I think that we need to look out for the three clever stories that makes us move to silence or violence:
“It’s not my fault.”- Victim
“It’s all my fault.”- Villain
“And there’s nothing else I can do.” - Helplessnes
““There are two very powerful things which are always underestimated, silence and smiles. A smile can solve many
problems, and silence can help avoid many problems.””
Every time we interact with someone, we are either meeting or depriving them of their social needs. The language and behaviour we use can either be uplifting and motivational or it will cause them to shut down and withdraw. In 2008, David Rock concluded in his neuroscience research paper "SCARF: A Brain-Based Model for Collaborating with and Influencing Others." The SCARF model introduced us to five key domains that impact people's behaviour and emotional responses in social situations.
Status – our relative importance to others.
Certainty – our ability to predict the future.
Autonomy – our sense of control over events.
Relatedness – how safe we feel with others.
Fairness – how fair we perceive the exchanges between people to be.
According to the SCARF model, these factors are considered to be fundamental to human motivation and can greatly influence how individuals perceive and react to different situations. I think the specific measurement of the SCARF model may be challenging, even though it provides a framework for understanding the important aspects that influence human behaviour and motivation.
Have you considered the long-term consequences and benefits of your actions?
Yes, I engage in deliberate decision-making practices and make conscious choices about how I spend my time. If I was to offer you some advice, then it would be to prioritise activities that contribute to your personal growth, focus on meaningful relationships and the pursuit of your goals. Instead of chasing material wealth and possessions, I think it more beneficial to broaden your horizons and seek out experiences as they will provide a sense of fulfilment and contribute to more meaningful life.
Time is a finite resource that cannot be reclaimed once it is spent, and recognising the limited nature of time can motivate us to use it wisely and prioritise what truly matters to us. To make our lives more meaningful, we must first determine what matters most to us and reflect on our values, passions, and aspirations. I think by understanding our strengths, weaknesses, and personal tendencies can help us make better choices about how to spend our time. Contact me via e-mail to book a 1:1 session, where we can look into how you currently use your time and evaluate whether it aligns with your goals and values.
It’s over 3 years since I took the Crucial Conversations education from the training company VitalSmarts (nowadays Crucial Leaning). According to their study, 65 percent of the participants said they stayed silent at work, even though it made them feel inauthentic. You can see why this is detrimental; not only are leaders missing out on the ideas, viewpoints and diversity their employees bring to the table, but the employees also feel like they can't be themselves.
Leaders and CEOs are also on an island as no-one dares to tell them what they really think. What they need is someone who can challenge them, and say, “You said this or that and you never followed through with it.” One of the most detrimental effects of workplace insecurity is when people don't speak up because they fear the outcomes: embarrassment, ridicule, being wrong, or being dismissed both literally and figuratively. And one of the roles of a coach is to hold people accountable for their words and actions. Contact me via e-mail to arrange a meeting the next time you find yourself afraid to speak up.
Coaching is a process of helping individuals or teams to achieve their goals, improve performance, and enhance their overall well-being. A coach can assist individuals in discovering their strengths and weaknesses, exploring their values, and identifying their priorities. I think self-discovery is a critical aspect of coaching as it helps individuals to gain a better understanding of themselves, both their aspirations and motivations. Many people struggle with self-reflection, and this is where a coach can be helpful in guiding them through the process.
Most people are poor judges of how introspective they are, research shows that people tend to overestimate their level of self-awareness. This is known as the “introspection illusion” and it can lead to inaccurate self-perception and decision-making. Therefore, having a coach who is honest, frank, and authentic can be beneficial in facilitating the self-discovery process by providing individuals with an objective perspective on their thoughts and behaviours. Contact me via e-mail to book a free 45 minute one-on-one coaching session to discuss your needs, and determine whether we are a good fit for a coaching relationship.
The benefit of a good education is the ability to think on your own, and your words start to lose value when your actions don't match. You may think this is heavy stuff as all you wanted was a little help in climbing out of the strange crack between life’s floorboards that you unexpectedly fell into. First, you have to understand what you’re doing there, and then you’ve got to see why it’s important to stay there for a while - and then we can talk about what to do.
Today’s mantra includes affirming, declaring, observing, and allowing:
“All is well, everything is working out for my highest good and out of this experience, only good will come, and I am safe.”
The next time you have an important decision to make, try using this cool “B.R.A.I.N” acronym:
B: What are the Benefits?
R: What are the Risks?
A: What are my Alternatives?
I: What does my Intuition (heart) tell me?
N: What if I do Nothing?
Today is Monday, so I feel it necessary to write about mindset, motivation, and methods. Do you really want to know about these topics? There is a lot of sacrifice, especially at the beginning if we are going to achieve our goals. We can understand it intellectually, and then we need a system to act on what we know. Accountability feels like an attack when you’re not ready to acknowledge how your behaviour harms others. I have seen brilliant creative ideas die very quickly when they don’t have a proper execution structure behind them. Personally, I’m not impressed by vanity metrics, like likes and views. I think that we can only drive through effective campaign execution with thoughtful communication strategies and architectures.
I have a beautiful life today because I have chosen to put giving in front of getting, and weirdly the more I give the more I get. A massive part of my work is to help people re-connect to who they are given the life they’ve built, and that’s about authenticity. Being true to who you are, dropping the mask, not listening to that external criticism. Our culture teaches us to grab, grasp, get and compete, that’s all fear-based stuff. I have made giving my number one priority and the more I have given to life the more it has given to me. If you trust that life will give you what we need, I recommend that you focus on giving.
Everyone who knows me will tell you that I love a good analogy. Why? Because an analogy can unlock understanding like a key opens a door. Coaching a team can be compared to gardening: the fruit will be at its juiciest and sweetest, or the flower is at its most fragrant precisely at the moment before it begins to rot. A coach's job then becomes almost to shield the plant from the sun, to delay maturation to prolong the flowering for as long as possible. Do you understand?
I have found that there is a great deal of pleasure in coaching and nursing teams, guiding them through a structured process to identify a focus area that enables them to maximise their inherent power by tapping into the hearts and minds of consumers. For example,
• Creating needs (listening, objections, negotiation and presentations)
• Motivation (rapport, communication and mindset)
• Pipeline management (plan, prepare and execute)
• Sales Savvy (decision maker access, network mapping & development, best practise and analysing success)
Contact me via e-mail to book coaching, mentoring or 1:1 sparring sessions.
““Your potential customer doesn’t care about your company. They care about the problem they have and the possibility of resolving it. Are you creating enough value in the sales conversation or are you just talking about yourself?” ”
It’s not what you have learned that is decisive for your future, it’s whether you can put your head down and discipline yourself to pay the price repeatedly until you finally obtain your objective. Learning to effectively lead yourself and others all comes down to discipline, and you’ll need self-discipline to set your goals and make plans for their accomplishment.
You will also need self-discipline to:
- continuously revise and upgrade your plans with new information,
- focus on the most important thing you need to do at that specific moment,
- invest in yourself every day and build yourself up personally and professionally,
- learn what you need to do to become successful,
- delay gratification, save your money and organise your finances,
- focus on your goals and dreams and off your fears and doubts,
- respond positively and constructively in the face of difficulty.
Contact me via e-mail to book coaching, mentoring or 1:1 sparring sessions.
Values form the behavioural core and the motivational force for an individual, therefore, I think values are more important than knowledge.
““When you succeed, be generous.
When you fail, be compassionate.
When you win, be humble.
When you are scared, be thoughtful.
When you are beaten, be modest.” ”
In sales, the person who has the solutions has the power. And what we ask is infinitely more powerful than what we say in sales situations, as salespersons are usually placed on the low trust end of the scale. When you want to dig in and get to know the buyer, it’s a good strategy to use questions to get them talking. I think the magic always happens when the other person is talking and the secret to unlocking other people is to be interested in them and not your verbal vomit.
Our job as sales professionals is to go out and create some curiosity and interest without doing dumb things like spamming buyers. Life-long learners will remain curious and they never settle on thinking that they know it all – and that’s what sets them apart. As sales professionals we need to start conversations and get business meetings. Invest in yourself, take what you have right now and make the best of it. Contact me via e-mail to book a 1:1 session in October.
There are times when we all long for a simple way out, a procedure to follow rather than a process to understand. I think a mentor is someone who shares their knowledge, skills, and experience, to help another to develop and grow; and a coach is someone who provides guidance to a client on their goals and helps them reach their full potential. There is no reason why you cannot be both a coach and mentor, as the skillsets required to fulfil these roles are similar and to some degree interchangeable, for example, forming relationships to help a person develop. They are both rooted in learning and training and require a level of trust, respect, and communication in order to work.
When I am coaching, I usually coach on a specific topic or skill and focuses on “you”. I expect that after coaching this specific topic or skill you will be able to perform in a day-to-day basis using the knowledge gained from it. When mentoring, I’m focused on the present and future whilst using my experience and perspectives gained from the past elevate and evolve the current relationships. Does this make sense? Contact me now to book your coaching and mentoring sessions.
One reason I love coaching is you are forced to take a holistic view. Coaches are generalists, who have to obtain a near specialists’ knowledge about a lot of things, for example, from behavioural psychology to political trends. We have to know a little bit about many things and then we must understand how they interact with the methods we are trying to install.
The chessboard metaphor is common throughout therapy to help develop the distinction between an observing self and avoided psychological content. I think that sometimes a well-placed pawn is more powerful than a king.
“Knowledge is having the right answers.
Intelligence is asking the right questions.
Wisdom is knowing when to ask the right questions.”
Fear is natural and I think it’s central to the human experience and these fears often come in disguise, for example, a fear that you’re not enough. The fear of not being good enough can surface as anxiety that you can’t explain or rationalise. Over the years of coaching and mentoring conversations, I’ve found that tapping into the imagination is the most powerful complement to traditional memory. The imagination gives us the ability to tell stories and form images about what is going on for us.
“The best use of imagination is creativity. The worst use of imagination is anxiety.”
Read to improve your writing.
Write to improve your thinking.
Speak to improve your storytelling.
Teach to improve your understanding.
And use your smile to change the world, don’t let the world change your smile.
When you establish a pattern of honouring people through your actions, word gets out and your positive influence will spread. And since you have acted thoughtfully and with integrity, when you speak, people will listen. Authenticity doesn't mean sharing everything about yourself, to everyone, all of the time. It does mean saying what you mean, meaning what you say, and sticking to your values and principles above all else.
