The most basic human desire is to feel like we belong, it’s so powerful. Everything you say and everything you do has to prove what you believe. When you are in an environment where you don’t feel you belong, you seek out anyone who may share the same values and beliefs as you so that you can start to form trusting relationships. This is why I think this cannot be recreated over our computers, it’s our biology as human beings that gives us this ability, and it’s this ability to read each other which has enabled us to evolve. I don’t believe you can replace these human experiences and human feelings over the internet. Contact me via e-mail and let me know your feelings around this topic.
And the other side
We all want engaged employees who want to deliver, not just for the organisation but also for themselves. We are now seeing more stories about how organisations are getting very hands on about building a bottom-up processes, where teams of employees are working with managers at the customer interface level, helping individual employees work out how they can connect to the corporate purpose. Understanding the dreams of the people in the organisation and how they might be the key to motivating your employees. This will ensure that the organisations purpose is something that their employees can really engage with in a meaningful way, as this helps them as they decide to give their full effort at work.
Become a better listener
Active listening is different from hearing or even paying attention, hearing is something we do without thinking and without consciously trying to. I think a deeper level is when we listen for context, so here are some tips on how to improve your listening skills:
1. Talk less
2. Do not interrupt
3. Maintain direct eye contact
4. Put your phone down
5. Listen with your eyes and look for the unsaid
6. Remain interested
7. And if you are waiting for a pause, so that you can speak, then you're not actively listening
Generosity is a boomerang
Life gets so much better when you expect less as I think time generosity is grounded in empathy and emotional labour. In my world, generosity does not mean free; generosity does not mean lowering the price of what you do or giving it away. Generosity means showing up with emotional labour to do difficult work that some people think you might not need to do. This means that when someone is truly generous, they are bringing extra effort into something that may not work.
According to research from scientists at CalTech and Harvard who tried to figure out why giving feels harder for some than for others, and they found that the decision to give or take simply comes down to how much importance you attach to your interests versus someone else’s. Therefore, if you’re the type of person who considers other people’s needs as much as your own, self-sacrificing tends to be automatic. On the other hand, if you typically place more value on yourself, then giving feels more onerous.
See and be seen
Lawrence Weiner © 1972
Why can’t we be seen until we learn to see?
I think to see mean that you have empathy, it means to realise that no one cares about you and your opinion, they care about themselves and their own opinion. If you can’t see them for who they are, and for where their fears, desires and dreams are, they will ignore you because they only want to hang out with people who see them. Being seen is an unlimited need that people you serve have and if you can see them and understand them, you can tell them a story that they want to hear and they are more likely to engage with you. You cannot be empathic to everyone, you cannot see and understand everyone, so pick who you are going to see and understand and do that.
I have a dream
Dr Martin Luther King Jr. on this day 59 years ago delivered one of the greatest speeches of all time, the “March on Washington” at the Lincoln Memorial. It was one the largest single protest demonstration in American history and was organised for sweeping civil rights changes, unfortunately, this speech still has not aged well.
“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.”
See full video here
“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. ”
Learn the difference
Some talk to you in their free time, and some free their time to talk to you. Focus on what you can control and find good mentors to help you make it easier to get out of the door in the mornings and remain motivated throughout the day. It’s a good idea to set yourself up to perform and work in intervals, set out to be consistent instead of making heroic efforts. Success does not come to you because you want it, success comes to you because you do the right things.
Your corporate culture is vital
Culture is a set of invisible rules we use to operate, the do’s and do nots, and how you behave in an organization. Purpose is a why do we exist question. One could argue that culture and purpose are interrelated as when you articulate your purpose hopefully it will shape and form your culture. I think one of the main reasons why culture is so important is due to the stability it provides for so many people. It creates a sense of security and safety for individuals as it gives them a united and unified sense of belonging. Contact me via e-mail if you would like me look into your corporate culture.
“Bad companies are destroyed by crisis, good companies survive them, great companies are improved by them. ”
Authenticity cannot be bought
Trust is built on making and keeping promises. Authenticity is where you know yourself so well and are familiar with all your strengths and weaknesses, and you can use these tools and communicate is a reliable way. A way which makes you relatable in a very strong way to others, not to everyone, just those who you’ll like to build deep connections. At the end of the day, people will connect with you both personally and professionally on a deeper level if you can make them feel safe, like and trust you. These things are so nuanced in the human psyche and I am dedicated to teaching them effectively.
Mediocracy is a choice
Stop complaining.
Stop blaming others.
Stop making excuses.
Stop the sense of entitlement.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment to start.
Progress begins when you start doing.
“People stop trying when there’s no benefit for being exceptional and no consequence for being mediocre.”
Listening skills
Culture refers to the basics of how people work together to make decisions and how quality is maintained. I have observed that in several organisations the implicit attitude at work demands that professionalism means the employees ignore their emotions. I think that it’s important to create time and space to talk about what’s on people’s minds and I have found that if the team does this then there’s a large positive payoff - smarter questions and better understanding.
“The biggest communication problem is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply.”
No one cares about you!
It’s a fact that people talk about stuff that raises their status, builds connections, and helps them get to the emotional place they seek to get to. People only talk about you because it helps them not because it helps you. When someone buys a brand, for example, 13, it’s not because they like the brand. In reality, it’s because they want their friends to feel inadequate and they want to raise their status. Will your life really be better if you have more Instagram or Facebook followers?
By trying to fit in with the crowd means changing who you are to avoid attention or criticism. Any time you allow someone to have a negative influence over the way you think, feel, or behave, you give them power over you. Giving away your personal power drains you of the mental strength you need to be the best version of yourself. Please do not give other people your power as by giving away your personal power, you sabotage your chances of success.
Think smart
Yesterday was the longest day of the year (summer solstice). And this time of the year in Denmark marks the end of the school year as well as gymnasium graduation rituals. The young me and old me agree on a few things here and there, and this is one of them...
“If your success is predicated upon the notion of unanimity then you will always be a slave to public opinion of your work. Seeking validation is rooted in having no sense of self: Self-respect. Self-empowerment. Self-agency. Self-identity. Art is unfortunately surrounded by the pretext of validation and approval. So much so that we see it as “the way things are supposed to be.” If we are to create art that is meaningful then we must delve inward not outward.”
Figure it out
It’s not a matter of whether you will succeed, it’s a matter of where you are choosing to take your talents. We can always get more money, but we can’t get any more time as there are only 24 hours in a day, so therefore, time is the most valuable asset. Wherever you go, you already know that your talents include the ability to succeed. I think organisation incentives are not always aligned with what is best for the employees.
Here are a few questions:
· Where do you want to succeed?
· How are you going to spend your time?
· And how do you want to succeed?
· What are your success criteria going to look like?
Remember things don’t get harder, you just get better at them. The test doesn’t get harder, you just get smarter. Contact me via e-mail for a free, “Where do I go now?” evaluation.
Why it’s always about you?
If people do a lot of things for others and it makes them feel good about themselves, are they doing it for selfish reasons?
Customers will only ever buy from you because they care about how the product or services will make themselves feel. For example, if Princess Mary is wearing XIII and you wear XIII, you are not wearing XIII because you like Princess Mary. You are wearing XIII because you think you’ll look better in the eyes of your friends and family because you are wearing something that Princess Mary is wearing. It’s for you that you are doing it, it’s not because of Princess Mary, it’s your narrative.
For more about XIII, see www.xiii.dk
Success is a skill
One way that racism consistently shows up for me as a black man is in constantly being underestimated, and there’s something exciting about being underestimated. I know that success is a skill and the traits that led you to be successful where you are will lead you to be successful wherever you go. This is because the traits always include how to intellectually evaluate opportunities and figure out what forces to bring to bear on them. If you have succeeded before in whatever field, take a moment to evaluate and see what happened. I think that your evaluation process will always end up at some combination of observation, planning and execution. And in all these combinations, there is a thread of flexibility, intelligence and sticking to your values.
NB: Today is the first anniversary of my mother’s death and this blog is dedicated to her. It doesn't mark the end of grief, but it does mark a transition in my mourning process. See it > Say it > Write it ❤️
No negotiation required
At the front of the curve are the early adopters, these are the people who are playing with new ideas in the culture, they are not people who are trying to preserve old ideas. If you are selling, get the value proposition identified and sell to the value. Sell to the customers problem, solve the problem, and then ask for the money, no negotiation required. Now if you are buying then it’s the other side of the coin. As a buyer you have to work out how much you want to spend, what the value to you is and then tell the supplier how much you want to spend, no negotiation required.
Hours worked that require compensation
During the discovery phase, we must agree that it’s a real problem and this problem has an impact on your business, then it is up to me to prove that I have a solution. I really enjoy helping organisations succeed, talking them through what’s holding them back and I like working with organisations that have a small company vibe, where I can naturally set up processes for them. I learned once and for all before the pandemic a real sense of knowing when a deal is worth pursuing. I don’t like “free” education and have no desire to give away my knowledge and experience, as it’s not my job to educate for “free”. Contact me via e-mail if you would like to evaluate what you should be measuring in your organisation.
Team culture
Leaders need to connect, challenge, build a culture, clearly communicate, and commit to where they are going. It’s teamwork that makes the dreams work, and you are not a team because you work together, you are a team because you trust, respect and care for each other. I think it’s the peer to peer connection in a low trust world that leads culture to change. Are you part of a really engaging culture?
“Culture eats strategy for breakfast.”
This quote means that the culture of your company always determines success regardless of how effective your strategy may be. Our tribe need to get so engaged in what we do that they tell their friends and that’s what changes culture. It’s important to understand that culture beats everything! Culture beats strategy, culture beats pricing, culture beats technology, culture always wins. So, our job is to change the culture and we do that 10 people at a time who then tell 10 people and so on.
It’s the cornerstone
Critical thinking is the ability and eagerness to identify gaps in logic or shortfalls in evidence-based argumentation. Sympathetic listening is that commitment to understanding the argument from the other person’s perspective. For example: “Am I really understanding this or that from the other person’s point of view?”
Now what sympathy means in these cases is I am willing to set aside, even if it’s just temporarily, that hunt for the slightest mistake in logic or reasoning. Setting that aside for a moment, so that you can listen really carefully to what your conversation partner is saying, so you can understand from their perspective what their intellectual project is or why it is that they are looking at the same world you are looking at but coming to a very, very different conclusion. I think critical thinking and sympathetic listening are both facets of a great conversation.