How much is kindness worth to you?

To me, success is an ongoing process of striving to become more. It is the opportunity to continually grow emotionally, socially, spiritually, intellectually and financially while contributing in some positive way to others. I think the road to success is always under construction. 

I am always impressed and grateful when I meet smart people. In reality, what I admire most in people is kindness, humility, optimism, generosity and shared knowledge. Therefore, I think that no matter how educated, talented or rich you are, how you treat people will ultimately reveal all.

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I Don't Know

c/o The Independent

I think that the three most powerful words are “I don’t know”.

It’s OK not to have a strong opinion on topics outside of our expertise and I am not a medical professional so many of my answers in 2020 have ended with “I don’t know.”

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What comes out is what's inside

c/o The Economist

“When you squeeze an orange, you’ll always get orange juice to come out. What comes out is what’s inside. The same logic applies to you: when someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, or says something unflattering or critical, and out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, tension, depression, or anxiety, that is what’s inside. If love and joy are what you want to give and receive, change your life by changing what’s inside.” - Wayne Dyer

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Hunter vs. Farmer

Traditional salespeople are often compared to hunters, as they stalk their prey (new leads) in the hope of a killing (closing the sale), so that they can return to the tribe with food (revenue). In contrast, farmers plant seeds and nurture crops that will eventually grow over time into food, in other words, farmers prefer to develop long-term relationships and customer loyalty.

Both hunters and farmers have the same objectives and their own set of challenges, I think the farmer has a major advantage over the hunter. While the hunters must go into new territories each day to stalk their prey, farmers stay in one place, planting new seeds and reaping the fruits of their efforts on the same ground they have toiled over already. In return, the land they till becomes infinitely more valuable because it can consistently reap a harvest without going through the hits and misses off hunting.

It’s no different in business, as all salespeople share the same ultimate goal: generating revenue. The big difference is in the tactics they use. Farmers take the time to lay the groundwork for sustained success, they educate themselves on the tactics and techniques of persuading their audience to act by building their own authority in their space. Granted, some hunters also do this too, and the smart ones also think like farmers.

During the current pandemic, I have had the opportunity to look closely at my competencies and roles that I have played throughout my career. I have been both a hunter and farmer, I think that creating contact, trust and credibility are the defining competencies in both roles as increasing revenue and penertrating deeper into the existing client base is fundamental in sales.

You Know What I Mean

We currently live in an information-rich, time-poor world and as a result, it is easy for us to behave like rats - in other words, we see an opportunity (stimulus) and we jump at it (response). The great thing about being human (aside from our ability to use a TV remote) is that we can exercise choice. So unlike one of B.F. Skinner's rats, our behavioral equation is Stimulus > Choice > Response.

The challenge is that sometimes we move so fast we whoosh right past our choice and feel like we are simply reacting to the multitude of stimuli - demanding customers, boss' deadlines, screaming children, "you've got mail" notifications, web page pop-up ads, Facebook status changes, GPS voices telling us to "veer right", text tones on our phones, etc. So, to help you intentionally respond to inbound opportunities and requests, here are four useful questions:

1. Does it interest me?

2. Do I have the resources (skills, money, contacts, knowledge) to make a positive impact?

3. Do I have the time (our most precious resource) for it?

4. Can I make the personal commitment necessary to be successful or fulfill the demands?

These questions reveal a thought process that highly successful people use to live intentionally. They never lose sight of the "C" - choice.
The choice is ours. Our success can be accidental or intentional. Choose to live intentionally.

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Crucial Conversations Training

Did you know that I am a certified Crucial Conversations Trainer?
Crucial Conversations teaches skills for creating alignment and agreement by fostering open dialogue around high-stakes, emotional and risky topics - at all levels of your organization. By learning how to speak and be heard (and encouraging others to do the same), you’ll surface the best ideas, make the highest-quality decisions and then act on your decisions with unity and commitment. 

What Is a Crucial Conversation?

A crucial conversation is a discussion between two or more people where the stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong. These conversations - when handled poorly or ignored - lead to strained relationships and dismal results.

What Does Crucial Conversations Training Teach?

Crucial Conversations teaches participants how to:

• Speak persuasively, not abrasively

• Foster teamwork and better decision making

• Build acceptance rather than resistance

• Resolve individual and group disagreements

Who Needs Crucial Conversations Training?

Does your organization suffer from taboo topics, deference, disagreement, analysis paralysis, information hoarding, office politics or alienation? Is your organization battling declining productivity, safety violations, low morale, reduced quality, poor customer satisfaction or other bottom-line concerns? Then you, your team, or your organization needs Crucial Conversations Training.

My aim is to guide teams, leaders and entrepreneurs on how to focus on your company’s performance and culture by integrating open communication into the heart of your business. Crucial Conversations workshops are two days and ideally have a minimum of six participant. For further information please contact me.

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Look Inside

Just imagine if we changed our opinion on suffering and from now on we think that suffering is awesome. Some of the greatest people on earth have suffered the most, for example, Nelson Mandela. Difficult times, pain, failure and loss can be looked upon as learnings, perhaps even as purification in preparation for personal heroism.

How would your life be if you were given the tools to use disappointment, difficulty and heartbreak as a crutch to strengthen yourself? If everything that hurts you, you used to make yourself a better person. The inner work is how you move through the blocks of your shadows that are covering your primal genius. ”The more you sweat in training, the less you will bleed in war.” - Navy Seals

As children, we live through our heart as we grow older we move out of our hearts and into our heads, we are taught to numb our feelings and live in our heads. In my opinion, great art, great architecture, great business, great lives don't just come from our heads, they come from our hearts, our passion, our feelings and our gratitude. I can resonate with Jay Shetty when he says, ”We are wired for generosity but educated for greed.”

I recently asked a medical doctor, “What is in charge - your head or your heart?” He answered, “the head” and I disagreed and bravely challenged him. I said, “You can find people in your profession, who are hospitalised, still alive but clinically brain dead. I am sure that you would agree with me that when your heart stops it’s over and out!”

Succeeding in life and battle is all about training, preparation and putting in the work needed to rise above the adversities that each one of us will face during our lifetimes. Contact me here to book a 1:1 session…

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We Are All Fragile

Today, all the FA Cup matches will start with a minute’s silence to bring awareness to mental health issues. I wonder what are the effects of stabbings, shootings and gang-related incidents on young males who have been conditioned not to speak their peers about emotional issues? Now as a Londoner who has been living in Copenhagen for 23 years where ethnic minorities, in general, are also not integrated within mainstream society, I have been observing disenfranchised men for decades.

How hurt we feel about our loss and if we do express it in any way then it is expected to be in a masculine way, for example, retaliation, revenge, speaking about retribution, etc., and that’s what we have been teaching each other for years. Perhaps this is why we have such a high rate of suicide amongst men because the dialogue is just not there. We are not speaking amongst ourselves about emotional issues, being open with one another about how we feel. Speaking up may not solve everything but it will definitely help!

Many of us have heard about soldiers who served in Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria who returned ”home” with post-traumatic stress disorder. I think that there are similarities between war zones and the everyday battle young men are facing in our inner cities. The trauma of thinking that if they look at somebody in the ”wrong” way, they may be stabbed - this mindset are making people do some really crazy stuff. I can engage with these youngsters on their level, I can give them focus and aspiration because if we can change their mental game then we can change their external world.

We are all fragile, we all have traumas and it’s easy to judge people we see struggling with addictions, weight issues, self-esteem, etc. We have all been in a bad place in our heads, take a moment to think about that time in your life and just imagine how far you would have fallen you if didn’t have a support structure around you. There are many of us who think that we have got it together, we should all remember that we are only a few steps away from losing it all. 

Fear is a condition for those we help, contact me here to book a 1:1 session...

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