend on instinctive heuristics. A heuristic is a simple rule of thumb which is not perfect but offers quick and dependable results for most intents and purposes. I think that many of our beliefs are formed to prevent cognitive dissonance; we seek to maintain a positive self-image and often engage in constructing narratives to support those beliefs.


The result is the same

There are two different perspectives on finding satisfaction and solving problems.

1.     Diminish your wants by finding contentment within oneself rather than seeking external material possessions. Here one would focus on gratitude, mindfulness, and personal growth.

2.     By increasing your means or resources one can improve their quality of life and find contentment. This approach aligns with the pursuit of material possessions, wealth, and external achievements.

There’s a psychological solution to happiness or the materialistic economic version. Both perspectives have their merits, and the choice between them ultimately depends on personal values, beliefs, and circumstances. I think it's important to note that these perspectives are not mutually exclusive, and individuals may incorporate elements from both approaches to find their own unique path to fulfillment.

Reputation building (2)

““Any form of behavioural change, whether good or bad, does require communication. It might happen anyway, but it will happen much faster if you advertise it.””
— Burrellism

This statement emphasises the role of communication in facilitating and expediting behavioural change. If you want to change a certain behaviour, whether it's positive or negative, communicating your intentions and efforts can have a significant impact. By openly expressing your commitment to change and informing others about your progress, you not only hold yourself accountable but also allow others to witness and acknowledge your efforts. I think that this transparency and communication will help to build trust and encourage support from those around you, which can further facilitate and reinforce the desired behavioural change.

What are you doing to build your reputation?
I think your reputation is how others see your character, skills, behaviour and values, therefore, it’s vitally important to be introspective and honest with yourself. Contact me via e-mail for 1:1 coaching sessions.

Reputation building (1)

““You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do, but you can build a solid reputation on doing what you say you will do””
— Burrellism

This statement highlights the importance of consistency and follow-through in establishing a reputation. As if you go around making promises or having good intentions is not enough to build a solid reputation. Your reputation is based on your actions and the extent to which you fulfil your commitments. When you consistently deliver on your promises and demonstrate reliability, people begin to trust and respect you, which contributes to building a strong reputation. I think actions speak louder than words when it comes to reputation building. Consistently delivering on your commitments and promises is crucial for establishing a solid reputation.


What are you doing to build your reputation?
I think your reputation is how others see your character, skills, behaviour and values, therefore, it’s vitally important to be introspective and honest with yourself. Contact me via e-mail for 1:1 coaching sessions.

Dare to be different

Once you recognise the fact that the truth isn’t taught to the masses, then the pursuit of truth can lead you onto a path of solitude. The weak lean on each other as very few have the strength to walk alone, I think the capacity to experience true solitude may provide you with an inner richness. Nowadays it takes honesty, courage, integrity, and commitment to tell the truth, because we are visibly oppressed and controlled by dangerous influences. There are so many talented people with wonderful creative brains and ideas that we will never hear from because they are too busy surviving. There are also so many people who tried and burned out or were forced to give up their passion to concentrate on making enough money to live. Contact me via e-mail to book a 1:1 session.

Kicking a habit

I think developing a conviction to change is a crucial first step towards making lasting changes. This conviction can then transform into a strong determination to change, which will motivate you to make sustained efforts towards implementing that change. Take the example of quitting smoking - you need to be aware of the harmful effects of smoking, and then increase your awareness until you firmly believe in the need to quit. This conviction will further strengthen your determination to quit, and ultimately, you will need to make a conscious effort to establish new habits. In this context, education and learning play an important role as they can help you develop the conviction and commitment needed to make lasting changes.

Contact me via e-mail to book a meeting where we can anaylise your goals, objectives and results.