We may not fully understand our colleagues past experiences, which might lead them to feel undeserving of being heard. I think our responsibility is to ensure that every colleague knows they deserve to be heard. Some people truly listen when you speak, while others simply wait for their turn to talk. What type of person are you?
Be grateful
The essence of mental adjustment and atonement can be summed up in one word: GRATITUDE. It doesn’t matter how disturbed you are, it doesn’t matter what’s bothering you, you can solve whatever it is - just be grateful. Gratitude is everything, it’s the antidote for all stress, anger and frustration, it’s the entire process of mental adjustment. I think that when you change your perception you can change your outlook of life.
““Wait like one who understands.” ”
One year older and wiser
I am so grateful for another successful trip around the sun. Being honest with oneself is a prerequisite for being honest with others. I think nothing makes you more vulnerable than your refusal to be honest with yourself about what you want.
A life based on reason
Lucky people work very hard, have high integrity, show up on time, have good manners, show high rate of learning, are self-aware, optimistic, kind, and generous. I think that true spiritual warriors seek wisdom and knowledge from everything as no matter how educated, talented, or rich you are, how you treat people ultimately tells all.
““A humanist has four leading characteristics - curiosity, a free mind, belief in good taste, and belief in the human race.”
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The habit of gratitude
The more you educate yourself the more you understand where things come from, the more obvious things become, and you begin to see lies and deception everywhere. I think seeking and embracing the truth is essential for finding freedom. Developing a habit of gratitude, intentionally looking for and feeling grateful for life and the abundance around us. Staying in a state of gratitude and joy, is the best habit we can develop because in joy there is no room for worry.
We begin with a choice
“To be old and wise, you must have been young and stupid.” I think that as soon as you understand that nobody owes you anything and you don’t have the right to be heard, seen, or appreciated, it makes it so much easier to let go of all of that. This action will free up all of your brain to do the things that you said you wanted to do in the first place.
It’s an epiphany when you realise that no one owes me anything as when I start believing that you owe me something, then I have signed up for that outcome and the toxic cycle of betting on the outcome. I have gratitude for the freedom that this realisation has given me, and I refuse to dance to the beat of someone else’s drum. I am grateful to those people who have given me the opportunity to do my work.
“The years teach much which the days never knew.”
There is magic in the air
We should focus our gratitude exercise on the meaningful things in our lives of which we are certain, such as our friendships, passions, or family, thereby reminding ourselves that while uncertainty exists in some aspects of our lives, certainty still prevails in many others. I think that there is magic when organisations can inspire people to align their own personal passion, self-understanding, and desire for growth with the common organisational ambitions.
“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”
Take time to shift your focus
I think that people with high levels of gratitude have low levels of resentment and envy. As when we take time to focus on what we are grateful for, we choose positive emotions over negative, thus we take steps to nurture our mental health and wellbeing. I was recently asked: How can we trigger gratitude in ourselves? And I answered, start with a gratitude practice, it’s like a workout or healthy eating plan for your mind and it’s simple.
Have you ever noticed that when you are looking to buy a new phone or a jacket all of a sudden everyone around you has it? That’s because, consciously or unconsciously, whatever we are focused on is what we see. If we want to trigger gratitude in ourselves, we need to intentionally shift our focus to that which we are grateful for. The simplest way to do this is through questions and prompts and a few daily rituals. Contact me via e-mail when you are ready to shift your focus.
“You can’t feel envious and grateful at the same time. They’re incompatible feelings, because if you’re grateful, you can’t resent someone for owning things you don’t.”
Brain contribution
When we express gratitude, our brain releases dopamine and serotonin - two hormones that make us feel lighter and happier inside. It’s been really important to take care of our minds during this pandemic and understanding how to trigger this feeling is an important tool to have at our disposal. Before you can trigger it, let’s understand why gratitude is so important. We experience gratitude when we shift our focus from what we don’t have to what we do, and when we take time to appreciate and be thankful for those who have contributed to the abundance in our lives.
Which part of the brain controls our important cognitive skills, for example, emotional expression, problem solving, memory, language, judgement, and sexual behaviours?
The amygdala is responsible for the ‘fight/flight/freeze’ mechanism of our bodies and when stress makes you feel anger, aggression, or fear, the fight-flight response mechanism is activated. The frontal lobe controls our short-sighted behaviours to be able to act with a goal in mind and this may include things like self-control, planning, decision-making and problem-solving. I think that it’s the subconscious mind that controls all our behaviours and since it is open to continued suggestions, we are being changed by the constant messaging.
Write a gratitude journal
When you find yourself stuck in a constant state of worry, or hyper focused on what is not working around you, try to pause for a second and ask yourself one or two of the following questions:
1. What have I learned recently that has helped me grow?
2. What opportunities do I currently have that I am grateful for?
3. What physical abilities do I have but take for granted?
4. What did I see today or over the last month that was beautiful?
5. Who at work am I happy to see each day and why?
6. Who is a person that I don’t speak to often, but, if I lost them tomorrow, it would be devastating? (Take this as a cue to reach out to them today!)
7. What am I better at today than I was a year ago?
8. What material object do I use every day that I am thankful for having?
9. What has someone done for me recently that I am grateful for?
10. What are the three things I am grateful for right now?
By taking time to write down our answers, we consciously redirect our attention to that which we are grateful for. It’s also a great way to look back and realise what we may have thought of as insignificant was actually the things that brought us joy.
The morning blues
It’s Monday morning and for most people it’s unpleasant to go back to work after a relaxing weekend. I have heard it through the grapevine that I am irritating as I am one of the outliers who wakes up with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart. It’s actually none of my business and I promise that my teachings are not about “waking you up” to the joys of life, in fact, my thing is to do my thing. If you find inspiration from it, then that’s fine and if you don’t, then that’s too bad! I think people’s brains are wired differently depending on how they naturally approach the act of retrieving information.
Even the best psychologists know that people really don’t want to be cured, what they really want is relief as a cure is too painful. We all know that there are strong individual differences in how people remember…
“The nature of rain is the same, but it makes thorns grow in the marshes and flowers in the gardens.”
Your most important tasks will be to
Right now, we are all living in a constant state of uncertainty, and sometimes it can feel like running a race with no finish line or making a puzzle without a picture reference. What can we do to minimise the impacts of uncertainty on our mental health? Research shows that gratitude may just help balance out our mental state. Do I have neuroscience behind this? Even though I have been studying human behaviour for over 25 years - I am not a psychologist - so this is only my opinion.
To cultivate gratitude in ourselves, we need to intentionally shift our focus to that which we are thankful for. You can do this by:
1) Pausing and reflecting on what’s working for you.
2) Writing a gratitude journal.
3) Taking small steps to build it in like a practice or ritual.
Contact me via e-mail for gratitude training and workshops.
Say thank you
I believe the easiest path to transformation is by embracing everyday life with openness and gratitude. You can start on the path wherever you are. Everyone is in the position to say that this situation is difficult but I am grateful for having a higher self that can find a solution. By simply acknowledging this path, you can transform any experience from darkness to light. Just think of it like having a torch in a dark forest, where the only thing that matters is the next step that you see ahead of you.
How should you live life when you are on this path?
It’s easy to feel grateful when life is going well, yet not everyday is like that! Most days are a mixture of negative and positive situations, emotions and feedback at home and work. I think that we only need two tools on the path: knowledge and experience. Knowledge gives you the vision of the bigger picture that you can trust, and experience validates that the experience is true. When we achieve even more knowledge and experience, complaints are transformed into light and wonder, and gloom changes to joy. This acknowledgement that you are being guided by the light inside of you is the beginning of the journey. I think that to be in the light, you must open yourself to it and this is fundamentally different from constantly struggling against the darkness.
My daily affirmation
I am happy,
I am healthy, and
I am strong.
"The Guest House"
Another one of my favourite poems is “The Guest House” by Rumi (13th century Persian poet). Rumi speaks about treating all our experiences, whether good or bad as honoured guests. Welcome and entertain them all, even if they are a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep our house of its furniture, still treat each guest honourably. Perhaps, this is clearing us out for a new delightful adventure.
“This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.”
Be grateful for...
1. The continuous good health of your loved ones and yourself.
2. The supportive truth tellers who love you.
3. The work that helps you grow with joy.
4. Having the freedom to express yourself.
5. Being able to choose how you spend your time.
6. The opportunity to teach and be taught.
7. Having the ability to give.