emotional intelligence

Leading diverse teams

c/o LinkedIn

The success gap between emotionally intelligent leaders and those who remain unaware is striking. According to Daniel Goleman, emotional intelligence accounts for 90% of the difference between exceptional leaders and average ones. However, while emotional intelligence (EQ) is essential, does it fully equip you to lead a diverse team effectively? I think EQ is vital for managing the challenges of navigating a group with varying opinions, values, and needs. Yesterday, I had an insightful conversation with a cultural intelligence (CQ) expert, which made me realise that building trust within a diverse team also requires CQ.

Understanding the needs and expectations

Relationship management is the ability to build strong connections, communicate effectively, and collaborate with others. It is the most visible aspect of leadership, reflected in how leaders guide, influence, and inspire those around them. Effective leaders motivate others by articulating purpose and meaning in their work, fostering both individual and team success. I think they manage conflicts constructively, remaining calm and focused on solutions that allow all parties to thrive. Beyond achieving immediate results, great leaders are also invested in developing future leaders, helping others build their strengths and reinforcing the leadership foundation of their organisation for long-term growth.

Accurate perceptions of people

Social awareness is the ability to assess your environment and understand the emotions, needs, and perspectives of others, including how your organisation operates from a systems perspective. For leaders, what matters most is empathy, the ability to tune into the people around you, whether they are above, besides, or below you. Effective tuning in involves three key components:

1. Cognitive empathy – Understanding how others perceive a situation and seeing it from their perspective which is often described as “walking a mile in their shoes.” This includes sensing the language or mental models they use to interpret reality and communicating in a way that resonates with their inner framework.

2. Emotional empathy – Leveraging the brain’s social circuitry to instinctively and consciously connect with others. This allows leaders to sense what others are feeling, fostering real-time emotional alignment and keeping interactions on track.

3. Empathic concern (caring) – Going beyond understanding thoughts and feelings to genuinely caring about others. Leaders who demonstrate this ability build trust and rapport by showing that they value and support the people they lead.

Improvement is always possible

Self-management is the ability to regulate and control your emotions, thoughts, and behaviours effectively. It consists of four key components:

  1. Self-control – Managing upsetting emotions to maintain focus and emotional balance.

  2. Positive outlook – Seeing the bright side of situations, even in the face of challenges.

  3. Adaptability – Adjusting to changing circumstances while embracing a growth mindset. It’s the belief that improvement is always possible.

  4. Achievement orientation – Staying focused on meaningful goals despite daily distractions. Goal-setting also serves as a powerful tool for emotional self-management.

Self-awareness is key

Self-awareness is the ability to understand your emotions and how they shape your perceptions, thoughts, and impulses to act. Emotional self-awareness helps direct our attention, making it crucial to recognise what we are feeling, how intensely we feel it, and where it is guiding our focus - since attention ultimately shapes our reality. I think being aware of how emotions influence attention provides a valuable diagnosis of our current state. Maturity, in this context, involves widening the gap between impulse and action.

Although self-awareness is the least visible aspect of emotional intelligence, research indicates that individuals with low self-awareness struggle to develop strengths in other areas of EQ. By contrast, those with high emotional intelligence consistently achieve excellence across various domains.

The cornerstone of trust

Emotional intelligence (EQ) involves recognising, understanding, and managing one's own emotions, as well as influencing the emotions of others. Daniel Goleman's research indicates a strong correlation between high emotional intelligence and exceptional leadership performance. Unlike IQ, which remains relatively constant throughout life, EQ can be developed and enhanced at any stage. Harvard University emphasises the importance of emotional intelligence in leadership, offering programs designed to help leaders build trust, manage difficult discussions, and enhance team performance through improved emotional intelligence.

Over the next four days I will be writing about self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relational management as these are the cornerstones of EQ.

Emotional conversations

Illustration: Liz Fossilien ©

If you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you, you will continue to struggle. True power lies in sitting back and observing things with logic and restraint. If words control you, it means everyone else can control you. I think you should just breathe and let things pass.

““If you start a conversation with the assumption that you are right or that you must win, obviously it is difficult to talk.””
— Wendell Berry

Stop making excuses

Successful leaders often rely on mentors and coaches to provide guidance, support, and valuable insights, enabling them to navigate challenges and develop their skills effectively. They also demonstrate the ability to address uncomfortable truths with honesty and compassion, which helps to build trust and credibility within their teams. Emotional intelligence is recognised as a critical skill for leaders, as it allows them to be genuine and transparent, thereby inspiring and influencing others positively. In my experience, leaders with strong emotional intelligence are adept at holding themselves and their team members accountable for results without resorting to excuses.

Walk into any situation

When you're not desperate for the sale, and when you're not attached to the outcome - which is an emotional intelligence trait - you can walk into any situation and be okay with whatever happens because you have confidence in yourself. This includes having the ability to ask open-ended questions and to adapt your approach as needed. For example, if someone says "no," it's not a problem; you simply pivot and continue the conversation elsewhere. During discovery calls, I tend to probe with questions, seeking out sensitive areas or emotional cues. These conversations are fluid, allowing me to guide them towards an outcome, and when I am met with a "no," I seamlessly transition to the next topic while maintaining a questioning mindset.
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These basic things

What are you doing to help the people relieve the tension?
I make a conscious effort to smile throughout the day and take the time to appreciate the little things, for example, the architectural detail on buildings. A simple smile, can reduce stress, help heart health, lower blood pressure, and boost your immune system by decreasing cortisol in the body. Smiling, genuine or even forced, prompts the brain to produce endorphins and serotonin which may have a positive effect on your mood. Try it – SMILE. I think that if we make new behaviours fun, we are far more likely to do them in a consistent and repeatable way.

Manage your own emotions

Most people don’t have the emotional intelligence to understand their own thinking and feeling process. We have men and women who are envious and jealous of each other because they don’t understand where these emotions arise from. Jealousy is when you see somebody that has something and you don’t want them to have it, and envy is when you see someone with something you want and you don’t particularly want them to have it, but you want it to, so you’re envious of them at all times. Most people don’t have enough emotional intelligence to check themselves.

Answer the following questions:
·      What’s my educational level?
·      What’s my environment like?
·      What are my experiences?
·      What’s my level of execution?
·      What’s my emotional intelligence?
·      Is what you are doing aligned with your values?

Contact me via e-mail to book coaching, mentoring or 1:1 sparring sessions.

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Managing your emotions

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Behave with emotional intelligence by acknowledging your feelings and thoughts, demonstrate healthy optimism, humility, and kindness, and only focus on what you can control. Sometimes we diminish our life experience and success by trusting our mind to solve everything. In reality, our intuition takes in way more information than our intellectual mind can process. This is why I think the wisest leaders rely on their mind, heart and experience.

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Wisdom on Wednesday

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Nowadays we have very few guidelines and an awful lot of options, and all these options are giving us quite a bit of uncertainty and self-doubt. We need leaders that can create big promises to customers, and help their organisations deliver on those promises. Leaders who master both strategy and execution start by building a bold but executable strategy. Next, they ensure that the company is investing behind the change. And last, they make sure the entire organisation is motivated to go the journey.

 

There are 4 parts of emotional intelligence (EQ):

1.         Self-awareness
2.         Self-management
3.         Empathising
4.         Social skills




Within each and every one of these domains are there specific learned and learnable abilities that will make sales executives outstanding performers. Within the self-management cluster there’s not only better managing of negative emotions, there’s also adaptability. Maintaining a positive outlook, no matter what happens in your life, keeping an eye on that long-term goal despite setbacks, obstacles, and distractions. Mindfulness doesn’t help you directly with any of these but if you want to look at all the EQ attributes and competencies then I’ll be willing to guide you through the process of additional learning. Contact me via e-mail for 1-on-1 executive coaching.

In the making

Human beings are unique in their ability to experience pleasure from remembering past happiness. You cannot always predict the major events that will shape your life, nor can you change the genetic factors that influence your basic happiness set point. You can't control what other people do or say, all you can control is how you react to it. Remember some skills improve communication, like emotional intelligence (EQ), as it enables people to better understand their own emotions as well as the emotions of those around them. Book recommendation: “Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ” by Daniel Goleman

 

The hedonic treadmill is a metaphor for the human tendency to pursue one pleasure after another. People talk about the hedonic treadmill that we have, where it’s like you are constantly striving for new and exciting things. That's because the surge of happiness that's felt after a positive event is likely to return to a steady personal baseline over time, you actually become less happy because it makes you more aware of all the things that you are missing out on. I think freedom is where you are not on the hedonic treadmill and pleasure which comes from selfless acts will tend to outlast physical pleasures.

Invite input from others

How can teams communicate more effectively?
To maintain the team spirit is probably the most challenging issue for managers and leaders in organisations today, putting the “we” before the “me”. I think that it’s not about individuals, it’s all about the collective and team members should be encouraged to share relevant information and ask clarifying questions. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathise with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict. This is a skill that improves communication and with practice most people can learn to become better communicators.

How can you create a non-negotiable passion within your team?
I think in order to maximise teamwork, it's important that all teammates share the same goals and are committed to an overall vision. Communication is essential to ensure that a team runs optimally, and ineffective communication can derail an entire project. Bruce Tuckman stated that teams go through four stages of development - forming, storming, norming and performing - this is a useful framework for looking at your own team. In my experience, diverse teams with are more effective than less emotionally savvy teams and EQ skills can help teams navigate conflict, evenly divide work, and develop long-term trust.

 

What happens when teams interact virtually? 
Individual members of any team can help the team do better whether virtually or in person. Managers and leaders should encourage team members to communicate with one other and ensure that every team member participates in the discussion. In an ideal scenario, every team member would be encouraged to share their ideas and updates on progress - even if the news is bad - and other members would do their best to listen, evaluate without judgment, and offer a thoughtful response. 


Do you have the necessary time, focus, and energy for training and workshops? If so, contact me via e-mail.