Staying in balance

I've never really worried about what people think of me, except for those I genuinely know and care about. Why should you worry about the opinions of people who don't know you, who have never even met you? Why would their words matter? It’s easy to say these things, but they come from a place of balance. I’m not an aggressive person, and I don’t have a quick temper. Sure, I can get a bit moody, stand on my soapbox, and have a good rant about things that frustrate me. But I don’t experience that "red mist" others talk about. Similarly, when things are going well, I don’t let success go to my head.

I would say my character is pretty balanced, as I don’t get overly excited when things are great, and I don’t get too down when they’re not. This kind of temperament isn’t something you can teach or explain easily - it’s either how you’re wired or it’s not. In leadership and senior roles, this balance helps. You’re constantly under pressure to perform, and over time, you learn how to handle it and live with it.

“ “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”  ”
— Mark Twain

Societal pressures

Women are often socialised to prioritise agreeableness and conflict avoidance, which makes the experience of being disliked particularly challenging, especially in high-pressure leadership roles. Research shows that women in leadership positions are more likely to face negative reactions when asserting authority or making unpopular decisions. A study from the Harvard Business Review found that women leaders are disproportionately criticised for behaviours that are seen as acceptable in their male counterparts. I think women who advocate for kindness and justice must also be willing to confront the challenges of standing firm in their values, even when it means facing opposition, retaliation, or bullying. And this aligns with findings from the Korn Ferry Institute, which suggests that women leaders often face a “double bind,” where they are expected to be both empathetic and assertive, a combination that can be difficult to balance in environments where these traits are not equally valued.

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From fixer to coach

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As a trained coach, I’ve had to unlearn the habit of entering conversations with a fixer or problem-solver mindset. I'm still in the process of letting go of that tendency in favour of embracing genuine curiosity. I now actively practice asking questions that I don’t, and couldn’t possibly know the answers to. My role as a coach is to help uncover the root of any fears and support my clients in a safe environment, guiding them to decide what they truly want and how to address those fears.

What territory are we exploring in this session?
Personal? Professional? Community? Family? Friendships?
It doesn’t matter where we begin as these areas are all interconnected. My goal is to understand the whole person and help them explore whatever territory they wish to focus on in the session. What's useful for them is what truly matters. Contact me via e-mail for a free confidential 30 minute discovery.

Communicating your vision

As your coach, I serve as the compass to help you "land the plane," so to speak. I act as a deep listener, helping you stay connected to the goals you set. So, let’s think about whether this is the next step you want to take. Here are a few questions to help you reflect:

  • What do you need to do?

  • How will you do it?

  • By when?

  • With whom?

  • What will success look like, and how will you measure it?

Contact me via email if you have any other considerations.

The human connection matters

At the core of this evolution is a fundamental truth: authenticity cannot be imitated. In an AI-dominated world where much can be automated or replicated, the human connection stands out as irreplaceable. Buyers seek genuine relationships with people they trust to guide them through complex decisions. Trusted advisors understand this and aim to be more than just sellers; they become partners in their clients' success. I think earning the title of "trusted advisor" starts with a shift in mindset. Rather than focusing solely on closing deals, these advisors embrace a “student and leader” approach. They listen actively and ask insightful questions to uncover their clients' true needs and challenges. This curiosity not only shows real interest but also helps advisors gain a deeper understanding of their clients' industries and the context behind their decisions.

Performance coaching

Our tailor-made coaching for performance solutions aims to foster a culture of respect and inclusivity. Creating a positive work environment boosts productivity, promotes teamwork, reduces turnover, and enhances employee satisfaction. We have found this approach to be ideal for retaining top talent, driving innovation, and achieving long-term growth and success. I think by investing in coaching for performance, you empower your employees to develop the skills they need to perform at their best and contribute to your organisation’s overall success.

“When you really listen to another person from their point of view, and reflect back to them that understanding, it’s like giving them emotional oxygen.”
— Stephen Covey

Never complain, never explain

One of my life philosophies is to avoid complaining, which means I never have to explain! Complaining often makes others think that you’re either unwilling to take responsibility for your circumstances or that you lack the competence to handle them. When you complain frequently, you may develop a negative mindset where everything feels like a potential problem, even when there’s nothing wrong. Complaining doesn't improve the situation; it doesn’t help you grow. Instead of complaining, focus on working harder and letting your actions speak for themselves.

Disclaimer: This is not truly how I feel. While the above reflects a certain mindset, I believe in the value of expressing emotions and seeking help when needed.

““Complaining is not a strategy. You have to work hard with the world as you find it, not as you would have it be.””
— Jeff Bezos

The STAR coaching model

The STAR coaching model, which stands for Situation, Task, Action, and Result, is an effective tool for guiding structured and meaningful conversations. It is commonly used in coaching to help individuals reflect on their past experiences and behaviour, making it easier to identify goals and develop actionable plans for the future.

The process begins by discussing the situation, the specific context or challenge that created difficulty. From there, the conversation moves to the task, where the client is encouraged to think about what they believe they should do to address the issue. The next step involves reflecting on their actions, or how they typically respond to such situations, allowing them to examine their thought patterns and behaviour. Finally, the coach and client assess the result of those actions, exploring both the outcome and how the individual feels about it. I think this reflective process allows for accountability and promotes collaborative problem-solving, making it a valuable framework for personal growth and goal setting.

Contact me via email for 1:1 or group coaching.

Clear expectations

Human beings are deeply motivated by their social standing within groups. Recognition and acknowledgment are powerful tools to elevate an individual’s status, activating the brain's reward system, which encourages positive behaviours. Research shows that when people feel recognised, they are more likely to be engaged and supportive in their roles. On the other hand, uncertainty can trigger defensive behaviours as the brain perceives it as a threat. Providing clarity and predictability helps to reduce anxiety and create psychological safety. I think this allows individuals to focus on collaboration rather than self-protection, boosting performance and engagement​.

A little bit more about me

c/o The New York Times

When I can confidently say that my decisions are rooted in love and aligned with my deeper purpose, it’s because I’ve accessed this clarity through meditation. In the stillness, I actively remove the clutter, noise and the weight of societal expectations, external obligations, and others' opinions that often cloud my judgment. By doing so, I create the mental and emotional space necessary to hear my own voice, to connect with my intuition, and to recognise what my soul is truly yearning for. This process of tuning into myself isn’t just about quiet reflection; it’s the foundation of self-awareness, which I believe is the gateway to authentic mindfulness. It’s through this mindful practice that I can align my external actions with my internal truths.

Leadership credibility

I think status means nothing without credibility. Research shows that leaders who lack credibility are far less effective at gaining trust and inspiring their teams. For example, a study by Kouzes & Posner found that credibility is the cornerstone of leadership, with 89% of respondents saying they follow leaders they trust. If people don’t believe you belong in a leadership role, it becomes difficult to lead effectively. Credibility is built through competence, which comes from consistently performing at a high standard over time. Leaders like Angela Merkel and Satya Nadella earned respect by demonstrating expertise and making decisions that consistently yielded positive results.

What does a good coach deliver?

I think a good coach consistently delivers self-belief, self-motivation, choice, clarity, commitment, awareness, responsibility, and action, whilst also holding the client accountable. While many of us may be capable of providing these qualities to others occasionally, a skilled coach delivers them reliably, empowering most people most of the time. Contact me via email to discuss your coaching requirements.

“A good coach can change a game. A great coach can change a life.”
— John Wooden

The opposite is true

The debate between diversity and meritocracy often overlooks a key point which is it's not just about qualifications or ticking boxes. I think diverse teams bring fresh perspectives, challenge group thinking, and ultimately leads to better decision-making. And in environments where diverse voices are represented, organisations are more agile and innovative, better equipped to solve complex problems. While merit is crucial, true leadership lies in reflecting the communities they serve, ensuring a range of lived experiences is brought to the table. Embracing diversity isn't about compromising standards, it's about broadening them to recognise different forms of excellence. Send me an e-mail and let me what you think?

Control the narrative

“The Courage to Be Disliked" is a popular self-help book by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga that explores the concept of embracing our true selves and living authentically, even if that means being disliked by others. The book is based on the principles of Alfred Adler's psychology and offers practical advice on how to develop the courage to be ourselves without seeking validation from others.

Some key takeaways from the book include:

1. The desire to be liked by everyone is a major source of unhappiness.

2. You don't need to be liked by everyone to be happy.

3. Being disliked by others doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

4. Embrace your uniqueness and don't try to conform to others' expectations.

5. Take responsibility for your own life and choices.

6. Don't be afraid to express your own thoughts and opinions.

7. You can't control how others think or feel, but you can control how you respond to them.

I think "The Courage to Be Disliked" is a thought-provoking book that encourages readers to embrace their individuality and live a more authentic, fulfilling life.

Framing soft skills

We also tend to assume that those who look or think like us make better employees. We believe that someone who went to a certain university will perform better simply because we don’t know how else to measure their potential. And what we are beginning to understand is that it’s not difficult to measure what truly makes a difference. It usually comes down to human skills, for example, persistence, grit, and kindness. It’s about people who can encourage others to speak up. When we bring together the right mix of individuals, they consistently outperform those who score well on these false indicators of success.

What’s missing from this picture? Patience, situational awareness, and the core of teamwork, which is the opposite of bullying. When we’re fully present, aware of what’s happening, and act on it, the workplace thrives. It’s far better than simply shouting, “March faster!” while oblivious to the fact that you’re heading straight off a cliff.

Looking through the lens

Illustration by Ruby Taylor ©

We need to tell the story not just of the outcome, but of the journey it took to get there. What challenges were overcome, and what progress did the individual or team make to achieve the goal? By sharing these stories, we can inspire others without creating a sense of threat or unhealthy competition. It also highlights the strategies that were most effective in reaching those outcomes and the strategies that, as a leader, you want to celebrate and promote. When we set up internal collaborative competitions, we need to be clear about the dimensions on which we are competing and how we reward and recognise success. I think this helps everyone understand the pathways to achievement in a way that fosters collaborative learning, growth, and development, showing others how they can follow suit.

Open the door

It’s always inspiring to hear about organisations where leaders encourage their teams to speak up. I know that some leaders can seem intimidating because of their title or position. What I want to encourage people to do is start small and develop new habits that break the patterns of indoctrination we've absorbed over years of schooling and work. As we have been conditioned to focus on questions like:

  • Will this be on the test?

  • How do I get an “A”?

  • Where’s my promotion?

What I really want people to see is that we are like fish swimming in water who never think about the water. We often don’t recognise the environment we’re in. I think the key is to start questioning: “Is there any part of my life where I’m following the same patterns without thinking? Where could I have a conversation about getting to where I truly want to go?” Start by finding one person with whom you can have these meaningful conversations, and then expand from there. These discussions don’t come naturally. We need to encourage both team members and leaders to engage in them, to foster a culture where everyone can thrive, both at work and at home.

Tell your story

What have you changed your mind about over the last 12 months?

We often celebrate people who stick to their beliefs and are eventually proven right, for example, leaders who resist pressure to change their approach and succeed. And I think it's easy to feel validated when that happens, however, I've been wrong om many occasions in different situations, and it’s been a humbling experience. Over the last year, I become disillusioned with humanity, particularly when I think about how people behave when they believe no one is watching. It’s unsettling to imagine the choices people make when they feel they can act without consequence. I have found myself wondering, when given the option, will people choose justice? My perspective has changed and I’m no longer as cynical as I used to be. I’ve become more hopeful, hopeful that when good people come together and work with other good people, they can truly make a difference and create positive change.

Shining the light on the problem

Leaders aren’t born; they are made. Recognising the power of movement can get us through almost anything and this is a fundamental truth. I think it’s not about speed; it’s about starting. Sometimes, it’s someone else’s responsibility, privilege, or role to help a friend or colleague see what they may not have been able to recognise on their own. For example, instead of asking your company or team to take on large, overwhelming initiatives, start small. When working on leadership development, one of the things I often recommend is for people to do less than they would usually expect. Rather than making a long, heavy list of tasks, start with something simple and manageable. For instance, instead of aiming to master delegation right away, set a goal to ask one follow-up question each day. Even if this feels small or insignificant, starting in this way builds momentum. Over time, the small, consistent actions lead to meaningful progress. It’s the act of starting, not the size of the action, that creates momentum and allows us to achieve more substantial goals in the long run.

More, better, new

When evaluating how to advance in your work or personal goals, you generally have three options:

a) You can do more of what you’re currently doing, increasing your output or volume.

b) You can do what you’re currently doing better, focusing on improving quality, efficiency, or skill.

c) You can apply your current skills or efforts in a new environment, exploring different opportunities or contexts where you can make an impact.

I think each path offers different ways to grow, and the best choice depends on your current situation, goals, and where you believe you can make the most progress. Are you stuck? Contact me via email for a confidential discovery meeting.