As a father it has always been important to me to emphasise to my children that I don’t care if they win or lose, all I insisted on was that they do their best. This sounds really “woke” but I think that there is a huge distinction between decisions and outcomes. Pause and take a moment to silently think about any decision that you have taken over the past few months.
Q. Did that decision have a good outcome?
A. My guess is yes! As everyone always picks one that has a good outcome, because that’s how we decide that it’s a good outcome.
I believe that if you made a good decision and it didn’t work out, then it’s still a good decision. On the other hand, if you made a bad decision and got lucky, you haven’t learned anything about good decision making. And yet we criticise people based on the outcome as opposed to criticising them based on what’s in their control, and that’s the decision. The practice is about focussing on the decisions because the outcomes are out of our control. The practice is about what’s in our control and not what the outcomes are.
When this happened what are you going to do about it, is completely different than this happened and screaming oh no, over and over again. I think that things that happen, happen, but they are out of our control except for our response towards them.
Food for thought - Do you value truth over objective reality? Are you willing to be effective or would you prefer to be right? I think if you want to be effective you will be open to feedback that teaches you how the world really works. If you need to be right, then you will isolate yourself from that and in your heart of hearts, you know you’ll never be effective.
Trust your training
Amanda Gorman delivered her magical poem, “The Hill We Climb” and it tapped into the collective spirit of hope for a better future, presenting a sense of connection that overrides our differences and replaced them with possibility. We live in a male dominated world and Ms. Gorman showed the world the strength of femininity. It was amazing to see how a 22 year old delivered this nurturing poem - this was her opportunity and she took it. Watch the video as I think this presentation will go down in history as one of those moments .
Play your cards right
Information and data is really important, in reality human beings are moved by emotion. I help people build that emotional connection whether it's in a one to one conversation or if you have to give a presentation in front of many people. By being your true self and conveying your message in a way that is going to connect is easier said than done. What I attempt to do is align everybody, so they are singing from the same hymn sheet, and are working towards the organisation's common mission.
It starts by doing the work within oneself, first question is ‘Who am I?’
Do you know who you want to be as a person? How do you want your life to look? What kind of impact do you want to make on other people? I will guide you in how to look within and understand what experiences have shaped you, and from here, how to present it in a way that is going to affect and elevate others. And ask, ‘Now do I have clarity about my story and why I behave in the way I do?’
Learn how to share a short story that other people in the room can relate to. Demonstrating which parts of your life are relevant to share and when to show your vulnerability are essential ingredients of storytelling.
What do you stand for? In other words, what do you believe in so strongly that regardless of the circumstances around you, you will stand up for that principle?
When people know that this is what you stand for irrespective of circumstances or your own personal gain they will gravitate towards you, they will trust you more.
My work revolves around growing your influence and building trust with people you work with. Be connected to your story, what shaped you and know what you stand for and believe so strongly that you will bring it naturally every day. Contact me via e-mail for coaching, consulting, workshops or lecturing about storytelling.
Telling yourself stories may have bad side effects
There is not a huge difference between reporting and storytelling. For example, if five people see a bicycle accident, does one person see what actually happened and the other four are wrong, or do all five persons process what they have seen in their own way?
We know that all human beings process incoming information by telling themselves a story about what they saw, a story about what change it will require, a story about how it fits into their existing world. These stories need fertile ground to grow and that comes from our culture. Culture is all around us, culture beats the truth, culture beats any offer you can make. We have to understand the culture, we have to understand the world view, we have to understand the perspective of the people we are talking to.
I think that anyone who wants to make change has to tell a story that resonates with the people who are hearing it. I have guided companies that look good and want to be great. My business is desire and desire is the backbone of storytelling! I cannot help organisations to compete on price, therefore, all my offerings are focused on helping them compete on storytelling. And I do this by changing the narrative and looking at their strategy, culture, customer experience, etc.
Contact me via e-mail to arrange a virtual meeting.
Self Help
c/o The Telegraph
Everybody is talking about Matt Haig’s book, “The Midnight Library”. I think that his book “Notes on a Nervous Planet” is a masterpiece as it offers a personal look at how to feel happy and stay human in the twenty-first century.
On New Years Day, Matt posted on his Instagram feed a “Self Help” guide, it’s simple and easy top follow:
1. How to stop time: KISS
2. How to travel in time: READ
3. How to escape in time: MUSIC
4. How to feel time: WRITE
5. How to release time: BREATHE
Need I say more
Our choices reflect and determine who we are.
We are wired to look for coincidences
Illustration: Joanna Andreasson
I think that we human beings are storytelling machines, we notice things and we have to tell stories about them. For example, perhaps you thought of over 200 people yesterday and maybe one of them called you. I’m sure that in this case you would have paid attention to the coincidence and would not say to yourself that 199 people didn’t call me today. We are wired to look for coincidence, and as storytelling humans we are always looking for that correlation.
Simple ways to say you care
It is not everyone who wants to lead a deep and passionate life.
It is not everyone who wants to leave the world better for having passed this way.
If you do, here are some simple ways to say you care:
Is there anything I can do for you?
How can I support you?
Do you need my help?
I always have time for you...
You are really good at what you do...
Facts on Friday
The way we change the culture is not by getting a trending headline on social media, I think we change the culture by establishing that people like us do things like this. Culture is driven by media and media is driven by a business model. We all believe that we see the world as it is, in reality we live in a culture and that culture changes what we see.
Even though the world is safer and healthier than it has ever been before, even now during the Covid-19 pandemic, no one believes that is true. What has happened over the past 20 years is that the media business model has dramatically changed, and therefore, the reason that people don’t think that the world is safer and healthier is because the media does not want us to think that this is the truth. The higher powers have decided that society makes the most profit when we are on edge, insecure and feeling insignificant. #justsaying
Why does your organisation exist?
Jay Shetty is an award-winning storyteller, podcaster and former monk who is making wisdom go viral. I have been listening to the Jay Shetty Podcast, “On Purpose” over the last couple of years, I think that it’s fascinating to hear a former monk interviewing global stars from his LA base with a British accent.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, “purpose” is a noun and means the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. Here’s how I could design an “On Purpose” workshop that fits your organization:
Does your purpose:
- Address an industry problem?
- Inspire a community?
- Disrupt the marketplace?
- Make the world a better place?
I would then split you up into groups, teams or departments and ask:
- What do we care about?
- Why do we do the work that we do?
- What really matters?
- What is the purpose of our organization?
- What do we want for the future of this groups, teams or department
- What can we give that really matters to the world?
After establishing what your organization does with something that really matters in the 21st century. I would ask questions like these:
- How does your purpose link to really significant, worthwhile issues, challenges and needs in the world?
- How clear and alive are those issues in the minds of your people?
Please contact me via e-mail (link) to discuss an “On Purpose” workshop for your organization.
Trust is as scarce as attention
So, now I have you attention, how long will I be able to keep it and make you take an action that I suggest for you?
Human beings crave simple narratives. If you are a fan of the brand, Supreme, you know exactly when you should go to the store if you want the latest “drop”. If you take the train from to Hellerup, you know what people like us do when we commute. You know the conventions of behaviour, you know the rules, they are very clear!
Where did those rules come from?
Who gets to invent these rules?
You are either a victim of these rules, following these rules or you are the inventor of these rules.
Nature vs. Nurture
““Once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in.” - Haruki Murakami”
Less measurable, more meaningful
The world of work is changing, and changing in very fundamental ways. We are just at the start of another period of uncertainty and significant disruption partly driven by Covid-19, partly driven by the collapse into irrelevance of old ways of working, and partly driven by the changing expectations of the workforce. This is going to be longer and more significant period of change than most people realise and we will need stories to help us make sense of what is happening.
Our global economy desperately needs more alternatives to the conventional corporate model. I think it’s important to know that you don’t have to follow the conventional norms and you do have other options. The new era will see more and more organisations putting purpose before profits. Are you interested in learning how to improve your customer lifetime value by providing purpose and satisfaction?
Queen's Birthday Honours: My sister becomes MBE
Everything starts with a story and it’s never been so easy to get your message out there. Because it’s never been easier, everyone has the power to publish and everyone thinks that they have a story to tell, paradoxically, it’s never been harder to get someone to listen or care! Our story has to be authentic if we really want to connect with an audience. Everyone’s telling their story online and everyone thinks they have something to say.
I think that only by applying the ancient art of storytelling with precision and power can we truly reach out and connect at a deeper emotional level with our audience, and this is when everything changes. My sister has become an MBE in the Queen's Birthday Honours list for her work in education.
- Who is the hero of the story?
- Who is Valerie really trying to help?
- Can we empathise with her audience, I mean really understand what they are thinking and feeling?
- What are the challenges that they are facing?
If we can show and tell them that we understand their reality then they will listen to us. And if we do it with a story then it will be even better and easier for them to share.
You can read Your Croydon’s article about my sister here
Curiosity killed the cat
I was recently asked whether curiosity was my primus motor? No, I think that curiosity is what fuels me! What drives me is a desire to make things better. I see what I think is broken and I see what people will benefit from learning, not because it will make things better for me but better for them. And the tool that I use to see those things and provide the insight is my curiosity of asking, “Why didn’t that work?” and “Why is this not what it could be?”
Most of the entrepreneurs I know are not saying, look at my bank balance and they are not saying here’s how I cut corners. They are people who would like to make things better by making better things. And I am proud to be in that category, and all I am trying to do is spread the word.
Do you believe in miracles?
“Albert Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.””
Truth & Lie
According to a 19th century legend, the Truth and the Lie meet one day. The Lie says to the Truth: "It's a marvellous day today"! The Truth looks up to the skies and sighs, for the day was really beautiful. They spend a lot of time together, ultimately arriving beside a well.
The Lie tells the Truth: "The water is very nice, let's take a bath together!" The Truth, once again suspicious, tests the water and discovers that it indeed is very nice. They undress and start bathing. Suddenly, the Lie comes out of the water, puts on the clothes of the Truth and runs away. The furious Truth comes out of the well and runs everywhere to find the Lie and to get her clothes back. The World, seeing the Truth naked, turns its gaze away, with contempt and rage.
The poor Truth returns to the well and disappears forever, hiding therein, its shame. Since then, the Lie travels around the world, dressed as the Truth, satisfying the needs of society, because, the World, in any case, harbours no wish at all to meet the naked Truth.
Just keep practicing
Now, more than ever, we need to be equipped with sharp skills, fresh ideas, more drive and new techniques in order to achieve our goals.
Respect the power of words, choose them with care, speak them with heart and listen to them with sincerity. With a little practice every day you will slowly and surely get there. It may take time, so trust the process and don’t be afraid to make mistakes, as mistakes mean that you are trying.
I care enough to see you
People are always drawn to those who are genuine, willing to show who they truly are and who make it safe for others to be fully themselves. I have always taken the risk of leading from my heart, knowing the reward was greater than any inadequacy I felt. I think being vulnerable is always the pathway to making meaningful connections, and being authentic and vulnerable is also the secret to becoming charismatic.
Ken Blanchard said, “If you don’t know who you are - or what your strengths and weaknesses are - and you are unwilling to be vulnerable, you will never develop a trusting relationship.”
In my humble opinion, authenticity means taking a risk to show others our true selves. It’s uncomfortable and vulnerable, and always carries with it the very human fear of not fitting in. I think that if we want to see others then we must first allow them to truly see us. It takes courage to be authentic and aligned with our values, especially in these turbulent times. Right now we are all using FaceTime, Skype, Zoom, Teams, etc., to stay in touch with our colleagues, family and friends, but we are still in our own spaces. I think that it’s really hard to transcend that separateness, no matter how good the camera lens is, technology has made the connection possible, but seeing authentic emotion makes it tolerable.
Do you agree that in our heads and hands we have the specialist skills that will get us hired? I think that what really separates us is our ability to connect with, motivate and inspire others, what do you think?
